Pretty firecracker tears were quickly becoming my least favorite thing in the world. I trudged down the stairs while I mentally berated myself for my timing when it came to voicing my insecurities to a very emotional Bella. I wasn’t confident that I knew how to be a good father, but I had four things in my favor. One, I knew how to avoid being craptastic like my own dad; two, BC was going to have the most amazing mom in the world no matter what Bella said; three, BC was a tough kid – he’d beaten the condom, after all; and four, Sue wanted grandkids so much that she would never let me ruin BC completely. She would throw me out on my ass and shoot me with one of Charlie’s rifles if I messed up too much. BC was damn lucky.
And so was I. No matter how terrified the thought of becoming a parent made me, it also made me smile like an idiot when I thought about BC growing inside of Bella. We’d done the math, and it seemed that our disastrous first time had resulted in more than just embarrassment, disappointment, and misunderstandings. I had a feeling Bella was never going to let me live that one down. I could live with her teasing as long as she didn’t tell anyone, though.
“Hey, Charlie. Sue said you might need help with the inventory,” I greeted my father-in-law when I’d made it down to the area behind the bar.
“You in the doghouse, too?” Charlie asked with raised eyebrows.
He chuckled at the no doubt surprised look on my face.
“Is ‘doing inventory’ Swan speak for being in the dog house?” I asked.
“Pretty much,” he admitted.
“Good to know,” I said. “You better put me to work then. I made Bella cry when I…um, expressed my insecurities about being able to be a good father to BC.”
“Well, if she’s anything like her mother when she was pregnant, then you can make her cry by telling her that you’re getting a cup of coffee or by taking out the trash,” he said. “I don’t claim to understand women, but when they’re pregnant, they make even less sense than usual. Just say ‘yes’ and nod a lot. That’s my best advice.”
“Gotcha,” I replied. That seemed simple enough.
“And don’t worry. Parenting isn’t easy, but you’re good people. You’ll get it right. Love and common sense gets you pretty far. And the rest you’ll figure out along the way.”
“Thanks. I hope you’re right,” I said. “At least we know BC will have the best grandparents.”
Charlie laughed. “I am going to spoil that kid so much.”
I smiled. I did not doubt that Sue and Charlie would live up to the responsibility as grandparents and spoil BC as much as they could.
Charlie put me to work, and while I counted, I once again started thinking about my useless excuse of a family. They had been on my mind more since I had learned that I would be someone’s father soon. My child was still just a blurry blob on an ultrasound picture, and I couldn’t fathom the idea of cutting myself out of their life just because I didn’t agree with their decisions. I couldn’t imagine that particular decision getting easier once I actually got to know BC.
My family obviously didn’t care enough to find out how I was doing. And if they did know, would they even be happy for me? Thinking about it, I decided that they probably wouldn’t. Being a bartender was no doubt as bad as being a soldier in my dad’s eyes, and I was pretty sure that my mom would have wished I’d married one of her snobbish friends’ debutante daughters in a lavish wedding. I also couldn’t see my parents being as excited to become grandparents as Sue and Charlie were. My sister…well, who knew what she thought. She was so self-absorbed, and in high school she had been a real homophobe. Much as the diva annoyed me sometimes, I would choose his company over Alice’s any day.
I had no idea if Charlie really did need to do inventory or if he was just humoring Sue, but we were quickly done. We grabbed a cup of coffee, and then he went back to work. Taking the sucking up route, I went to the grocery store to get chocolate-covered cherries for my teary wife, and then I cautiously made my way upstairs. I had no idea in what state I’d find Bella in, or if Sue was going to take away my coleslaw again.
I tip-toed inside and shook my head at myself when I realized that I was holding my breath. Bella was reading on the couch, holding her book with one hand and the other one kept protectively in place over her still flat stomach. I smiled. We would be okay. No kid would ever get more love than ours, and I could dig up some common sense like Charlie had said. I’d had and used plenty of it in the Army, after all.
As if sensing my presence, she looked up.
“I’m sorr– ”
“I’m sorry, I– ”
Bella bit her lip, and I cleared my throat before we both started laughing. I sat down next to her and offered her the cherries. She took the bag and peered inside, smiling when she saw what was in it.
“I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” I said as she popped a cherry into her mouth and offered me one, too.
