6/05/2012

Chapter 17




The feeling of a gun in my hand again was almost orgasmic. Maybe I had been an arms dealer or a collector in a previous life – or an assassin. I liked the assassin theory. I looked back up from the gun in my hand to James, who was flattened against the wall across from me. I took another step toward him, loving how his eyes widened. The gun was pointed at him, and he whimpered pathetically as he begged for his life, promising never to bother me again with baby talk, stupid name-calling, and his Tom Cruise crap.

It didn’t matter, though. The flaming diva was going to get a bullet between his eyes, and when he was gone, my sanity would be safe forever.

“Please don’t. Please, please, please, please don’t shoot me!” he begged. “I’m too pretty to die!”

I laughed manically, scaring myself a little. Then I raised my hand slightly and took aim. In my mind, James turned into a giant target. The sweat was trickling down his neck, and his eyes flickered wildly, looking for a way to escape.

“Die, sucker,” I said, pulling the trigger.

“Noooooooooo!” he screamed as the bullet tore into him.

Even as he slid down the wall, into a puddle of his own, pink blood full of sequins, he was still screaming – only he started sounding more and more like Bella.

Shit! Shit! Shit! What had I done?

Bella!

I sat up with a gasp. It was dark around me, and my heart was pounding in my chest. The sound of Bella’s scream was still ringing in my ears. No, wait. It wasn’t an echo of my dream – she was, in fact, screaming.

With one hand I reached out for her, and with the other I flicked on the light. She was thrashing around, and the scream turned into sobs before I could do anything. Were you supposed to wake people who had a nightmare? I was pretty sure I had heard that you shouldn’t, but I couldn’t just listen to her scream and sob without doing anything. I pulled her into my arms and held her tight, not knowing what else I could do for her. I didn’t want to scare her.

“Ssshh. It’s okay, baby. You’re safe,” I mumbled into her hair. I hoped fucktard Embry hadn’t invaded her dreams. If he had, I wasn’t above killing the son of a bitch.

Like me, Bella woke up with a gasp. She struggled against my hold for a second, but just as I was about to loosen my arms around her to give her some space, she buried her face in the crook of my neck and cried.

“It was just a dream, love,” I whispered. Pretty firecracker tears were not something I liked.

After a few minutes, her tears stilled. She pulled back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Sorry,” she rasped, pushing her hair out of her face. “It was just so real.”

It was weird that we had been having nightmares at the same time, but I pushed my own to the back of my mind and focused on Bella.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

She hesitated a little. “I couldn’t remember Jake,” she admitted softly. “I couldn’t remember what his voice sounded like or what his face looked like. I couldn’t remember his laugh…it was like he was slipping further and further away from me, and I just couldn’t hold onto him. And then he was just completely gone. I am dealing with losing him, but my greatest fear is forgetting him, you know? I couldn’t handle that.”

“Baby, I know that nightmares have a way of being irrational, but you know that Jake is as unforgettable as they come. You won’t ever forget him.”

“I know I won’t forget him, but I have to dig deeper and deeper to remember the sound of his voice or his laugh. I’m so afraid that one day I might not be able to at all,” she said, sniffling into my neck. “I’m such a horrible sister!”

“Stop that. You’re not the least bit horrible,” I argued. “It’s natural. I sometimes have a hard time remembering, too. And I was with him last, you know. And forget about remembering what my parents sound like. I mean, I’m sure I’d recognize them right away if I heard them talk, but right this moment, I can’t recall the sound of their voices.”

She sighed. “I’m sorry. That is so sad.”

“I was so mad at my dad when he cancelled Jake’s cell phone,” she continued after a moment. “I used to call it just to hear his voicemail message. Mom and Dad never did the whole home video thing when Jake and I were growing up. The voicemail recording was the only thing I had with his voice on.”  

“I can help with that. Whenever you’re ready, I have some videos Jake and I made together,” I told her. “It’s just stupid stuff, but he’s there – talking and laughing and being his funny self.”

“Really?” she asked eagerly, looking up at me.

I nodded. “I haven’t actually watched them since we made them, but we can watch them together. Or with your parents, if you think they would want to.”

“I think they would love to see them,” she replied. She tightened her arm around my waist. “You are so good for all of us. Not just because you’re a link to Jake, but more than anything because you’re you.”

