Outtake: Sugared Rose

I laughed as I tripped Emmett so he fell headfirst into a row of boxwood outside the diner. The sucker was so easy to mess with when his head was full of my mom’s apple pie.

“Fucking hell, J!” he complained from inside the bushes, scrambling to get on his feet.

I chortled merrily and hurried inside. My dad was behind the counter, and I raised a hand in greeting. I then scanned the rest of the room, finding Bella, Leah, and Rose huddled together in a booth in the back, giggling about something. I had no idea how fourteen year old girls always found something to giggle about, but they seemed to be able to.

The bell on the door behind me chimed, and then I was suddenly on the receiving end of a noogie. Fucking Emmett.

“Ow! Shit, stop that, you moron!” I hissed and shoved him away.

“Jacob! Language,” my mom told me, rushing past me with two trays filled with food. Yum, coleslaw!

“Sorry, Mom,” I said, already wondering if maybe I should get coleslaw instead of apple pie. I’d have both – together – if I didn’t know for a fact that my mom wouldn’t like it.

“Wimp,” Emmett muttered under his breath.

“Asshole,” I shot back, leading the way up the counter.

He chuckled and pushed me junk-first into one of the bar stools at the counter. Motherfucker. I turned around to glare at him, but he just continued his stupid chuckling.

“You’re such a fucki-”

My dad cleared his throat behind me, interrupting me and even killing Emmett’s chuckling. Chastised, I turned around.

“Hey, Dad,” I said and sat down on the stool that had fucking maimed me.

“Jake. Emmett. Nice to see you boys behaving for once,” he said, with narrowed eyes and a scowl on his face. You’d have to know him really well to see the hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

I grinned. “We always behave.”

“What he said,” Emmett said, sitting down next to me. “Say, did Mrs. S make apple pie today?”

My dad sighed. “Emmett, I have no idea why you come in here every damn day asking that same question. When has Sue ever not made apple pie? She knows it would break your heart.”

Emmett beamed. “I wish you and Mrs. S would adopt me. My mom can’t cook for shi– um…at all.”

I snorted. It wasn’t like he didn’t eat at the diner every day after school as well as on the weekends, spent at least a few nights a week at our house, and the guest bedroom wasn’t called the guest bedroom anymore – now it was Emmett’s room. His dad had bailed on him and his mom like fifteen years ago, and his mom was a flake. She had a hard time holding onto a job and drank way too much. Sometimes, she was just as embarrassing as the drunk who hit on my dad at the bar. Gross.

“You don’t look like a starving boy, so I’m sure she cooks just fine,” my dad commented dryly as he carved out two large pieces of my mom’s fuckawesome apple pie. “So how did the biology test go? Are you keeping up your grades? Graduation is only six weeks away now.”

“I fuc– um, freaking nailed it!” Emmett said confidently.

“Jake? How about you?” my dad asked.

I shrugged. “I think I did okay.”

My dad rolled his eyes. “Your enthusiasm for doing well in school takes my breath away, son.”

Emmett chortled and reached for the whipped cream. He liked to murder his pie by drowning it in it. He said it tasted better that way, but in my opinion he was just disrespecting the pie.

I took a bite and hummed in appreciation. “Spot on, Mom!” I yelled out to the back where she was busy cooking up a storm.

She stuck her head out and sent me one of her patented thank-you-dear-but-please-don’t-talk-with-your-mouth-full looks. She had looks down to an art, and I was good at decoding them.

I focused on eating my pie – food was serious business, especially my mom’s food – until Bella hopped onto the stool next to me and shoved her math book up next to my plate.

“Can you help me with this problem?” she asked, wide-eyed, knowing that it would get her anything she wanted.

I hated math, so I really wanted to say no. However, being a big brother was one of my favorite things in the world – I had loved it from the second I had laid my eyes on my tiny baby sister. Bella was four years younger than me, but she was one of my very best friends, and when she looked at me like I was her hero, there was no way I could let her down. Even if it was just a stupid math problem.

“Sure,” I replied, abandoning my pie for a moment.

Luckily it wasn’t like I didn’t know the stuff from eight grade, and Bella was also a smart cookie, so she didn’t need it explained twice. When she’d gotten it, she smiled brightly and jumped down from the stool.

“Thanks, Jake!” she said.

I reached out and ruffled her hair, which made her narrow her eyes and scowl at me. I laughed and turned back to my pie, which turned out to be a really unwise move, as seconds later, Bella yanked my hair.

“Hey!” I complained. Shit. I really needed a haircut so she couldn't do that anymore.

She scampered back to the giggle booth in the corner, and I glared playfully at them, making them giggle even more. Girls – such a mindboggling phenomenon. And based on my dad and Uncle Harry, who had had a long time to figure them out, they remained mysteries forever.

After polishing off two pieces of pie each, Emmett and I went to play soccer with some buddies at the park. Forks High School didn’t have a soccer team, so we played at the park after school. Then sometimes we’d play against some of the kids down from the reservation, which was a lot of fun. I had some good friends down there, but there were also some real assholes that I always went out of my way to tackle the European way – hard. It usually ended up with someone getting into a fight, but it was a lot of fun.

Afterward, I drove Emmett home. He didn’t have his own car although he’d been saving for one since he was fifteen. My dad had given him a job washing dishes at the diner a few afternoons a week, but often Emmett would have to dig into his savings to pay the bills for his stupid mom. He never complained, either, nor did he take my dad up on his offer when he said that he’d lend him the money. Emmett would rather walk or ride his bike than owe people money. I admired him for that and drove him around whenever I could get away with it. Walking was fine, but it sucked getting wet when it rained.

“Dude, Newton’s parents are going away next weekend. He’s getting his big brother to buy beer and throwing a party Saturday,” Emmett said on the way home.

“Awesome,” I said with a nod. “I can’t stay out all night, though. The diner and the bar are like gossip central, so my parents will know that the Newtons are away.”

“Sucks,” Emmett replied, fiddling with the radio. He could do whatever the hell he wanted – it wasn’t like his mom cared when or if he came home. “But we’ll have fun and make sure that you sober up by the time you have to be home. No problemos. I wonder if Jessica will be there. I don’t know when the hell she grew those boobs, but it’s like it happened overnight. I am so getting my hands on those!”

I snorted. A girl could be ugly as sin, but if she had nice boobs, Emmett would all over her. Personally, I liked a pretty smile and a charming personality. Okay, and boobs. Nice legs didn’t hurt either. And a great ass. Sadly, that combination was hard to find in Forks. Emmett definitely had it easier.

I’d sampled quite a bit of the local talent, and I wasn’t impressed. Besides, nothing short of a harem was enough for Jacob Swan. The girls all wanted me – all I had to do was smile at them – so that shouldn’t be too difficult to accomplish. Life was too short to settle for something that you didn’t want. So I’d smile at all the pretty girls in the world and get them all. If that wasn’t ambition, I didn’t know what was.

After dropping Emmett off, I arrived home just in time for dinner. It smelled like we were having roasted chicken. Yum. My favorite. Well, one of my favorites. My mom made it hard to choose.

After dinner, I went to my room to do some homework. I couldn’t wait for graduation. I wouldn’t be touching a book for a very long time after that. I hadn’t applied to any colleges, and it was a foregone conclusion that I was going to join the Army. I just hadn’t actually said it out loud to anyone. I wasn’t sure why – I didn’t doubt that everyone would be supportive, even if they wouldn’t like it. My mom would especially hate it, as it meant that I’d be going overseas eventually. But she’d still be supportive because I had the most awesome mom like that. I was pretty sure that my dad would be proud, and Bella…well, I had no idea how she would react. She was a good kid, though, so she wouldn’t give me too much grief.

Emmett had gotten into the University of Washington, but lately he’d expressed an interest in joining the Army, too. It would be fucking awesome of we could attend boot camp together. Whether or not his mom would be supportive depended on how drunk she was when he told her, but I knew that he’d be getting plenty of support from my parents.

After getting the Army bug out of my body – that was what my dad called his own stint in the Army before he married my mom – I’d come back home and work at the bar. I could take some business classes at the community college in Port Angeles if I needed them, but other than that, I’d be set at the bar. I didn’t have a lot of fancy ambitions about college degrees, careers, or money. That crap just wasn’t me. None of it was necessary to be happy.

Halfway through my homework, I needed a break. I hated being cooped up inside too long at a time, so I needed some fresh air. To my surprise, I found Rose sitting on the porch.

“Hey there, Goldilocks. What are you doing out here?” I asked with a smile and sat down next to her.

I liked Rose. She was hands down the most awkward, shy, and clumsy person I had ever met, but she was also sweet, awfully pretty, and my sister’s best friend. Well, hell. She was my friend, too. My best little buddy. I didn’t get the people who always judged everyone by their age – having friends that weren’t your own age just offered you new and exciting perspectives on life. Among the people I counted as my best friends were a couple of fourteen year old girls, my grandpa, and my parents.

