“No.” I crossed
my arms and glared.
“But why
not? You have an extra room that’s going to sit empty anyway.” James mirrored
my stance.
“No.”
“Come on,
Indian princess.” His lips pulled into a pout. “It would be so much fun. We
could have slumber parties, movie marathons, and I’ll even give the Greek God a
break from having to run out for your midnight cravings. Baby Cullen deserves
whatever she desires, and since I’m the best Auntie in the world, I’ll make
sure she gets it.”
I sighed.
“James…don’t you have your own apartment?”
“Please?”
“You know
what? If you can talk Edward into letting you live here, then I don’t care.”
James
squealed, clapping his hands. “Where is
that delicious piece of man meat?” he asked, darting his eyes around the room.
“Oh, Cuddle Bug!”
James left
out the front door in search of my husband. I knew when the Diva caught up with
Edward, he was going to be pissed. Oh, well. It served him right. In his quest
to drive me insane, he’d insisted I only unpack the boxes with lightweight
items. He was taking the pregnant women
can’t lift anything heavy idea a
bit too far. I was pregnant, not an invalid. Having James bug him about living
with us was my payback for him being an ass.
Mike had
really done a great job with the renovation, and he was quick, too. Instead of
two identical one bedroom apartments with a living room, bathroom, and kitchen
each, he’d transformed them into a large three bedroom with an open floor plan.
There were also two bathrooms—one in between the two smaller bedrooms and one
in the master bedroom. I smiled, loving how the place had turned out.
I reached
down and rubbed my stomach. Since Edward and I had told my family we were
expecting, I had started to get excited about his or her arrival. It was hard
not to with the way the family seemed to burst with joy every time I saw them.
I was going to be someone’s mother, and that thought terrified and thrilled me
at the same time.
I had
extremely large shoes to fill. Growing up, I had the best mother any child
could ever have. She was always there when Jake or I needed her, and neither of
us ever questioned her love for us. It radiated off of her. My mother had
taught me everything I needed to know about how to be a wonderful mother by
example. I was afraid, though, with me being me…I’d screw it up somehow.
Edward
didn’t seem to share my fear. He’d had a set of crappy parents, and to make up
for his lack of knowledge of fatherhood, he had begun to ask advice from my dad
about how to be a good father. It was cute and made me love the man even more. Because
he was willing to go against his manly pride to become the kind of father our
child needed. He also started reading all the books I’d bought in Port Angeles
and had even bought a few for himself. He said it was so he could learn
everything there was to know about pregnancy. No woman was luckier than I in
the husband department, and I tried to be understanding of his misplaced
protectiveness.
Well, that is until
Edward starts making me nuts. Like today…for example. Oh, I hope James is being
his usual over-the-top self.
“Go home,”
I heard Edward say.
“But, sweet
cheeks, you won’t even know I’m here most of the time.” I watched as James
followed Edward into the room.
“I highly
doubt it. Besides, I’m still scarred from seeing you naked the last time. I
don’t need you ‘airing out your junk’ in my home,” he said, using air quotes.
“Well.” James
bit his lip. “You do win the who is
bigger game, but I’m sure you’d be screaming my name if you gave me a
chance.”
Edward
covered his ears and began singing, “La la la la la!”
“Knock it
off, you Chihuahua.” I shook my head, having had enough. “In case the bun in my
oven wasn’t obvious, he’s quite partial to the pussy. There was never a contest
James…you lose by default.”
I looked
over at Edward, and his mouth was hanging open.
“What?” I looked
at him and shrugged.
“Not if you
were the last human alive, James,” he said with a shudder.
“You know,
if you spent less time flirting with each other, and more time moving boxes,
we’d be finished by now.” I pointed at the two of them.
“Well, if
my wife hadn’t told Chatty Cathy she was okay with him moving in if I said yes,
I wouldn’t have to keep stopping to tell him no. Instead, I’m about to bury our
neighbor deep in the woods. So, the constant breaks, my dear, are your fault.” Edward
narrowed his eyes at me.
“Oh, get
over it. I could be carrying boxes, too, but I’m apparently crippled. So suck
it up.”
Edward
walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. His sexy soldier voodoo
made it hard to stay mad at him…and believe me, I tried. He kissed me on the
nose and then left the room. Ugh. I was powerless to his charms.