“I know,” she replied after having hummed her appreciation for the cherries in a way that made my mind wander off in a direction that contained a lot less clothes. “And I’m sorry for freaking out. Apparently being pregnant means that a little nervousness makes you sob. I apologize in advance if I get really nervous – God knows how I’ll react.”
“I don’t like your tears,” I admitted. “But you know what I’ve realized? We won’t mess up BC. We’ll do a good job being parents, and even if we don’t know what we’re doing at first, your parents will make sure that BC turns out just fine.”
She smiled and shared another cherry with me. “I think BC is lucky to have you as his or her daddy. I can’t imagine you failing at something as important as that. And I’m sure that if we try really hard, we’ll get it right.”
“You’ll be a wonderful mom,” I said and leaned over to kiss her. She tasted of chocolate. “You’ve got the best role model in your own mom.”
“I really do. And I’ll be doing my best,” she replied. “Okay, now that it’s settled that we won’t mess up our child, then we can get to the good stuff. Names.”
I laughed. “Just not James.”
Bella wrinkled her nose and laughed with me. Then we spent the next hour discussing names, but we only agreed on the ones that we didn’t want. And it was a long list. A name was important. Growing up, I’d hated mine because it was so old-fashioned. I’d gotten used to it, but I didn’t want my kid to have a name like that. I humored Bella by discussing girls’ names, but I knew it was a waste of time. BC was a boy. Nothing anyone said could convince me otherwise. Besides, I had a bet to win, and I knew my kid wouldn’t let me down.
Later that day, work was the same as the previous nights. I worried about Bella, she narrowed her eyes at me, I worried less obviously, she fell asleep in the office, and then I carried her upstairs. I was never going to tell her my reasoning, but I really needed to talk her into stop working so late at the bar as my back was already protesting when I carried her up the stairs. Sleeping at a desk couldn’t be very comfortable either. James and I could handle the closing whenever Charlie wasn’t there – we did so anyway when Bella slept in the office. Pretty firecrackers were just damn stubborn.
When she had done her falling asleep act for a week straight, I stopped nagging and just let her sleep. It seemed easier, and I was afraid of the waterworks starting. I could talk to Charlie about it later. Or get Sue onto my side. That was probably a better tactic. Until then my back would have to suffer.
“If I fall asleep down here, will you carry me to bed, too?” James wanted to know one night. “If so, I’d prefer it to be your bed.”
“I wouldn’t carry you anywhere even if you fell asleep in the middle of the street,” I replied and grabbed another case of empty bottles.
He pouted. “That hurts, buttercup.”
“It would hurt more getting hit by a car while you were sleeping, so do yourself a favor and don’t fall asleep unless you’re sure it’s somewhere you actually want to sleep,” I said. “Hey, can you get those bottles over there? If Bella sees all this clutter, she’ll have our balls. Or start crying. And honestly – I don’t know what would be worse.”
“You were a lot more fun back when you weren’t whipped,” he grumbled. “I think the Indian Princess already has your balls in the purse she refuses to carry. Or maybe in her pocket so she can squeeze the hell out of them whenever she feels like it. To think that you used to be a big, bad soldier…tsk, tsk, tsk. Such a shame.”
“And to think that you used to actually do your job instead of standing around yakking all night,” I said, collecting the bottles myself. “Be careful or the big, bad soldier will tell Bella or Charlie on you.”
“Bah. They love me. I’m too pretty to get fired,” he said decidedly.
“If you say so,” I replied. “But could you please, for the love of all that is holy, help me with this? Those bottles and glasses won’t magically remove themselves.”
“You really are no fun, baby cakes,” he said with another pout and started to collect glasses.
“Thank you,” I said, sighing. I was really thankful that I wasn’t his boss, because getting him to do anything was a nightmare.
When the bar was cleaned up, we said goodnight to the last customers and closed up. The place wasn’t as busy as when I’d started working there, but I was impressed by the amount of customers this deep into the off season. I knew Forks was no tourist Mecca, but a few people did pass through town during the summer. Most of the clientele were regulars, though, and I’d gotten to know quite a few of them.
“Goodnight, pooh bear,” James called out. “I’ll leave my door unlocked in case you turn gay in the next hour.”
I rolled my eyes and flipped him off. He cackled all the way up the stairs, and I started turning off the lights. Then I went into the office to get Sleeping Beauty. Flipping off the last lights and locking the door had become routine with Bella in my arms. I was always a little afraid of tripping up the stairs since I was carrying very precious cargo, but so far I had managed to avoid it.