“Your mom said Bella had to finish her essay before she could hang out with me, so I figured I’d just wait out here until she was done,” she said, fidgeting with her sleeves. “Is that okay?”

“Of course it is,” I assured her. “You can go inside, too, if you want. I think Mom’s making cookies.”

“I like it out here,” she said quietly. “It’s more peaceful than my house, you know, with our porch facing Main Street and all.”

I nodded. The Hales were a pretentious bunch, save the shy girl at my side. Her dad was a bank manager and her mom had her own architectural firm in Port Angeles. They were a little too into material possessions and appearances for my taste, and it couldn’t be easy being a clumsy little girl in their house. Rose’s three older sisters had all moved away and gotten married to lawyers and doctors or whatever. Like Emmett, Rose liked to spend time here as often as possible.

“So, are you looking forward to being chased by high school boys next year?” I asked her. “A pretty little thing like you won’t be left alone for a second.”

She blushed furiously. “They won’t notice me,” she said.

“Ha! You’ll be beating them off with a stick. Bella, too. Leah I’m not so sure about because she never knows when to shut up,” I said, snorting.

I didn’t like that my baby sister would be going to high school just as I’d graduated. The only consolation I had was that she could pull hair like nobody’s business and that Rose packed a mean punch for a girl her size. I knew that from experience when I’d played pranks on them.

Rose didn’t reply. She just looked down as she flexed her fingers on one hand. She’d just gotten her latest cast off a few days earlier after breaking two fingers in a gym mishap. The poor girl was always falling down and getting hurt. A few years ago, a new teacher at the school had even suspected her parents of abusing her because she always had bruises.

“You’ll do fine in high school, you know that, right?” I asked.

She shrugged, showing that her confidence was nonexistent.

I sighed inaudibly. “Well, if anyone gives you any crap, you just tell them that you know a big, bad soldier who will come and kick their ass, okay?”

That made her look up. “You’re really going?”

“Yeah. I am,” I confirmed out loud for the first time. “Gotta go where the heart takes you, right?”

“I guess,” she replied hesitantly. “Is it because your dad was in the Army that you want to go, too?”

“It’s part of it, for sure,” I said. “But I also really want to serve my country and help people, you know? Make a difference somewhere for someone. I’m not interested in titles and rank and stuff, so I’m not going to make a career of it, but I think a private makes as much of a difference as a colonel. Besides, could you really see me in college? Apart from the frat parties, of course. I’d rock those suckers.”

She giggled and bit her lip. Then she turned around so she was facing me, her blue eyes looking solemnly at me. “But it’s so dangerous if you go somewhere where there’s a war going on.”

“Someone has to. If they didn’t, the war might come here and hurt or kill all the people we love,” I replied.

“Aren’t you scared at all?”

“Naw,” I said. “Okay, maybe a little. But that’s what basic training is for. They’ll teach me to defend myself and stuff.”

“But what if you die?” she whispered.

I shrugged. I knew I would be risking my life if I went into a warzone, but like I’d just told her – someone had to do it. And I wasn’t afraid of dying. When it was your time to go, there wasn’t much you could do about. Dying while fighting a war didn’t make me anymore dead than if I got hit by a truck or died from cancer right here in Forks.

“If I die, I just hope that I lived all I could while I had the chance,” I said to her.

I leaned back on my elbows and tried to imagine my own funeral. It was fucking difficult. I didn’t want to think about how sad my family would be – that was the worst thing. But if I did die in a war somewhere, I hoped it was after making a difference and that the people I loved were proud of me.

“I want Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah’ played at my funeral,” I said out loud the moment I thought of it. It felt like planning something that had nothing to do with me – a very weird feeling.

“Jake, please,” Rose begged me.

I turned my head just in time to see her wipe a tear away from her cheek.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Rosie,” I apologized. I tugged her ponytail. “Don’t listen to my crap. I’ll be fine and back here to pull pranks on you in no time. You’ll be so busy swatting away the high school boys that you won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“I’m going to miss you,” she said quietly. “And you have to promise to be careful no matter what the Army wants you to do. My dad once told me about his uncle who was in the Navy and died during a drill.”

“Well, I’m not joining the Navy,” I replied with a grin.

“Jake, be serious!” she said, showing that glorious temper hiding under her shy, awkward façade. She was like a cute, little kitten, and I was immediately chastised.

“Sorry. I promise that I’ll be careful,” I said solemnly, knowing I’d be making that promise to others as well.

“When are you telling Bella that you’re going?” Rose asked next. “She’s been wondering, you know? Your parents already talked to her about it.”

“They have?” I asked, surprised.

She nodded. “Everyone knows you’re going, but you’re the only one who hasn’t talked about it. Bella said that your mom cried a little bit, but she and your dad are both so proud of you. Bella is, too, although she said that she might give you crap about it anyway – said it was her right as your little sister.”

I chuckled. “I’ll talk to her soon. All of them, actually.”

We sat in silence for a while. I could smell the cookies my mom was making, and my dad was mowing the lawn around back. I was going to miss it. Not just the people, but the house, the town, and everything that was familiar. I had never dreamed of big cities and seeing the world – Forks was enough for me. I just had one little thing to accomplish before settling down for real in the best town in the world. I needed to be a soldier.

“Um, Jake?” Rose interrupted my thoughts.

“Yeah?” I replied, sitting back up.

“Emmett is going, too, isn’t he?” she asked timidly. “I heard him mention it to your dad one day.”

I nodded. “I think so. He’s been talking about it. It’s going to be wicked awesome!”

The defeated look on her face told me that she didn’t share my enthusiasm. At all. In fact, had it been any other occasion, I would have taken a crack at her. Rose was nothing but Bella’s friend on Emmett’s radar, but it was suddenly plain as day that on Rose’s radar, the blip Emmett created was as big as his appetite. It couldn’t be easy for a fourteen year old to watch her first crush heading off to join the Army.

“He’s going to be okay, too, you know,” I said.

Her nod was less than convincing, but unless I called her out on what she was obviously feeling, there was nothing I could say.

“If you really have to go away, you have to come back safely,” she said a moment later. “Both of you.”

“I’ll make sure he comes back alive,” I promised her.

Her head whipped around, and she looked at me while the blush rose in her cheeks. She opened her mouth to speak, but promptly shut it again before any words came out. She leaned her head forward so her hair covered her cheeks.

“Both of you,” she implored softly.

“Both of us,” I agreed, smiling to myself.

We sat in silence until Bella burst out through the door. “Finally!” she said exasperatedly. “My essay’s done, so we can go now, Rose. Thanks for waiting.”

“No problem,” Rose replied and stood up, wobbling a little on the steps before she regained her balance.

“Oh, and Mom’s looking for you, Jake,” Bella added as she jumped down the steps in complete contrast to Rose’s wobbling. “She knows you haven’t finished your homework.”

“And how does she know that?” I asked, suspiciously.

“Because I told her,” Bella said, snickering.

“Brat!” I called after her as she and Rose scampered off toward God knew where – probably a giggle convention by the sounds of it.

“Love you, too, Jakey!” Bella yelled back.

I blew out a breath and smiled. It was in her genes to be a brat, and usually when she got other people in trouble. I was the proudest brother in the world. I’d trained my little sister well.

“Jacob!” I heard my mom yell.

“Yes, Mom! Coming!” I yelled back.

At least I was well-prepared to join the Army, having been raised by my very own drill sergeant.

Backfire

“Whoo-hoo!” James cried out, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Take it off and show Daddy the goodies, sweet thing!”

“Oh. My. God,” Rose said, burying her face in her hands. The blush on her face glowed in the dark club. “Why did I agree that he could come again? Seriously, Bella, this is so damn embarrassing.”

I laughed hard at my friend’s discomfort, taking a drink of my mojito. James was standing right next to the stage, waving dollar bills at the male stripper who was wiggling his ass.

It was two weeks before Rose’s wedding, and I had talked her into taking a trip up to Seattle for a bachelorette party. As the maid of honor, it was my duty to make sure my best friend had one last hurrah before she married the big goof a man and my other best friend, Emmett. So I convinced Rose, my mom, Leah, and a couple of other girls Rose and I were friends with to make the trip. I picked Seattle especially for the all-male revue Jessica Newton had mentioned it was coming to a club in Seattle around that time. She and I were still friends even after James had set her up with her current husband, Mike. After that fuckery, I was surprised she still talked to me.

~.~.~.~

Jessica and I had talked about the strip club idea one night when she came into the bar, a few days beforehand. She was practically bouncing in excitement when she showed me the flyer and stated we had to go. I figured, why the hell not? The only man I’d seen naked in the past six months was Edward, and well, I wasn’t opening that can of worms.

While we discussed the particulars of the bachelorette party, James walked by and froze.
“Please tell me you are not planning on going and seeing a bunch of delicious men get naked without inviting me to the festivities,” James whispered, glaring at us.

We both cracked up.

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of seeing male strippers without you, dear.” Jessica patted James’ arm.

“I knew I loved you for a reason, sugar plum,” James said with a wink.