Between
James and Edward, they were able to move most of our things into the apartment
that morning. There were only a couple of items we needed to get from Mom and
Dad’s, and then we were officially moved in. I was ready to live with Edward,
even if he acted like an idiot at times.
~.~.~.~
Jessica and
Rose were laughing so hard, they were about to fall off out of the booth. Leah,
who was sitting next to me, had buried her face into the table, shaking with
mirth. I’d shared the story about telling James he could move in if Edward said
yes, and they were enjoying his reaction. We were having lunch at Upstairs, and
it was nice to spend time with the women I considered my closest friends. It
didn’t hurt we were having fun while we trashed our men and retold all of the
stupid things they had done.
“Oh god,
Bella. That is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. I would have loved to have
seen Edward’s face when James said that.” Jessica had tears streaming down her
face, she was laughing so hard.
“It was
priceless.” I giggled. “Besides, Mom taught me that all is fair in love and
war. And payback’s a bitch.”
“I love
your mom.” Rose sighed, clutching her stomach. “I need to get some pointers on
how to deal with Emmett.”
“What has
the giant ape done this time?” Leah asked, still recovering from my story.
“I feel
like a bitch for letting it get to me, but I can’t take much more. He
won’t…um…clean up after himself,” Rose whispered, cupping her hand over the
side of her face.
Leah,
Jessica, and I leaned in closer.
“What do
you mean he won’t clean up? Is he using the floor as his laundry basket and
leaving his dirty dishes in the sink?” Jessica cocked her head to the side.
“Oh no,
it’s nothing like that. I could handle some socks lying around and dirty
plates. No, he…um…uh…has a problem with his aim.” Rose’s cheeks flamed a bright
scarlet.
“Ouch.” I winced,
shifting in my seat. “I’d kill Edward if he missed my hole, if you know what I
mean.”
Rose covered
her face. “No, I mean when he pees, not everything goes into the toilet.”
The three
of us laughed hard as Rose’s face became a lovely shade of fuchsia. I heard a
throat clear, and we turned our head toward the noise. My mother was standing
in front of our table.
“Oh, that’s
easy. Just tell him until his aim in the bathroom improves, you’re cutting him
off. I promise, he’ll either figure it out quickly, or he’ll start wiping it up
himself. You gotta train them early, otherwise, you’ll be bald by the time
you’re my age.” A teasing smile graced Mom’s lips.
“Okay, Aunt
of mine, maybe you can help me out.” Leah looked down. “I think I’m in love
with Jasper, but when I told him, he freaked out. What do I do about that?”
I was a
little shocked by Leah’s confession and wondered if that was what had upset her
at Thanksgiving. She had been hostile to
everyone and even more so toward Edward. I could understand her ire, since my
husband was Jasper’s friend…or had been at one time.
Sue
motioned for Jess and Rose to scoot over and sat down next to Leah. She grabbed
her hand and squeezed it.
“Oh, honey.
That’s awful. Tell me what happened.” Mom rubbed Leah’s hand.
Leah began
telling us how he’d taken her to Seattle to spend a couple of days together.
They’d had a wonderful time, and Leah said she’d never felt so loved. So, going
with the enchantment of what she had called “the perfect moment,” she told him
how she felt. Jasper had flipped out and began telling her she was wrong; there
was no way she could love him. Leah ended up leaving Seattle with her heart
broken.
“That
bastard!” I smacked the table with my palm. “I’ll have his balls for hurting
you.”
“I don’t
know Jasper that well, but from what I’ve heard so far, you’re better off
without him,” Jessica said in a soothing voice.
“I’m with
Bella.” Rose nodded. “I knew he was bad news.”
“I love you
guys, but I don’t think it’d help anything. I guess I’m just unlovable.” Leah hung
her head.
“Oh hell
no. You are one of the coolest chicks I know. Maybe we should make a trip to
Seattle.” Jessica patted Leah’s shoulder.
“Men are
pond scum,” I said, and the girls nodded their heads.
A squeaking
sound made us turn toward the left. Standing off to the side was my husband,
looking like he wanted to escape. If I wasn’t so pissed off at his former
friend, I would have found him cute.