One of the lessons I’d learned about pregnant firecrackers was that when they slept, they slept like the dead. Pretty much nothing could wake Bella up, and getting her out of her clothes was something that resembled a wrestling match. She always managed to make the opposite moves of what I needed her to make to get her out of her clothes and into a tank top. I had long ago given up trying to wake her up so she could brush her teeth. She did that during the night when she was up for a trip to the bathroom.
Once the wrestling was over and done with, it was heaven to climb into bed, cuddle up with my wife, and fall asleep to the sound of her even breathing. In our bed. I liked that. Our bed. It was even better than my bed, although that had been amazing at first, too.
Living with Bella was awesome - except when she’d yelled at me for leaving the toilet seat up, which had led to a long discussion about the pros and cons about leaving it up. The result of the discussion was that I always put the seat down. I was turning into Charlie, and Bella was turning into Sue. I would probably have minded if it wasn’t for a very scary alternative – turning into my parents. No way was that ever happening.
There had been other hiccups during the first few weeks of living together officially. It was new to us both, and while being generally laid back people, we had a few kinks to work out about the stuff that we were anal about. Like whether the potholders went into a drawer or on a hook next to the stove. If the cap on the toothpaste stayed on or off. Lots of little things that didn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things, but were different habits that one or both of us needed to change. Well, habits I needed to change. I was not about to cause more tears, so I said yes and nodded a lot like Charlie had told me. He was a very wise man. And it wasn’t so bad. Kind of like swallowing a fish bone. It only bothered you for a moment. Well, until you choked. But I’d avoided that so far, luckily.
***
“Ever been fishing?” Charlie asked me. Bella and I were having lunch at the diner with him and Sue, and the ladies were busy talking about Christmas cookies. Apparently they had taken the concept from tasty treats to major operation that involved planning, delegation, and about fifteen different lists. I decided not to ask and just hope that I’d get to taste. A lot.
“Not really,” I replied. “Jasper and I tied our shoelaces onto sticks when we were kids and stuck them in the lake, but that’s as far as my experience goes.”
Charlie chuckled. “Well, Emmett and I are planning to go out tomorrow morning if you want to join us. I’ve got an extra pole you can use so you don’t have to bring shoelaces.”
I smiled. “Thanks. I’d like that.”
And that was how I found myself on the edge of the river freezing my ass off the following morning just after dawn. To everyone’s surprise, James had insisted on coming, too, once he’d heard that we were going, and my only solace was that he seemed to be even more miserable than I was. I still hadn’t gotten around to finding some appropriate clothes, so I was in my fatigues again. Charlie and Emmett were dressed in warm, sensible clothes, but James was dressed like he was going to work. He only had a hoodie over his t-shirt and jeans, and his sneakers were soaked in mud.
“Are we done yet? I can’t feel my toes,” he whined. “Scratch that. I can’t feel anything below my…chin. No, wait. My nose.
“Dude, we just got here,” Emmett replied with a grin that clearly said that he didn’t feel sorry for James. “We can’t go home before we actually get any fishing done. That’s the whole point, you know – to fish when you go fishing.”
I kept my mouth shut. I was freezing, too, but I wasn’t about to admit it.
Despite the cold, I discovered that I liked fishing – at least when James wasn’t whining. I realized that living in the city for most of my life, I had never really appreciated nature before.
“It’s coooooold!” James cried. “I’m blaming you all if my dick freezes off.”
“Shut your mouth, boy. You were the one who begged to come with us,” Charlie said. “I’ve got the car keys, and I’m not leaving until I catch something.”
“Please, Papa Swan? I’ll buy you some fish! You can have all the fish you want! Big fish, little fish, flat fish, fat fish – just please, let’s go home!” James begged.
Eventually, Charlie ordered James to take a walk so he could keep warm, although personally I was convinced that it was just to get rid of him and his whining for five minutes. Silence settled once he’d trudged off in between the trees muttering about bears, snakes, and lions. I wondered where he thought he lived.
“He’s never going fishing with us again,” Emmett declared. “I was two seconds away from putting a hook in his ass or filleting him.”
“Truer words were never spoken,” Charlie agreed. “And you need some warmer clothes, Edward. I appreciate you not complaining, but there’s no need to repeat your block of ice impersonation if you want to come out here again.”