“Hell, maybe one of us single girls will get lucky with one of those hunks,” I stated, waving my hand.

I heard the sound of glass breaking, and I whipped around. Edward was standing off to the side with his hands clenched into fists. He looked as if he was trying to control his temper.

Huh. I wonder why?

“Hey, someone piss in your Cheerios or something?” I asked, perplexed.

“Uh, no,” Edward said with barely repressed anger. “My knee is acting up. I think I need to sit down for a bit.”

He escaped quickly to the back room.

“I’ll be right back. I’m gonna see if the stud pony needs a nurse,” James said and ran off.
Jessica snorted.

“Oh, cherry pie!” James yelled as he walked through the door leading to the back room.

“Holy shit!” Jessica covered her mouth with her hand. “I cannot believe I have been missing out on this. Screw Mike wanting to stay at home all the time. I’m leaving his ass in his recliner, and I’m coming in here more often.”

“What the hell are you yammering about, Jess?”

“That!” she exclaimed, pointing to the back room.

I sighed. “Jess, you have always known James is Looney Tunes.”

“Bella, I am not talking about James. We all know something fell out when he was shaken as a baby. No, I mean the new bartender,” she said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

I felt irrationally jealous at her comment. Damn it, I wanted to be the only one ogling “the new bartender.” The last few days had been crazy. Edward had flirted with anything in a skirt, including Renee’s skanky daughter, Angela. Quite frankly, it was starting to piss me off. I’d thought he was a pretty decent guy, and there he was, giving anything that batted their eyelashes attention. I didn’t like it. Not one bit.

“Oh, don’t think I don’t see that look you’re giving me, Miss Grumpy. All I meant was the hilarious banter between Mr. Hottie and James. I mean, if I didn’t have Mike, I’d be all over that, but I’m a married woman. I’m not a whore,” she explained, shaking her head. “I don’t think I’d stand a chance anyway.”

I looked at her like she was crazy.

“Bella, are you really that dense? That man practically undresses you with his eyes.”

“I’m cutting you off, bitch. Obviously, you’re drunk.”

“Oh my god, you are that stupid!” Jessica said in mock horror.

“Shove it up your ass.” I rolled my eyes.

~.~.~.~

“Oh, come on, Rose,” I placed my chin in my hand. “Let James be a fool. No male stripper will come within a five mile radius if his ass is trying to jump every single one.”

She glared at me.

“Which means.” I raised my eyebrows. “None of us will be able to buy you a lap dance.”

She fucking beamed after that comment, which I knew she would. If Rosalie was uncomfortable about anything, it was men gyrating their hips in her face. We’d tried it once before, on her twenty-first birthday, and all that was accomplished that night was her running away. She also managed to face plant in the parking lot, trying to make her escape. Emmett was pissed when his “Rosie” came home with a broken nose and a black eye. He was even more livid when he found out that I’d dragged her to see male strippers, knowing it made her uncomfortable. Hey, I just wanted her to live a little. So sue me. Needless to say, it took a lot of begging and promises of favors to keep him from letting Rose get her way and stay home.

I have a strong suspicion that I am going to be elbow deep in deer guts on the next hunting trip Dad and Emmett take. I shuddered.

Looking around, I noticed Mom and Leah on the other side of the room. One of the strippers was bent over a chair, and my mom was—oh my fucking god. She was spanking the man with a cheesy fucking grin on her face. Leah was standing at her side, egging her on. I loved Leah like my own sister, but that was just gross. I didn’t know how she could stand there and watch Mom. Then again, her dad was Crazy Uncle Harry. Maybe she was just as fucking nuts as he was.

“Mama Swan, hold him down! I want a turn!” James yelled as he ran over to where my mom and cousin were standing. The scary part was Mom did as he asked, and the poor guy ended up getting slapped on the ass by my best gay friend. Goddamn, they were going to kick us out. I just knew it.

“Show us the cock, baby!” Jessica screamed at the new guy on stage. He sauntered over to her, leaning down so she could tuck a bill in his thong. Bree, our other friend, hollered at the man, and he jumped down from the stage. He began rubbing himself all over her, and she ate it up.

I took another drink and sighed. There were a lot of gorgeous half-naked men walking around the place, and all I could think about was an accidental strip tease back in Forks. Damn Edward and his huge ass dick.

My mother sat down next to me, breaking me out of my thoughts. She leaned back and fanned herself.

“I don’t know about you ladies, but I think it’s a little hot in here. Holy shit.” Mom gazed toward the stage.

“Mother!” I shouted, wide-eyed. “What would Daddy think about you talking like that?”

“Honestly? He’d probably bend me over the kitchen counter—“ Mom started to say.

“Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb,” I started to sing at the top of my lungs while I covered my ears. I didn’t know what had gotten into my mom, but she should have known better than to talk about her sex life. My parents were very open about the subject, much to Jake’s and my embarrassment, and we had always run screaming when it was broached. Why she thought I’d be okay with talking about it was anyone’s guess. I was seriously starting to regret inviting her.

Mom shook her head at me. “Come on, honey. Let’s get some fresh air.”

I stood up, and my mother and Rose followed me outside. We stood up against the brick wall in front of the club. It felt nice out there, and a breeze was blowing.

“So…” Mom said, leaning back.

I looked over at her, wondering what she wanted.

“Are we going to talk about it, or are you just going it ignore it?”

“What?”

“You and Edward. Now, I’ve watched you two dance around each other for weeks. I even know about the fake dating attempt. I just want to know when you are going to realize you’re perfect for each other. I’m not getting younger, and I want grandkids,” she said, looking over at me.

What the hell? I did not want to talk about Edward, however, I knew there was no way to avoid it. I had been lucky she hadn’t brought it up until then. Looks like my luck has abandoned me.

“Oh, I want to know, too. What is going on with you and Edward?” Rosalie asked, sticking her damn nose in the conversation.

“Nothing is going on—we’re just friends. We decided to bond over our mutual loss,” I murmured, unable to look at her.

“You know it’s okay, right?” Mom rubbed my shoulder. “Just because he was friends with your brother doesn’t mean you guys can’t have a relationship. If anything, I think Jake would approve.”

I let her comment sink in. Would Jake have been happy if he was alive? He was the one who had wanted Edward to come to Forks initially. Instead of my parents and me welcoming Edward into our crazy family, I knew it would have been Jake dragging his ass to functions. I wasn’t sure if he would have been fine with Edward and me seeing each other, though. He was Jake’s best friend, for Christ’s sake. Then again, he never did like anyone I had dated in the past. Embry was included in that number. God, I was so confused.

“Maybe? I don’t fucking know, Mom. I don’t think it matters anyway. He’s content to flirt with the population of Forks, so I don’t think he’s interested.” I looked down at the ground.

“I don’t care who he was friends with. I’ll kick his ass,” Rose seethed, walking off. Only, she was in heels, and it made her kind of wobble. Mom grabbed a hold of her, stopping her progress. I could have kissed the woman. I did not need any harm coming to my friend, because her fiancé would turn me into hamburger if it did.

“Settle down there, Rocky. You’re too pretty to hurt yourself,” Mom warned, steering her back toward the club.

“I’ll be fine, Sue.” Rosalie slumped her shoulders.

“Uh huh, sure. Get back inside. I know what you’re really trying to do, and it won’t work. You’re getting married in a few days, and opportunities like this will not come along very often. Enjoy it while you can,” Mom lectured in her “mom” voice.

“Only male I wanna see swing his dick around is my Monkey Man,” Rose muttered as we walked back into the club. Mom and I burst out laughing, because it was so Rose. Girl was a fucking knock out and could have had men drooling at her feet. However, she looked at most of them like they could give her a STD just by staring at her.

The rest of the night, we watched random men shake their junk for cash. Any other time, I’d have been out there with the rest of them trying to cop a feel. I just wasn’t in the mood that night.

We closed the place down, and it was James who took a stripper back to the hotel—much to my embarrassment, and the rest of the girls’ amusement. I was the one who really needed to get laid, but it was Princess Crazy that ended up scoring. Fucking Auburn God-like man who has a cock worthy of praying to.

~.~.~.~

I was fucking fuming.

Edward was, once again, letting the sluts of Forks hang all over him.

We’d come home from the Seattle trip a few days after the strip club. I’d met Edward for breakfast, and we watched my father the next morning in the diner trying to pump Mom for details. The old man was jealous of a bunch of nameless naked guys that had possibly paraded around Mom. She told him that she had sat at the table with Rose and me all night ignoring them, giving me a pointed look as she said it. I knew it meant “keep your yap shut.” I was happy to oblige, because I was afraid of the woman. She could take me out with little effort on her part.

Edward and I had laughed as we ate our breakfast in one of the booths. That was the only time, though, he showed any emotion. The rest of the meal he practically ignored me. My mother’s words didn’t make sense. We were not perfect for each other, because he treated me like I had the plague or something. It was irritating, and I wondered if he was rethinking the whole friendship thing.