“Why are
you looking at me like that?” Edward’s voice cracked.
“What?”
Leah furrowed her brow.
“I was
coming to see if Bella was ready for her doctor’s appointment…but never mind.
I’m sure we can reschedule. Or something.” He spoke so fast, I almost didn’t
catch what he’d said.
I huffed.
“Ugh. It’s all your fault I have to go. You and your stupid super sperm got me
into this mess.”
“I love
you?” It came out as a question.
Just as
Jessica was about to lay into Edward, Mom raised her hand, stopping my friend’s
tirade. “Girls.”
Sue shook her head at us. “Leave the poor boy alone. He’s not the reason you’re
mad, and besides, Rusty’s one of the good guys. Aren’t you, dear?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Edward’s head moved up and down quickly.
Sue glared
at him, and he cleared his throat.
“Um…I mean
Mom.” He gave her a wide grin.
“That’s
better,” Mom said, smiling. “Like I said, train them early, and you’ll have no
problems later on.”
We chuckled
while Edward had a perplexed look on his face. Silly boy. He wasn’t aware that
his training had already begun.
“Let’s let
Bella and Edward get to their appointment…and Leah,” she said, pointing to my
cousin. “Come with me, dear. We have some things to discuss.”
I left the
table and went over to Edward, taking his hand and walking out the door. He
followed behind me until we reached his car. I swatted his hands away when he
tried to help me in, and he sighed, getting in and staring the car. He didn’t
try to talk again until we were almost to the doctor’s office.
“Um, what
was that back there?” Edward kept his eyes in front of him.
“Jasper’s
an ass.” The words came out in a hiss.
“I knew
that. What did he do to incur your wrath this time?”
“Did you
know he had Leah come up to Seattle, gave her a spectacular weekend, and then
flipped out when she told him she loved him? Ugh.” I flopped back in the seat.
I watched as
he narrowed his eyes. “I thought they were getting along okay.”
“Yeah, so
did I. Then Leah tells me your friend…ex-friend…damn it. You know what I mean—gives
her crap about it. You’re a guy. So tell me…why are you all stupid?”
Edward
cleared his throat and pouted. “I thought I was doing pretty well.”
I patted in
hand. “You’re getting there.”
He laughed,
and the sound made my heart flutter. I loved to hear my husband happy. It made
me feel like I could help him deal with the things his family had done to him.
For the first time in my life, I wanted to be the shoulder to cry on, the
secret keeper, and the warm embrace my significant other needed. That fact
scared me, because I wasn’t sure if I was good enough to do it. I’d decided I
was going to try, anyway, and be the best wife for the man who had come into my
life and turned everything upside down. He was responsible for changing me from
a bitter harpy to someone who was willing to love without fear.
~.~.~.~
“Miss
Swan?”
“Um, here,”
I answered the nurse.
I stood up
to follow her through the door leading to the exam rooms, and Edward was next
to me. He held my hand as we passed the threshold with a scowl on his face. My
brow furrowed in confusion, wondering what had upset him. Since he’d found out
about the appointment, he’d been nothing but excited to go with me. The way he
was acting at the moment made me question whether or not he’d changed his mind
about BC, and that thought scared me.
“All right.
Let’s check your weight.” The blonde nurse waved toward the scales.
She asked
question after question as she weighed me and then led us to a room. I tried to
answer them as best I could, while Edward sat down in one of the chairs by the
table with the same expression on his face. His behavior was beginning to piss
me off.
“What’s
your problem?” I asked once the nurse left the room. “If I remember correctly,
you wanted this just as much as I did. Are you having second thoughts?”
Edward’s
head snapped toward mine, and I steeled myself for his answer. I knew if he
regretted our child, it was going to break me. I would be strong, because BC
deserved one of his or her parents’ love, and I was going to do everything in
my power to provide it.
“What? No!”
Edward shot up out of the chair.
“Then what
the hell?” I glared at him. “Since we’ve been back here, you’ve acted like
someone killed your pet hamster or something.”
“They
called you ‘Miss Swan’ and that’s not your name anymore. You’re a Cullen now,
and they should use your married name.” He walked over and stood in front of me.