“Yes, sir,” I replied, trying to avoid my teeth chattering too loud.
“Is that a soldier thing?” Emmett asked. “The not complaining thing, I mean.”
I shrugged. “There’s no need to complain about things I can’t change. I’ll get warm again eventually.”
“I know what is a soldier thing, and that’s the being able to shut up part,” Charlie commented. “Too bad they never got a chance to teach you, Em. It’s a useful skill. Now shut your trap, and maybe we’ll get lucky that a fish will bite before Chatty Cathy comes back.”
I tried not to laugh as Emmett struggled with the concept. He did manage to catch an empty beer can before James came back, but that was as far as our luck went.
“I saw a crocodile up the river!” James exclaimed. “It looked right at me, and I’m sure it thought I looked really tasty.”
Charlie rolled his eyes and pulled his line out of the water. “Boy, someone must have dropped you on your head when you were a baby. The most you saw up the river was a log. And logs don’t look at you or eat you.”
“It really was a crocodile,” James insisted. “I even took a picture with my phone before I ran back here. Look!”
He showed his phone screen to Charlie who sighed. “It’s a log. And we’re going home now. Anyone who wants to come out here again and knows how to shut up can come with me in a few days. But if we stay today, someone is going to end up in the river, and it won’t be me.”
“Sorry you didn’t catch anything,” I said to him on the way back to the car.
He chuckled. “I might not be taking a home a fish that Sue can cook for dinner, but I did get to spend time with my boys. It hasn’t been a totally wasted morning.”
And that was yet another reason why Charlie Swan was probably the most awesome man I had ever met.
Back home, I rushed directly into the shower and under the hot water. My teeth were chattering, and I was feeling pretty stupid for not having worn the right clothes for a winter morning out by the river. I really needed to go shopping for something warm and waterproof.
While I was heating up under the hot water and steaming up the bathroom, Bella slipped into the shower.
“Did you catch anything?” she asked, pressing her glorious, naked self against my back.
Her adventurous hands made me forget her question for a moment before I was able to string together a reply. “Um, no. But James saw a log.”
“A log, huh? Lucky James. I hope it didn’t make you too sad that you missed the thrilling experience.”
“Well, he claimed it was a crocodile, but your dad disagreed,” I tried to explain, thoroughly distracted by her hands wandering down to my eagerly waiting cock.
“Sounds like a very interesting and highly fascinating story, but we really need to stop talking about James and my dad while we’re naked,” she said and kissed my shoulder.
“Beautiful and smart,” I said, turning around. “How did I get so lucky?”
“I have no idea, but you better not forget it,” she replied with a saucy smile.
“No, ma’am.”
I turned her around in my arms, loving the way we fit together. The way she always willingly melted into me did things to my heart that I had no idea how to explain. Right then, it did things to my body, as well, and I slipped into her easily. She arched against me, and my hands caressed her wet skin from her hips, over her stomach, to her beautiful breasts. I loved every single part of her – and her being all wet was a favorite of mine.
The most overpowering feeling was being inside of her. I could elicit certain reactions from her with my actions. Long, slow thrusts meant breathy moans. Sharper thrusts made her gasp and latch onto my hands with her own and squeeze. Kisses to the back of her neck made her shiver.
The sound she made when she came was one I vowed to make her make again and again until I got so old that my cock, hands, and mouth stopped working. Only not right then, because I was busy climaxing, too. The world ceased to exist, and she became everything.
“The water’s getting cold,” she said a while later, yanking me out of my blissful state.
And she was right. It wasn’t just getting cold – I was fucking freezing again without having realized it. And she was, too.
I turned off the water and reached for a towel. Even though I was cold and in a hurry, I still took great pleasure in drying my beautiful wife. Drying meant rubbing, and rubbing was good. Plus, it made her giggle, and I loved that sound. When she was dry, I reached for a second towel and let her ogle me while I dried off.
Abandoning the towels on the floor – which would make Bella yell at me later – I grabbed my wife and carried her to bed. The best cure against the cold was snuggling under the covers. And if snuggling – against all odds – should fail, I was pretty sure that we could come up with an alternative that would do the job.