“It’s raining men, hallelujah. It’s raining men,” James sang next to me, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Will you kindly shut the fuck up?” I seethed, feeling my blood pressure rise.

“Oh, don’t hate on me, Indian princess. Just because I got a piece, and you didn’t,” James taunted, grabbing a towel. “Face it…I’m much prettier than you.”

“I’m about to fuck up the pretty—” I said, lunging at him.

Two strong arms grabbed a hold of me, stopping me mid air. I turned my head and saw Edward. I slapped his arm.

“Let go of me. Don’t you have a whore you need to fuck?” I asked, glaring.

Edward released his hold and looked at me, stunned.

“Someone is sexually frustrated,” James sang, wiping down the bar with a towel. “Maybe you should have taken some of that man candy back to the hotel like I did. You’d be less violent, like me. Oh, boy. The things that man did with his tongue!”

“Too much, Jamie-boy,” Edward said with a cringe. “Wait, I thought you planned on taking a stripper home?”

“Are you fucking insane?” I screeched, leaning closer to him.

“Well, you said, and I quote, One of us single girls might get laid,” Edward said in a mocking tone.

“That bomb must have knocked something loose,” I threw my hands up into the air. “Just because I said it doesn’t mean I was going to do it. Besides, James is the only one who actually got laid. The rest of us went back to the hotel and crashed. Believe me, it wasn’t that damn exciting anyway.”

“Oh, I…um…shit,” Edward sputtered, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You know what? Get back to fucking work. Oh, and that doesn’t mean hit on every woman in the bar. You’re paid to pour drinks…not find someone to stick your dick in,” I snapped and turned away from him.

I stomped to the back room to collect myself, leaving Stupid One and Stupid Two to man the bar. The way I was feeling, they could have burned the place down, and I wouldn’t have given a damn. I was very close to torching the place myself.

The sound of howling laughter broke me out of my plans of arson. Dad was sitting on an overturned crate, turning purple. I sighed and went over to him. The man had clearly lost it, and I thought Mom would kick my ass if I didn’t at least see if he was okay.

“I haven’t had this much fun in years,” he spoke through his giggles. “I can’t wait until you two start dating. It’s like a never ending comedy show in here.”

“You do realize that if Mom goes first…I’m putting your ass in a nursing home, right?” I asked, crossing my arms.

That started a whole new round of laughter. Yeah, keep it up. You think I’m kidding. Just wait. You’ll find out one day.

He wiped his eye. “Come on, kid. There are thirsty people waiting for us.”

He threw his arm over my shoulders and steered me back out front. While I was having my near breakdown, the place had become packed. Edward and James were running around trying to serve everyone. Why in the hell were they trying to do all the work themselves? Didn’t these fuck nuts think to come get me? Oh, yeah. They probably didn’t want to get their dicks ripped off. My bad.

~.~.~.~

The next night, the bar was closed for The Epic Night of Debauchery or, as the rest of us called it, Emmett’s bachelor party. Since I had taken Rose out for a night of male strippers, Emmett thought it was only fair he get to see some titties, as he said. I told him he was an idiot and a pig, deciding to have a slumber party with Rose at my apartment.

Really, though, I knew Emmett had planned on having the parties on separate nights. He didn’t want to be drunk and unable to come get his girl if she needed him. I busted his chops a lot, but in all honesty, Emmett was a stand up guy. He treated my best friend like she was the most precious thing in the world. He even told her he was going to be picturing her in place of the strippers when she voiced her concerns about him going. Sigh. My best friend had hit the jackpot in the man department, and I knew no one deserved it more than Rosalie.

“What do you think the boys are doing right now?” Rose chewed on her thumbnail.

I sighed. “They’re probably knee deep in ass and tits. Hell, I don’t know. Do you really want to know?”

“No, not really. You’re right. It’s better to not know,” Rose nodded and stared off into space.

I laughed. We were sitting on my living room floor watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Benicio Del Toro and Johnny Depp were running around like fools on the small screen, and I wondered where James was. The diva had promised me some chocolate covered peanuts, and if his bitch ass didn’t deliver them soon—well, there’d be no more strippers in his future. I was castrating him.

“Aw, quit locking the door,” James’s muffled voice sounded from the other side of the door.

“Well, maybe if you learned what the word privacy meant, I’d stop using the deadbolt,” I teased, getting up to let him in.

He walked through the door humming to himself, dressed in pink bunny slippers and a silk robe. I shuddered, because I was sure he didn’t have anything on underneath it. James had no shame when it came to nudity, and I’d stumbled in on him a couple of times in the buff. I was surprised that I hadn’t been sent to a mental institution yet.

“Here is your candy, Indian princess,” he said, handing me a bag. “And beautiful Rose, I got you some gummy bears.”

She blushed and took his offering from him. It was then I noticed he was carrying that damn purple suitcase with him, as well.

“James,” I whined. “No more baby clothes, damn it. You know we’re not sleeping together. Enough is enough.”

“While I’m glad you’re finally admitting you’re a big fat liar,” he said with a glare, “I didn’t bring them. I brought things to dress up Rose in. So shoo, you cow.”

“One of these days, James, I’m going to turn the gas on in your oven and leave it. Maybe you’ll suffocate in your sleep. You’re not the only one who knows how to pick a lock,” I warned with a sarcastic smile.

“Promises. Promises. Anyway, I’m about to make your friend a knockout. Come on, Rose.” James motioned toward my bedroom.

“I am not your personal Barbie doll,” Rosalie argued in a weak voice.

“Hush.” James put his finger up to his lips. “You look just like one, and my momma wouldn’t let me play with them when I was little. Stupid old heifer. So, you need to help me fix that tragedy.”

Rose hung her head. “Fine.”

My best girlfriend was too nice of a person, and James had just used that to his advantage. However, I was a bitch, so I was about to be a good friend. I was taking one for the team.

“James, knock it off. You know how uncomfortable Rose gets. Just…do whatever to me,” I said, cringing.

“Well, had you taken my advice and jumped on the perfection that lives next door to you, we could be getting ready to pick out your perfect wedding night outfit. However, since you continue to live in denial…no fashion show for you.” James was pushing it, and if he didn’t knock off the taunting, I was going to make good on my threat to cut up his clothes.

“Seriously? We’re still on this?” I asked, wishing he’d just let it go.

“Yes, my dear, we are. We will be on this, as you put it, until you face the fact you want to ride his Tilt-a-Whirl. Oh, and don’t forget, have his gorgeous soldier babies and live happily ever after,” James said with a smile.

“Listen here, pain in my ass. I don’t…fuck,” I said, throwing my head back and looking up at the ceiling. I could not believe I’d just said that.

James squealed, bouncing up and down. “I knew it! I knew it!”

For the next half hour, I had to endure a James that pranced around my living room singing, You want to hug him. You want to kiss him. You want to fuck him. You want to marry him. You want to have his god-like babies.

Honestly, I was about to find a gun and shoot myself or him. It didn’t matter which of us died. I just wanted to be free of the madness.

While I hadn’t admitted it in so many words, he was fucking right. Stupid observant gay man.There was something about Edward that made me want to risk getting hurt again. He was the exact opposite of my worthless ex—kind, caring, strong, loyal, and fuck hot. I wasn't sure if I loved him, but I knew that if I opened myself up, I could very easily.

The problem was that he’d turned into a somewhat ladies’ man. I didn’t think he was taking the skanks back to his apartment. The walls were thin, and I would have heard that shit. And…probably committed a murder or two the morning after. Not gonna lie.

So…I had no idea what to do. The first time, in a long time, I was actually interested—I was at a total loss.

“You win. Quit bouncing around like a toddler on a sugar high,” I said, sighing.

Rose giggled. “Oh, God. I thought you’d never admit it.”

“I just possibly saved you from parading around in lingerie. Don’t make fun of me,” I whispered in a lethal tone.

She sobered up. Good girl.

“I’m so happy.” He clasped his hands together. “You two will look so good together. So much better than that whore Angelina that stole Brad away. Jennifer was so much prettier.”
“Focus, you strawberry Pop-tart,” I said, snapping my fingers in his face. “I’m actually going to discuss my love life with you. I’d quit worrying about your disturbing obsession with celebrities if I were you.”

“Lack of love life,” James muttered under his breath.

“You know, I’m about to kick you out. And then I’ll never share anything with you, especially if I actually start dating Edward.” I narrowed my eyes at James.

“Okay, okay. You’re right,” James admitted. “When you finally do the horizontal tango, I have to have details. I’ll be good.”

“Horizontal tango?” Rose bit her lip.

“Yeah, sex...bumping uglies…fucking…stuffing the sausage…” James said, rambling on.

“Last chance, disco queen!” I crossed my arms and tapped my foot.

“Sorry, sorry,” James said, apologizing.

“I’m so glad Emmett decided to have his bachelor party tonight. Missing this would have been tragic,” Rose said with a snort.

“Anywho,” I said, starting to get annoyed with the two people I thought of as best friends. “How am I going to get his attention away from his horde of admirers? He is obviously not interested in me.”