“Are you
kidding me?” I backhanded him, hitting his chest. “You have me all worried
you’re going to flake on me, and you’re freaking out over a name?”
“So, are
you telling me you’re going to go by Swan, then?” he asked with a pout,
pressing his forehead to mine.
“Um, no,
jackass. It’s my first appointment, and when I made it, my last name was Swan. I haven’t had a chance to
change it.” I pecked his lips.
“Oh.” He
pulled back and looked ashamed.
I lay back,
closing my eyes. There were too many witnesses in the doctor’s office, so I
couldn’t kill my husband just yet. We really needed to work on the
communication thing, or I was going to end up a widow. Not to mention, BC would
end up fatherless.
The doctor
chose that moment to walk in, and Edward took a couple of steps back. Dr.
Richardson was a statuesque woman who looked to be in her forties. Her dirty
blonde hair was pulled up into a bun on top of her head, and under her white
coat, she had on some type of suit. She had an air of confidence about her, and
I liked her immediately. Truthfully, I was glad the doctor I’d been set up with
was a woman. The men in my life were idiots, and I didn’t need another moron in
charge of my child’s care in the womb.
“So, this
is your first appointment?” Dr. Richardson peered at me over my file. “Now, we
usually take a urine sample, do an internal exam, and then perform a sonogram. There’s
a restroom at the end of this hall, and if you’ll go ahead and give us a
sample, we can get started on the rest. The sterile cups are already in there,
and you can place it in the metal door located inside.”
Oh, goodie. I get
to do this again. Ugh.
The same
nurse met me in the hall after I left the room. She gave me the same
instructions before I entered, making me feel like they thought I was mentally
challenged.
I amend my
statement about women. Apparently everyone in this world is stupid but me. It’s
going to be a long nine months.
Once I was
finished, I went back to the room and hopped on the table. Edward still sat in
his chair, but he was fidgeting. I looked over at him, raising my eyebrow.
“Do you
want me to stay? I mean…I can leave if you aren’t comfortable with me being in
here.” He slid to the edge of the chair.
My silly soldier
man. Like I’m going to let you leave.
“Of course
I want you in here,” I said with a smile.
He let out
a breath and grinned as the nurse came back in, telling me I had to put on a
gown. I knew it was coming, but Edward looked confused. She left to let me
change.
“Um,”
Edward stared, turning red in the face and rubbing the back of his neck.
I chuckled
as I began to undress. “It’s okay. You can turn around if you want.”
He rolled
his eyes. “Want some help?”
“Please
tell me you’re kidding.” I slid my arms through the gown’s sleeves. “We’re in a
doctor’s office, and the doc is about to check out my hooha. Now is not the
time for you to seduce me.”
“Admit it.
It would have been fun,” Edward said with a wink.
“You’re
impossible.” I sighed and leaned back.
I covered
my lower half with one of those paper sheets and ignored Edward. A few minutes
later, Kate, my doctor, came back in. She still had a perma grin on her face as
she looked at us and saw Edward had decided to stand next to me and hold my
hand.
The
internal exam was just as I expected. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing.
Even more so because when she began inserting things into me, Edward looked
like he wanted to punch the doc. I had to calm him down by telling him I was
okay. Dr. Kate just laughed and told him he wasn’t the first Daddy to threaten
her life when she performed the procedure. I, on the other hand, wanted to
crawl into a hole and die when he gave her a dirty look.
She brought
over a machine on wheels when she was finished poking my insides. It had a
strange wand thing attached to it. The doctor explained it had to be inserted
to do the sonogram since I was still in the early stages of my pregnancy.
“Of course
it does.” Edward glared at the transducer. “You people just like sticking
things up my wife.”
I was sure
he hadn’t meant for me to hear those words, but I choked when I did. Looking
over at Edward, I begged him with my eyes to behave. I could see he was trying
to control the urge to take out the staff. It was nice to know he was
protective of me and BC, but his caveman mentality was going to get him sent to
prison. Conjugal visits didn’t appeal to me, so I began rubbing my thumb over
the back of his hand, hoping the action would help calm him. He really needed
to chill the fuck out.
Edward had
his eyes on me as the doctor prepared the wand, covering it in goo. His gaze
never left mine as she pushed it in, but when I winced at one point, his lips
pressed into a firm line, showing his displeasure toward my discomfort.