After the cuddling – and alternative activities – we were toasty warm and ready for food. I made us some brunch, and Bella decided that a picnic on the living room floor was in order. When she sat against the couch munching on pancakes and bacon, only wearing one of my t-shirts and showing off her shapely legs, I was pretty sure that there was no happier man in the world than me. The feeling inside of me was light years from the misery I’d been so caught up in following Afghanistan, and I owed it all to the vixen running her bare toes up and down my calf while she had maple syrup running down her chin.
I just had to lick it off, and then we heated up some more.
***
I had forgotten how much of a nightmare Christmas shopping could be. Compared to before, I suddenly had a lot of people to buy presents for, and I was clueless. Luckily, I had Bella to help with the presents for everyone else, but in many ways, her gift was the most important one, so I had to get it right.
I drove to Port Angeles and headed toward the mall where James had dragged me clothes shopping a few months prior. The first store I spotted was a toy store, and I wished BC wasn’t hiding in Bella’s stomach so I could get him some cool toys. Nearly flattening my nose against the window, I looked at the trains, the Legos, and the action figures, imagining how much fun BC and I could have playing with it all. I couldn’t remember my dad ever taking the time to play with me when I was a kid, but it was one of the things I looked forward to with BC. And I was definitely getting him a cool train set next Christmas. And some Legos. And a teddy bear twice his size – those were cool.
I finally tore myself away from the toy display with a sigh. BC was going to be easy to buy presents for. Not like his mom, who I had absolutely no idea what to get. I wanted it to be epic and over the top because she deserved it, but she wasn’t the kind of girl to be impressed by the stuff that most women got impressed by. That was one of the things I loved most about her, but right then I wished I could get her diamonds and whatever fancy stuff all the girly girls liked.
I considered getting her plane tickets for a trip somewhere, but I hadn’t done my research and didn’t know if it was safe for her travel. Getting her baby stuff was not a good idea, as James was slowly drowning us in clothes, toys, and random things he considered necessary. Bella didn’t wear much jewelry, so that was out, too.
I wove through the masses of people carrying a million shopping bags each while I looked at the stores’ displays. Nothing seemed to catch my eye, and after a couple of hours I was tired, annoyed, and tempted to get her the damn train set or the Legos.
I sat down on a bench and thought about what I wanted to get her. It had to mean something and it had to make her smile. All those freaking tears were messing with my head. Pulling out my phone, I decided to ask the all-knowing oracle known to the world as Google. Typing in thoughtful present like the loser I was, I was rewarded with a lot of lame ideas. Well, that would teach me, wouldn’t it? I scoffed at what I read. A scrapbook? And what was I supposed to put in one of those? Pictures from our decade-long relationship? Mementos from our many dates? Scrolling down, I saw more stupid ideas. Books? Really? Those weren’t very personal. And a collage? A collage of which pictures exactly?
I frowned. I sure as hell wasn’t going to make a collage, but maybe I could cash in a few favors and get Bella some pictures of Jake. There had been a few guys who had carried cameras around all the time some of the places where we’d been stationed together. Sending off a few emails, I hoped that they’d get back to me in time.
Then it was time to get back to Project Christmas Present for Bella. A few pictures weren’t going to cut it. After an intense, but rather random shopping spree, I had gotten several bags of stuff. A camera since none of us had one, and BC’s life definitely needed to be documented in great detail. As did ours, come to think of it. Yep, a camera was a good idea. I’d also gotten some photo albums and a gold medallion with room for two tiny photos inside. I knew Bella wasn’t much of a jewelry girl, but I figured she might like to carry a picture of BC once he was born.
I didn’t know what the Swans’ Christmas traditions were, but when I was a kid, my grandmother had always given Alice and me stockings filled with goodies on Christmas morning. My parents hadn’t carried on with the tradition after my grandmother passed away, but I liked the idea and was already looking forward to next year when I could spoil BC. This year, I was focusing on Bella, and I had bought her a stocking with her name on. To fill it up, I had gotten the tear-reducing miracles, chocolate-covered cherries along with some of her favorite music, an Army onesie for BC because that shit was just cute as fuck, a travel catalogue so we could pick out somewhere to go sometime, and as the grand finale, I got her a sheet of rub-on tattoos with headdresses. I knew she’d get the joke.
Before leaving the mall, I made sure to get the rabbit’s foot we’d forgotten to get James. Freaking the diva out for Christmas was something I hoped could become a tradition.