I was whining, and it was pissing me off.

“Well, I think I have the perfect idea.” James smirked.

~.~.~.~

It was official. The fucking fairy was going to die.

I didn’t know how he had talked me into wearing a short jean mini skirt, tight black t-shirt, or thigh-high boots with a three inch heel, but I was blaming my desperation. That, and the fact I was trying to be the bestest friend in the universe by distracting James from Mission Dress Up Rosie as a Tart.

Bitch better love me. That’s all I’m saying.

Dad had another good laugh at my expense when I stumbled into work in these death traps five minutes late. I tried to explain that time had gotten away from me.

Okay, so I was checking myself out in the mirror in my closet. Nothing wrong with being a little vain every now and then.

When I entered the main area of the pub, the whore patrol was already out in full force. Almost all of the most notorious sluts in Forks were gathered around Edward, including Miss I-Suck-Cock-for-a-Living herself—Angela. She was running her hand over his bicep, and he looked like he was enjoying it. Hell, he hadn’t even noticed I’d walked in. I decided right then and there I was not going to let the bastard get to me. I looked good, and I was going to get my flirt on. Fuck this.

I sauntered up to the bar and began taking orders. I smiled, flirted, and even laughed at a few lame jokes told by the male customers. It felt good to have some attention on me. Even if a certain someone was blind as a bat.

Not long into the shift, though, that changed.

“B-bella,” Edward said, looking at me in shock.

“Oh, hi,” I said, bending over to get a bottle from the bottom shelf.

“Are you fucking insane?” he hollered, standing behind me. “What the hell are you wearing?”

“Oh, this old thing,” I said, tugging on my shirt. “Well, James said I looked smoking in it, and I figured what the hell.”

“I’m going to kill that sideshow freak,” he said through clenched teeth. “James!”

James appeared beside me as I straightened up. “You called, snicker doodle?”

“What the fuck is this?” Edward yelled, pointing at me. I mashed my lips together, trying not to laugh.

“Bella here wouldn’t let me help Rosie pick out the perfect wedding night ensemble. Apparently, dressing in lingerie embarrasses her. So, I had to go with Plan B. My girl here needs to start dating again. I figured wearing the perfect outfit that shows off all her assets would help.” James put his arm around my shoulders.

Edward closed his eyes and looked like he was about to have an aneurysm. “A word in back, now.”

He turned on his heel and marched to the back room. James followed behind, staring at his ass.

Huh. Maybe he wasn’t as unaffected as I had thought. I was going to have to store that information for later.

I went back to work, helping Charlie give the thirsty customers their alcohol. A few minutes later, Edward and James returned, jumping right in. The rest of the night, I had to watch Edward with his fan club and try to avoid the advances of my own one growing.

I was going to kill James for talking me into wearing this get up. For real. I should have thrown out those stripper boots from the sixties g0-go dancer Halloween costume James forced me into the previous year. But I didn’t…and I ended up having to wear them. Again.

Jessica, true to her word, came into the bar later on. Only, she had dragged Mike along with her. He was pouting, but she ignored him and sat down on a stool at the bar.

“Fuck me blind, Bella! You look hot!” Jessica yelled, eyes looking like they’d fall out of her head.

“I know, right? Maybe I should let the psycho fairy dress me more often, huh?” I set a tequila sunrise in front of her.

“Now, Bella, you should be ashamed of yourself. You know that James has always had good fashion sense.” Jessica gave me a pointed look.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her. But…does she listen? Oh, no.” James stuck his hip out, placing his hand on it.

“Stuff it,” I said, walking off.

Somehow, Charlie ended up working with James at the other end of the bar. Which meant I was stuck with Edward and his band of hoochies. Oh, fucking joy.

“Oh, you look so strong. I bet you’re ripped,” I heard Angela say in that baby voice of hers.

“Um, kind of.” Edward kept his attention on the drink he was making. “When you’re in the Army, they expect you to be in top shape.”

Angela laughed her high pitched laugh, making me roll my eyes. God, what in the hell did he see in her…other than an orifice to get off in. She was not much better than a blow up doll with her dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks personality. Ugh.

Then again, maybe that was all he wanted. Someone he didn’t give a damn about to take care of his needs. If that was the case, I was the wrong girl for the job. Maybe I should just give up already. Okay, I was not going to do that. I didn’t wear these uncomfortable as fuck boots for nothing.

I was in fucking agony watching Angela try to stake her claim on Edward on the inside but had plastered on a big smile on the outside. Why is this so fucking hard? I mean, my crush on him wasn’t that big of a deal. He was a grown man and could flirt or even fuck…God, that hurt just thinking it.

As I was walking back to the bar with a bottle of whiskey in my hand, it hit me like a fucking freight train. The reason why it hurt so bad to watch him flirt with all these other girls was—I was in love with him.

The realization made me drop the bottle in my hand. It shattered into a millions pieces on the floor, and I stood frozen with my wide eyes glued to Edward.

This cannot be happening.


Love? Do I really love him?


Fuck, I really, really do.


I am so fucked, it is not even funny.

By the time my brain had started working again, Edward was standing in front of me freaking out. His hands were fluttering all around me trying to snap me out of my frozen state. If I wasn’t having a mini panic attack, I would have made fun of him.

“What’s wrong, Bella?” Edward’s voice rose. “Is that fuck, Embry, here? I swear, if he’s shown his ugly face, I’ll end him. I don’t care about going to jail, either. It would be so worth it to get just one hit in.”

“What?” I asked, finally coming out of my mental haze.

“You dropped the bottle. Last time you did that…” Edward said, letting the sentence hang in the air.

“Huh? Oh! No, I didn’t see that bastard.” I wrinkled my brow.

“Then, why—” he started to say.

I cut him off, grabbing his hand. “Come with me for a minute.”

I had decided I wasn’t going to skirt around what I was feeling any longer. I had always been a take-charge kind of girl. Embry had made that part of me go into hiding with his douche bag tendencies, but I was going to let her out. It was time.

I dragged Edward into the back room by his hand, and the confusion on his face was plain. Once we were out of sight, I pulled his head down to mine by his hair and smashed our lips together. For a moment, he just stood there as I moved my mouth over his. It was kind of disappointing, until he started kissing back.

As our lips moved together, I felt his hands grab the backs of my thighs and then I was in the air. I grabbed onto his hair tighter, giving it a light tug. He moaned, opening his mouth a little bit. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, and he began massaging it with his own.
He tasted like peppermint, a hint of whiskey, and all man. It was a heady mixture that was making me lose myself. Never before had kissing felt that good.

My back hit something hard, and our kissing intensified. His entire body was pressed up against mine, and he felt wonderful. The need to breathe became too much, and I had to pull away. I mourned the loss as he removed his lips.

He placed his forehead against mine. “What was that for?”

“I’ve decided to act on my attraction for you. Is that a problem?” I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes.

“Oh, fuck no. I was about to go tell James to fuck himself and ask you out.”
“Huh?”

“James said that the best way to get your attention was to make you jealous,” he admitted, setting me down on the floor.

“Seriously? I was about to spend the rest of my life in prison for murdering Angela the skank. Word of advice…do not listen to that cream puff.”

“What was this, then?” He pointed to my clothes.

I sighed. “James’ idea. In my defense, though, there was no plot to make you jealous. Just get your attention.”

“Uh huh.” He eyed me up and down. “You’re not allowed to wear shit like this in public anymore.”
“Well, you can’t flirt anymore.” I crossed my arms.

“Works for me,” he agreed immediately. “If that girl had touched me one more time, I was gonna throw up on her.”

He shuddered playfully, making me laugh.

“Let’s get back out there before James comes looking for us.” The last thing I needed was the cracked-out fairy finding us in a compromising position.

“Wait,” Edward said, pulling on my arm.

“Yes?”I tilted my head to the side and stared at him.

“So, um,” he said, nervously running his hand through the hair on his neck. “Fuck, I have no idea what you people do around here for a date.”

Edward looked so frustrated. It was cute, and I decided to help him out.

“I need a date to the wedding. Interested?”

“Emmett already invited me,” he said with a pout.

“So, we can still go together. I’m the maid of honor, but since Charlie’s the best man, it’s not like I’m going to hang out with him all night.”

“True,” he said, breaking out that crooked smile that made me want to drop to my knees and blow him. Fuck, I was so sex starved, it wasn’t even funny.

“Besides, you can sit with my mom during the ceremony. Dad would appreciate it, because Mom has a few admirers of her own. That way, he won’t be arrested for kicking someone’s ass,” I said with a laugh.

“Okay, I’ll go. Although, that means you’re the one technically asking me out now. God, I am horrible at this dating thing.”

I smiled at him. “I’m not that great either. My usual way of talking to a man is to make him want to cry. We’ll just be horrible together.”

He laughed and pulled me to the entrance to the bar. We both stopped quickly when we saw who was blocking our path. Motherfucking James.