While one
of the doc’s hands held onto the wand, the other began fiddling with the
sonogram machine. A loud, whooshing sound filled the room. It got both Edward’s
and my attention, causing us to look at Dr. Kate. She chuckled.
“That sound
would be your baby. The heartbeat is strong and healthy, which is good.”
Tears
gathered in my eyes, and I was overcome with emotion. I looked up at Edward,
seeing he was overwhelmed, as well. For the first time since I’d found out I was
pregnant, it became real. I’d thought I loved the creature that had taken up
residence in my uterus before, but I was wrong. At that moment, the love I had
for BC was incomprehensible.
“If you
look right there,” Dr. Richardson said, pointing to a small, peanut shaped blob
on the screen. “You can see your baby.”
Edward
leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Thank you.”
“What for?”
“For loving
me, marrying me, giving me a child, and making me the happiest man alive,” he
muttered into my hair.
And just
like that, all of the irritation I’d felt toward Edward earlier vanished. It
was hard to stay mad at him when he was being that sweet.
“I had
help, you know,” I joked.
He
chuckled.
“Everything
looks good,” the doctor said, removing the wand. “From the measurements I’ve
taken, I’d say you’re about eight weeks along. Congratulations, you two.”
~.~.~.~
We left the
office not long after, stopping on the way out to make an appointment for next
month and change my name. Edward was fucking beaming when I did it, and even
though I’d given him a hard time about it, it made me happy, too.
“You know
we have to give one of these to Mom,” I said as we drove back toward our
apartment.
Edward
looked over at me. “Of course. I wouldn’t want to deprive your mother of the
first picture of her grandchild.”
I laughed.
I was glad the doc was smart enough to give me more than one sonogram picture.
My mother was going to demand one of them, because she had been waiting for a
grandchild a long time. Since it had finally happened, she was going to be over
the top about it.
“Smart move.”
I smiled at him. “She wouldn’t think twice about kicking your ass to get it.”
He laughed
loudly.
We arrived
at our home, and Edward helped me get out of the car. It was a few hours before
our shift at the bar started, so we decided to lounge around until then. There
hadn’t been many chances for us to spend time together alone, and we were going
to take full advantage of the opportunity.
Edward and I
sat down on the couch, and I put my feet on his lap. He wrapped his arm around
my shoulder as we looked down at the sonogram pictures spread out on my thighs.
“BC is so
tiny,” Edward ran his finger over the small image of our baby.
“I know.”
“I’m going
to fuck this up,” Edward admitted, leaning back and running his hand over his
face. I moved the pictures to the coffee table in front of us and turned toward
my husband.
“What?” I was
confused by the change in his mood.
“I have no
idea how to be a good father. Your dad has been giving me advice, but I didn’t
have the best example growing up. Not to mention, it’s their blood running
through my veins. I’m not going to be able to escape my crappy genes.” Edward let
out a frustrated growl and placed his head in his hands.
“Edward?” I
shook his shoulder.
“And I’ve
never been around babies. Newborns scare the hell out of me. They’re so
fragile, and I’ll probably break him or her.” Edward lifted his head and stared
at me.
Shit.
He was
right. Newborns were very fragile; I’d never been around one either. My
experience with babies was nonexistent, and I had no idea how to care for one.
Didn’t people say that most books about child rearing were nothing but crap? I
started to hyperventilate.
Oh god, it
wasn’t going to be Edward who was going to screw up our kid. Its incompetent
mother was going to drop them or something. I just knew it.
“Are you
okay?” Edward asked, noticing my panic attack.
“We are going to mess up our kid.” My voice
rose with each word. “I mean…you’re right. We have no experience, and even if
he or she makes it out alive despite our incompetence, there are therapy bills
we will be looking at. We haven’t exactly surrounded ourselves with the sanest
people on the planet.”
“Bella—”
Edward’s eyes went wide.
“Oh God,
Edward!” I cried, gripping his arm. “BC will grow up to hate us.”
“Fuck,”
Edward muttered, running his hand through his hair.
I was
sobbing and picturing how fucked up our lives would be.
“Bella, I’m
sorry for upsetting you. I’m completely stupid and was just voicing my fears.
We’re going to be fine, and you’ll be a wonderful mother.”
I cried
harder.
“Please
don’t cry, baby. It kills me when I see your tears. Tell me how to make it
better,” Edward said in a panicked voice. “You can hit me if it’ll make you
stop. In fact, I want you to punch me for making you cry.”
“I don’t
want to hurt you.” I let out a loud wail.
I flopped
myself onto his chest, soaking his shirt with my tears. He began rubbing my
back in an up and down motion while speaking words of encouragement. They
didn’t help, though.
A knock on
the door made Edward pause his movements.
“Let me go
get rid of whoever it is,” Edward whispered, releasing me.
I let him
go and curled up on the couch, continuing to cry. I didn’t know why I was so
upset over Edward’s confession, but I was. In a way, I was sure it was because
he had voiced the fears I’d tried very hard to ignore. I had focused on the pregnancy part, not
focusing on the fact a person I was going to have to care for would be the end
result.
“What’s
going on?” my mother asked, concern clear in her voice.
“I, um,
shit,” Edward stammered, looking at my mother with pleading eyes.
“I’m going
to be a horrible mother!” I sobbed even harder.
Mom walked
over and sat down beside me, gathering me in her arms. Edward took the opposite
side and placed his hand on my back. She rocked and shushed me until I composed
myself.
“Will
someone please explain why my baby girl is all upset?” Mom looked over at
Edward with concern on her face.
“Um, well,
I might have said something about how I thought I’d screw our kid up.” Edward winced.
“Then she started crying.”
Mom blew
out a breath and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me closer.
“Charlie
needs some help with counting the inventory. Maybe you should go help him.” she
asked, smiling at Edward as she rubbed my back.
“Yes, Mom.”
Edward had his mouth opened wide.
Edward
pressed his lips to the back of my head and then headed out the door.
“There.
There. Every mother worries about not being good enough.” She smoothed my hair
back. “But you’re going to be fine.”
“But—”
She sighed.
“I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone. I hope that by hearing
my mistakes it’ll show you no one is perfect, but that doesn’t mean you’re a
horrible person.”
I leaned away
from her embrace, waiting for her to continue.
“The first
week after Jake was born was so stressful. I was so tired, and your dad was
practically killing himself by managing the diner and bar, while trying to help
me out with your brother. It got so bad, I had to put my foot down. I told him
we’d be fine, and he needed to sleep at night, instead of getting up with him
every time he cried.
“One night,
after your father finally gave up and listened to me, I heard Jake and knew it
was time to feed him. I went downstairs and fixed him a bottle. Bella, I was
exhausted. I didn’t realized I’d put orange juice in the bottle, until I almost
gave it to him. I felt so horrible, and I cried for days over it. Of course,
Charlie never knew what had happened, because I never told him. I just ran back
downstairs after I saw what I’d done and made a new one. My point is, Bella,
even the best of us muck things up. You just have to learn from your mistakes
and keep going.”
Hearing my
mother’s story did make me feel better. I had always pictured her as the
perfect example of what a mom should be, and realizing she wasn’t helped me see
I didn’t need to be that way either.
“Thanks,
Mom. That does make me feel better.” I wiped my cheeks.
“I’m glad.
However, you ever tell your father I’m not perfect…” she said with a laugh,
letting the sentence trail off.
“Don’t
worry. Your secret is safe with me.” I chuckled.
“Besides, do
you really think I’ll let you mess up my grandchild?”
“No, I
don’t think you will.” I sighed.
“I think
I’m gonna go check on Edward and your father. I love that boy, but he’s about
as smooth as Charlie sometimes. I know he means well…he just needs to learn how
to not put his foot in his mouth all the time.”
I nodded my
head.
“Come on. Let’s
go see what they’re up to. He’s probably mentally flogging himself for
upsetting you if he’s anything like your father.”
“Well, I
don’t think I could have done any better than finding a man like Daddy.”
Mom smiled
at me. “Yep, even though that man drives me nuts, he’s one of the best men I
know.”
And she was
right. Edward, at times, reminded me of my dad in a small way. He was the type
of guy who would do anything for his family. I decided BC would be hard pressed
to find a better father than Edward.