He leaned against the doorframe, inspecting his nails. “I always knew you’d be a hot couple. But did you want to listen to me? Oh, no. You were both convinced that the other didn’t like you. As thanks for getting you two together, I’d like for you to name your first born James, if it’s a boy. If it’s a girl, well, Jamie works for me.”

And then he turned and walked back into the bar.

“We’re not having kids.” Edward shook his head. “That nut job will fuck them up.”

“Agreed. It will be worth it just to crush his dream,” I whispered, leaning close to him.

He pecked me on the lips and went back to work. I followed, trying to think of a way to pay back James for eavesdropping.

His nosy ass was going down.

2/2012

Backfire

1/3 shot Kahlua

1/3 shot Bailey's irish cream

1/3 shot Vodka

Mixing instructions:

Layer the Kalua on the bottom, then the Baileys, then the Vodka.

Bartender's Guide suggests serving in a shot glass

Chapter 12 Teaser #2

“Whoo-hoo!” James cried out, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Take it off and show Daddy the goodies, sweet thing!”

“Oh. My. God,” Rose said, burying her face in her hands. The blush on her face glowed in the dark club. “Why did I agree that he could come again? Seriously, Bella, this is so damn embarrassing.”

Chapter 12 Teaser

“I am not your personal Barbie doll,” Rosalie argued in a weak voice.

“Hush.” James put his finger up to his lips. “You look just like one, and my momma wouldn’t let me play with them when I was little. Stupid old heifer. So, you need to help me fix that tragedy.”

Rose hung her head. “Fine.”

My best girlfriend was too nice of a person, and James had just used that to his advantage. However, I was a bitch, so I was about to be a good friend. I was taking one for the team.

“James, knock it off. You know how uncomfortable Rose gets. Just…do whatever to me,” I said, cringing.

“Well, had you taken my advice and jumped on the perfection that lives next door to you, we could be getting ready to pick out your perfect wedding night outfit. However, since you continue to live in denial…no fashion show for you.” James was pushing it, and if he didn’t knock off the taunting, I was going to make good on my threat to cut up his clothes.

Love Potion

Not a lot of things scared me after seeing and experiencing what I had. I was too jaded and had too little to lose. Dr. Loves-the-Cock terrified me, though. The images my mind started to conjure up before I shut them down were… I shuddered. I needed brain bleach, and I needed lots of it.

After about an hour, I snuck out of Bella’s apartment and locked myself in my own. I didn’t want James catching me, and I certainly did not want to know about the supplies he had been yapping about. I’d shown Bella some moves that would be more effective than hair pulling, and she’d have James in tears, begging for his mama, in less than twenty seconds.

The fucker from the night before was a different story, though. He was as big as Emmett, and he had nearly fucking killed her. His worthless life would be in serious danger if I ever saw him again. I might not have been as big as he was, but that didn’t mean he’d continue breathing if I decided otherwise. On my mental list of the shittiest things to do, hitting a woman was very close to the top. It was the lowest of lows, and he deserved a much worse fate than I could come up with. Torture and death were too mild.

I went to shower, and when I emptied my pockets as I was undressing, I noticed that I’d missed four calls and received three texts. That was unusual. Every call and text was from Jasper. Fuck. The same Jasper I had agreed to meet for breakfast, and now it was almost lunchtime. I quickly texted him to apologize and asked him to meet me at the diner for lunch instead. He agreed without commenting on my forgetfulness. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

The shower did wonders for my back. It hadn’t agreed with a night on Bella’s couch, but pretty much my whole body had agreed with the self-defense training after breakfast – the body contact part of it, anyway. I squeezed my eyes shut under the spray of hot water.

Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it.

Crap.

I reached out and turned the water to cold, hissing loudly when it hit my back. I needed a sign in my shower stall – thoughts of the pretty firecracker not allowed. Maybe I should have it say Jake’s sister instead of pretty firecracker. That might do the trick.

Less than an hour later, I stepped into the diner. Surveying the room, I spotted Jasper in a booth with Charlie. I waved at Sue, who was behind the counter, and made my way toward them.

“You remember that,” I heard Charlie say.

“Yes, sir,” Jasper said before he looked up and noticed me. He quickly averted his eyes, blushing.

I frowned. “Hi, guys.”

Jasper nodded to me, and Charlie turned around. “Hello, son,” he greeted me before turning back to look at Jasper. “I need to get back to work. It was nice to meet you, Jasper.”

“You, too, sir,” Jasper said formally.

Charlie smiled serenely at me before leaving. I sat down in the seat he had vacated and looked expectantly at Jasper. “All right, what was that about?”

“Nothing,” Jasper replied quickly.

“Bullshit,” I countered and sent him a look I hadn’t used in a long time. I had mastered it when I had been dealing with privates who thought they could get their bullshit past me.

It seemed to work on Jasper, too. He bit the inside of his cheek and sighed. “You have people who really care about you here, Edward. Mr. Swan was just reminding me of that fact.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but I didn’t really know what to say. The fact that Charlie had…well, whatever he had said to Jasper, I was touched that he cared enough to even bother.

“You know I’m not here to cause trouble, right?” Jasper continued. “And I couldn’t be happier for you that you have a place and people that mean something to you, just like you do to them. After the way your own family and your best friend treated you, you deserve to have some decent people in your life.”

“Thanks…I guess,” I said. What did he expect me to say?

Jasper nodded with a small smile. “So, tell me about how you’re doing now. You said you were here visiting a friend originally, but then got offered the bartending job?”

I nodded. It was technically true, and also the watered down version I had offered him over the phone. Figuring if we were going to try to revive our long dead friendship, I had to make an effort, too, so I told him the more detailed version. I told him about Jake, about Afghanistan, and about how the Swans had welcomed me in Forks.

Jasper listened like he had back when we were friends. It was strangely comforting. He, in turn, told me about how he had ditched all thoughts of going to law school after completing pre-law in college. It had been another wedge in his failing relationship with Alice. With me not going to college at all, and Jasper abandoning his law school ambitions, it had been up to her alone to fulfill all my dad’s stuffy ambitions. According to Jasper, she hadn’t done so well, feeling pressured into law school and hating every minute of it.

“She dropped out and works as the PA for some executive,” Jasper said. “Carlisle isn’t happy, but it beats the alternative she had planned originally. After dropping out of law school, she wanted to sell cosmetics. I was sure your dad was gonna have a heart attack when she told him.”

I didn’t care about my dad’s reaction to a touch of reality. How he had ever thought he could play Alice and me – hell, even Jasper – as his own personal puppets was beyond me. “What about you?” I asked. “What are you doing if you didn’t go to law school?”

“Here you are, boys,” Sue interrupted, setting down a tray with food on the table. I realized we hadn’t even gotten around to ordering yet and looked at her, amused. She smiled at me. “Everybody likes burgers, Edward, and everybody loves mine. See, I even brought you coleslaw.”

I chuckled. “Thank you, Sue. You’re the best.”

“And sadly, I know it,” she said, winking. “Enjoy!”

“Thank you,” Jasper and I chorused like the spoiled bastards we were.

I quickly snatched the portion with the biggest helping of coleslaw. “That’s clearly mine,” I said with a grin.

Jasper laughed. My love for all things coleslaw was not new, so he knew all about it. His own coleslaw intake was all normal and boring. In fact, rating people by how much they enjoyed their coleslaw was not a bad way of separating the good from the bad. The pretty firecracker also knew how to slather it on generously, as did Charlie. I didn’t know about Sue, but she seemed too awesome not to be a coleslaw lover, too. She was Jake’s mom, after all.

“I’m glad they’re indulging your coleslaw obsession around here,” Jasper said. “Remember when your mom tried to make it?”

“Ugh,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “That shit was not coleslaw. It was…drowned salad?”

“I don’t know what it was, but it was definitely horrible. They have a cook now, you know,” he told me.

“No offense, man, but I really don’t care,” I said, leaning back in my seat and looking at him. “I know they’re my parents, but they’re also strangers to me. They have no interest in me, and frankly, the feeling is mutual. Tell me about what you’ve been up to instead.”

He nodded, and I knew he understood. A lot of time had passed, and we had both grown and been through a lot. But deep down, we still knew each other.

“Well,” he said, beginning to smile. “After everything had settled down after you left and the excitement of the engagement wore off, I started thinking if maybe you had been onto something. I wrestled with it for years, but finally I decided that I wanted to go my own way instead of Carlisle’s. When we were around ten years old, do you remember what I wanted to be when I grew up?”

I thought back and smiled. “Yeah. You wanted to be a detective. When we played, you always insisted on being Sherlock Holmes, and I had to be that dopey Watson. We’d either stash Alice somewhere and pretend that she’d been kidnapped, or cover her in strawberry jelly and tell her to be a dead body.”

Jasper nodded satisfied. “Exactly. I’m a private investigator. I have a small business in Seattle.”

“For real?” I asked, gaping slightly. That was possibly the coolest thing ever.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “Neither Carlisle or Alice was impressed with that decision, so I got a taste of what you went through. Only I was four years older than you were when you went through it and still had my family and all my friends from college. You didn’t have anyone.”

“I’m not going to lie and say that it didn’t suck,” I said after sampling the coleslaw. It was excellent, of course. “There were so many times when I could have used some support from home, even if it was just knowing they were there, waiting for me to come home safe. At the same time, it made me grow up when I needed to. I don’t know…if I’m honest, I don’t think as much about them now as I used to when I was deployed.

“But hey, fuck that. It’s all in the past. Dude, you’re a private dick!” I laughed as he cringed at the term, but he had used it himself in the past, so there was no mercy from me.

“Yeah, calling it that was a lot more fun when it wasn’t my job,” he admitted sheepishly.

He told me about his work while we ate. It wasn’t as glamorous as I’d expected, but there were some really interesting aspects, and I was happy that he had followed his own dreams instead of my dad’s. It earned him a lot of plusses in my book. Before we parted ways after lunch, he told me that he would be sticking around for another day or two. He said he’d be at the bar that night and to please keep the clingy, flirting dude away from him. I just laughed. James’ fascination with Jasper kept him out of my hair.

Sue refused to let me pay for lunch, so I stayed behind to bus a few tables and help out with whatever I could. Then I picked up groceries and did some laundry. I felt almost normal. At least until I spotted James in his fluffy bunny slippers, and I had to run to make it into my own apartment before he saw me. Crazy neighbors were normal, too, right?

I fixed myself some dinner before heading down to work. It was nice to cook, even if I wasn’t that good at it. As long as it was better than what they served on deployments, I was happy, though. And it was. Compared to that slobber, my own creations in the kitchen were gourmet meals. In Afghanistan, when the food had been particularly bad, Jake had drowned whatever slop we’d been served in ketchup, closed his eyes, and chanted coleslaw, coleslaw, coleslaw while he ate. He had insisted that it helped.

I smiled sadly at the thought of my friend and looked around my apartment. His apartment. I wondered what our lives would have been like today if the sniper attack and roadside bomb hadn’t happened. Jake would probably have been right here, living in this apartment and working the job I now had. He would have been laughing and living with his friends and family, and he and Bella would have been taking the shit out of James. I would probably have been preparing for another tour overseas, seeing no reason to linger stateside when I could be of use somewhere. Had it not been for my bad knee, I would probably have made the Army my life until the day I got too old. The thought alone was enough to make me partly depressed now that I had gotten a taste of civilian life. If only Chief was here…

There was a loud banging on the door, and I startled from my thoughts. “Chop chop, lamb chop! We’ve got thirsty people to serve and delicious asses to ogle!” James called through the door. “And I know you’re not making babies because Bella is out here, and you can’t make babies on your own!”

I snorted and put my dish in the sink. The guy was more baby obsessed than any woman I had ever met. Making sure I had my keys and cell phone, I left the apartment and somber thoughts behind. Bella and James were waiting outside my door – him humping a large green plant and her shaking her head while trying not to laugh. I decided not to ask.

It was a relatively busy night at the bar. At least busy enough for me to miss Rose, Emmett, and Jasper arriving. Suddenly, Rose was seated in front of me, though, smiling at me like I was her new best friend.

“Hey, Rose,” I greeted her.

“Hello, Edward,” she replied. “I’d like a Tequila Sunrise and permission to punch Jasper, please.”

“Coming ri-” I started and then frowned. “Um, what?”

“Get working on that Tequila Sunrise, and I’ll explain the second part,” she replied.

“Yes, ma’am,” I muttered. A moment later, I placed the drink on the counter and looked expectantly at her.

She smirked and took a sip. “Not bad, newbie. Now, can I please punch Jasper?”

“Thanks,” I said. “And um, why are you asking me?”

She shrugged. “I just thought I’d be polite. He told Emmett and me over dinner exactly what kind of craptastic friend he’d been to you. I then figured I had a choice – I could be the friend of Emmett’s random college roommate with the annoying, druggie girlfriend, or I could be the friend of someone Jake thought very highly of. It wasn’t a difficult choice. And you may be a tough soldier and all that, but I’d totally punch Jasper in your honor. Well, if I don’t trip first, that is.”

I laughed, but I was genuinely touched because I had no doubt that she was being serious. “I appreciate it, but please don’t punch anyone on my account. Jasper and I kissed and made up.”

“So unfair,” James commented as he passed behind me.

“But he was such an epic asshole!” Rose objected. “How can you just forgive something like that?”

“It was a long time ago, and we were both young,” I replied. “My dad tried to influence him just like he did me, and for a while it was easier for him to control Jasper because of Alice. I don’t know. When he first contacted me, I didn’t want to even talk to him, but now I’m kinda glad that I did. He’ll never be my best friend again, but after everything, I’ll settle for less.”

She frowned and sipped her drink. “You’re a better person than I am.”

I shook my head and thought about all the people I had killed, all the people I had let down and disappointed, and all the different choices I could have made. “No, I’m not.”

Rose shrugged with a smile. “We’ll just agree to disagree. I’m just glad you’re not the creepy stalker I thought you were.”

I snorted. I really liked Rose. I went to serve some other customers, and that took me further toward the end of the bar where Emmett and Jasper were sitting. I overheard Bella talking to them – well, talking to Emmett. She seemed to be giving Jasper the cold shoulder and ignoring his attempts to get her to talk with him.

I chuckled to myself. She was pretty fucking amazing. Between her, Charlie, and Rose, I seemed to have my own little private army, ready to stand up for me. It was exhilarating to have people like that in my life, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to take them for granted. I didn’t know what I had done to deserve them other than being lucky enough to call Jake my friend, but I was going to treasure them, that much was certain. As long as they wanted me to keep sticking around, I couldn’t come up with one single reason to ever leave Forks. It was like when I had found my place in the Army – I felt like I belonged.

I served a sullen-looking Renee, who was no doubt disappointed that Charlie wasn’t working. According to Bella, Renee never showed her face at the diner because she was scared of Sue. She just had to wait for the nights Charlie worked at the bar. The poor woman had been trying to get his attention for more than twenty years. Bella had told me so. It kind of made me feel sorry for her – wanting something she couldn’t get for that long.

I tried talking to her, but she ignored me whenever I wasn’t bringing her a new drink. Instead I overheard Bella tell Jasper how proud she and everybody else had been when Jake had joined the Army. The pretty firecracker didn’t need to learn self defense – her words were enough to make a grown man cry. I couldn’t help but smile as she continued to tell him how she and Rose had made cookies and treats for Jake’s platoon when he had been overseas, because every soldier deserved to be reminded of how much the people back home appreciated his or her sacrifice. Ouch. Jasper needed to watch out before he really pissed her off.

James marched up to me like a diva on a mission. I hoped it didn’t involve any talk of babies. “You. Me. Back room. Now,” he said, prodding a finger in my chest to accentuate each word.

“Um, no thanks,” I replied.

“It wasn’t a request, sugar cane. It’s serious business,” he said and tried to push me toward the back room.

I didn’t move an inch. He seriously needed to start working out if he wanted to push me around.

“I’ll climb up on the bar and tell everyone how much I enjoyed it when you licked my nipples last night if you don’t move right now,” he threatened.

“What the fuck?” I spluttered. “You wouldn’t!”

“Try me,” he said with a smirk.

I sighed and hung my head. One of these days, I would need the upper hand when it came to James. Maybe I needed to enlist Bella and Emmett’s help. Surely Jake’s old pranking partners could come up with something to make the diva simmer down a bit.

James knew he had me and waltzed ahead of me out back. Once we were out of earshot from the bar and its patrons, he turned to me. “Okay, man meat. As much as I’d like you to actually lick my nipples, I have some serious issues I need to address. First of all, why the ever-loving fuck didn’t you tell me that Donkey Dick out there was an asshole – and not in the good way?”

“Jasper?” I asked, ignoring most of his ramblings. “Who said he was an asshole?”

“He said so himself, which I suppose counts for something, but he can be as divinely delicious as he wants, but if he doesn’t treat you well, he automatically goes on my shit list,” he said and took a much needed breath. “It doesn’t really matter if he’s got the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, or the softest looking hair, or an ass that is just begging to be bitten, or thighs I just wan-”

“I get it!” I interrupted, suppressing a shudder at the thought of anyone biting Jasper’s ass. That was just…ugh.

“Of course you do. After all, it’s pretty obvious how gorgeous he is,” James agreed. “I just wanted to assure you that you’re far more gorgeous, so I’ve got your back, lover. If he messes with you, I’ll karate chop his pretty ass for you.”

“As disturbing as that thought is, thank you, James. I appreciate it,” I said. “I’m sure it won’t be necessary for you to do anything to his ass, though.” Where was that brain bleach when you needed it?

He gave me a satisfied nod. “All right, onto the second part of the agenda for the evening. I officially call your bullshit.”

“What bullshit?” I asked.

“Whatever bullshit you and the Indian princess are trying to feed me,” he replied, narrowing his eyes at me. “How stupid do you think I am, huh? There’s no way you two have even attempted to make babies, and I don’t know why you would lie to me so cruelly. All I do is love you.”

He looked like he might actually start crying, and I was a little torn. I didn’t like lying, but I also didn’t want to tattle on Bella since it had been her idea. “Why do you think we haven’t tried to…um…aren’t together?”

“Oh, please,” he scoffed. “If you’d practicing for babies, you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off each other. I sure as hell wouldn’t if I’d had you writhing naked in my bed. Just sayin’.”

I closed my eyes briefly and leaned back against the wall with a sigh. “Bella thought it might get you off our backs, and I kinda agreed. No offense, but we don’t need a pushy matchmaker.”

“Aw, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me, baby cakes,” he crooned. “But seriously, why don’t you want my help if you love her, but you aren’t together?”

I stared at him, replaying his words in my mind. If you love her… If I loved her? Did I love Bella? I thought about the look in her eyes when we talked about Jake, the sound of her laugh when we ganged up on James, how her body had felt against mine when I had been teaching her self-defense techniques, how she had stood up for herself that first day outside the cemetery, how scared and broken she had looked when her stupid ex had come to the bar, how undeniably beautiful she was, and how her big heart had changed my life before I had even met her.

I vaguely heard James calling my name before running out of the room, screaming for someone to call 911. However, I was too preoccupied to care. My whole world was shifting around me, and it felt similar to an earthquake or a missile hitting nearby, only without the structural damage and the casualties.

Bella came running in, and that made me smile. Gone was the earthquake, and I knew. I had fallen for the pretty firecracker. James was going to buy more baby clothes when I admitted it to him, I just knew it.

“Edward? Edward, answer me, damn it! Are you sick? Do I need to get a doctor?” Bella fussed. “James, go get a chair and a glass of water. Maybe his knee is hurting.”

I shook myself out of it. Returning to reality was like venturing out on the first patrol the first time I had been overseas – pretty fucking scary. In my head I could be in my own little love bliss, but in the real world I had to deal with the consequences – either act on my feelings or watch her love someone else. Scary shit for a mentally stumped ex-soldier who hadn’t talked about his feelings in years, and who had no idea how to treat a lady.

“I’m okay,” I told Bella while avoiding her eyes. I was afraid she might see right through me and laugh. “I just…I just got caught up in my head, that’s all.”

Bella paled, and I wondered what the hell I had said. “About…what happened in Afghanistan?” she asked softly.

Aw, hell. How did this go from love to war traumas? I didn’t want to lie to Bella, but I also couldn’t be honest – at least not right then. So I tried both and probably failed. “No, not exactly,” I replied. “Just some stuff. You know how you sometimes realize something important, and it takes your breath away because it was so damn obvious, but you just didn’t see it?”

She looked at me curiously. “Um…sure?”

I snorted and shook my head. “Never mind. I’m sorry I worried you and James, but I’m fine.”

“James came out screaming that you had fallen into a coma, and that we should call 911 and ask them for a helicopter so you could be airlifted to Seattle. He was also willing to donate a kidney and give blood,” she said, finally cracking a smile again.

We walked out and met James by the door.

“Oh, sweetums! You’re awake!” James cried and nearly tackled me to the floor in his eagerness to hug me. My back got slammed into the door frame, and for a brief second I almost wished I was in a damn coma. That shit hurt.

“Not for long if you don’t stop choking me,” I muttered.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized and let go of me. He put a bar stool down. “Here you go, sit that squeezable ass of yours down. I’ll get you a stiff drink. Unless, of course, there’s something else you’d like stiff instead.”

“James, leave him alone and go do your job,” Bella said, trying not to laugh.

“Yes, boss lady. Just shout for me if the stud muffin needs mouth-to-mouth,” he replied and saluted her.

I picked up the stool and put it away. “I’ll just go back to work and pretend the past fifteen minutes never happened,” I told her.

She laughed. “Good luck with that.”

I got back to work. Between tasks, I admitted to myself that I didn’t really want to pretend that my little epiphany hadn’t happened, just the stuff that had happened after. I hated feeling like an idiot, and I hated hurting my back even more. Loving Bella, however… I grinned to myself, making Renee look at me like I was the crazy one. Loving Bella. Loving Bella was a feeling I could definitely get used to.

The rest of the night flew by, and afterward I had no idea what I had been doing. I only hoped I had been serving the right drinks to the right customers. I barely even remembered Rose, Emmett, and Jasper leaving. I helped close up, but didn’t follow Bella and James upstairs. Instead I stayed outside in the chilly night to try and get a little perspective that the semi-busy night at the bar hadn’t offered me.

What did a man do when he finally realized that he loved a woman? I was so fucking clueless that it wasn’t even funny. I hadn’t been in love before, but I had no problems recognizing the feeling for what it was. I just knew somehow. I didn’t know how to proceed, though. Did I ask her out? And ask her out where? And how? What if she just laughed at me? Or worse yet, told me to get lost and never show my face in town again? I needed help, and unfortunately there was only one person I could think of as a possibility.

A minute later, I was knocking on James’ door. When he opened up, he was wearing only his fluffy bunny slippers and a big smile.

“You missed me, didn’t you?” he greeted me.

“No, but I need your help. After you get dressed, that is,” I replied. “It can wait until the morning, though. I don’t want to um, interrupt whatever you were doing.”

“Me? I wasn’t doing anything,” he said innocently, looking down at himself. “Oh, you mean the no clothes bit. Well, I could say that I was waiting for you, but that would be a lie. I was just airing my junk.”

I choked on a laugh. “Airing your junk?”

He nodded. “You’d enjoy being aired, too, if you spent all day stuffed down a pair of jeans. Just sayin’, teddy bear. Now come on inside and sit your bitable ass down while I slip into something uncomfortable.”

He disappeared into his bedroom, and I sat down on the couch. His apartment had a very interesting décor. It was very James. There were brightly colored pillows everywhere, and the furniture was an eclectic mix of old, modern, and plain weird. The artwork on the walls was…erotic? Pornographic? I had no clue, but it was full of naked people.

I was rethinking my decision to ask him for advice when he came back into the living room. He was still wearing the bunny slippers, but thankfully also a pair of jeans and a basketball shirt. He plopped down on the couch next to me.

“So, butter butt. What’s up? Tell Auntie James all about it,” he said with a grin.

I rolled my eyes. “Well, it’s about Bella and what you said down in the bar…”

“You love her and need my help because you only know how to train hunky soldiers – not how to woo someone,” he stated.

“Basically, yes,” I admitted. “I haven’t been in a real relationship since high school. I saw how the other guys struggled to be away from their girlfriends or wives, and I didn’t want to put anyone in a situation like that for my sake.”

“That was very noble of you, but also very stupid. Anyone would want to wait for you to come home, sweet cheeks. It’s a fact,” he said and tilted his head speculatively. “I think the best way to get the Indian princess out of her funk and notice that she can’t possibly live without your hunky self is to make her jealous. Everyone wants what they can’t have. Just look at poor, little me.”

“Make her jealous how? Isn’t that kind of mean?” I asked. “I just figured I could ask her out or something.”

“No, no, no, no. You need to get her attention, or she might not think you mean it as a real date. Trust Auntie James on this – I know my princess. And it’s harmless. You just flirt a little with the women – and men if you feel so inclined – who come into the bar. Give ‘em that dazzling smile of yours, and they’ll be drooling so much that Bella will get jealous. It’s completely fool-proof.”

I wasn’t so sure, but when he started talking about pedicures instead, I decided that it was time to leave. I thanked him for his advice and promised to try it out. If it backfired, I vowed to buy a shotgun and shoot him.

A little later, I had showered and was lying in my bed, trying to fall asleep. I thought about the pretty firecracker, and how lucky I was to have her in my life – both in Afghanistan, where she’d kept me sane without knowing it, and here where she gave me a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. I grinned to myself.

I loved Bella.

My grin faltered. Jake would have kicked my ass. Shit. And Charlie was going to shoot me.

Damn.

2/3/12

Love Potion

1 oz Orange vodka (Stoli)

1/2 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur

1/2 oz Cranberry juice

Mixing instructions:

Chill all ingredients over ice. Strain into chilled shot glass. Serve and enjoy.

Bartender's Guide suggests using a shot glass

Chapter 11 Teaser #2

“Oh, sweetums! You’re awake!” James cried and nearly tackled me to the floor in his eagerness to hug me. My back got slammed into the door frame, and for a brief second I almost wished I was in a damn coma. That shit hurt.

“Not for long if you don’t stop choking me,” I muttered.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized and let go of me. He put a bar stool down. “Here you go, sit that squeezable ass of yours down. I’ll get you a stiff drink. Unless, of course, there’s something else you’d like stiff instead.”

“James, leave him alone and go do your job,” Bella said, trying not to laugh.

“Yes, boss lady. Just shout for me if the stud muffin needs mouth-to-mouth,” he replied and saluted her.