I leaned down and kissed her. She had it all backwards. She was so good for me that I felt more alive than I had in years – maybe ever. And her whole family had taken me in like they had been waiting their whole lives for me. Esme Cullen hadn’t cared when I was in a coma and seriously wounded, but Sue Swan had been worried when I had been in a simple fight. That alone spoke volumes to me. And above it all was Bella – my shining light of everything that was good in the world. Hell, she was my world.

I looked at her face. Right now my world had fallen back asleep. I placed a kiss on her forehead and pulled up the blanket around us so she wouldn’t get cold. Sleep didn’t find me right away – instead my thoughts drifted to the dream I’d had before waking up. It had been violent in a very absurd way, although I often wanted to shoot the crazy diva in the ass.      

***

“I want to get another tattoo,” I said the following morning over breakfast.

We had talked a little about the previous night, but Bella seemed to be okay. I had checked her for injuries in the shower, and the only reason that the asshole who had touched her was still breathing was because I hadn’t found any. My face hurt a little, but that was a small price to pay for finally getting to beat the shit out of Embry. Not even when I had been practically face to face with the enemy in Iraq or Afghanistan had I ever wanted to kill another man as badly as the night before. Fighting for my country was one thing – fighting for Bella was another thing entirely.

“Oh yeah?” Bella asked, trying not to smile. “You’re not looking badass enough already?”

I chuckled. “I’m not trying to look badass. I am badass.”

“Whatever you say, soldier boy,” she said with a laugh and stabbed the last sausage with her fork. The sausage I had been eyeing. Damn.

“You should get one, too,” I suggested, trying to recover from the sausage tragedy. Instead, I snatched the last piece of bacon, grinning in victory when she pouted.

“A tattoo?” she asked, frowning a little and slid her bare foot up my leg under the table as if that would make me surrender the bacon. Keep dreaming, firecracker.

“I like tattoos,” she said thoughtfully. “But I can’t really think of anything important or symbolic enough for me to want it on my body forever. I haven’t done anything of importance like you and the army, and you’d have to shoot me before I got a rose or a butterfly or whatever prissy crap most girls get.”   

I laughed. “That’s my girl.”

“What are you going to get?” she asked.

“A headdress. A big one,” I replied. I had first gotten the idea when I was in the hospital, and since then the idea had been floating around in the back of my mind. And now I wanted it.

“A headdress? Are you part Cherokee or what?”

“Funny, Swan. No, it would be for Jake,” I replied. “You know – Chief. I don’t know. It makes sense in my head, and I’m going to do it as soon as I find a decent artist around here.”

She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “That is…possibly the best reason to get a tattoo I’ve ever heard.”

I smiled. She was kind of right. During my time in the Army, Jake had been the only one I had allowed to get even remotely past all the walls I had erected around myself. Losing him and the Army at the same time had been like losing everything. The least I could do was commemorate my best friend like I was commemorating the Army on my back.

“You should go see Marty. He has his own parlor in Port Angeles, and he’s done all Rose’s tattoos,” Bella said, draining her coffee cup.

“Marty? Wait. Rose has a tattoo?”

She smirked. “Yup. Several, in fact. She’s just extremely good at hiding them under her grandma clothes.”

“Well, damn,” I muttered. That woman was just full of surprises.

After breakfast, Bella got me Marty’s number, and after a quick phone call, I had an appointment two days later. In those two days, Bella decided that she wanted a tattoo, too. I didn’t even bother to hide that I liked that idea. Charlie, however, was not so enthusiastic. At least not until Sue decided that she liked tattoos. I laughed at Charlie just like everyone else, but I knew there was a really big chance that I would become just like him – whipped beyond belief. Strangely, I didn’t mind all that much.

“You don’t mind me stealing your idea, do you?” Bella asked two days later when we were on our way to Port Angeles. “Apart from coleslaw, I just don’t know anything else that is so Jake as a headdress. And I really don’t want a coleslaw tattoo. That’s more your style.”

I grinned. “It is, actually. I should consider that for next time. And no, I don’t mind at all.” In all honesty, I was thrilled that she wanted the same tattoo that I was planning to get. A smaller one, but the same nonetheless.

Marty turned out to be a really nice guy with more artistic talent in his pinkie than I had in my whole body. He was probably also a mind reader because it didn’t take him long to draw a sketch of the exact kind of headdress that I had pictured in my mind.

I wasted no time telling him that it was exactly what I wanted, and since Bella insisted that I went first, I was in the chair in no time. I wanted the tattoo on my upper arm, and as soon as the needle touched my skin, I was transported back to a time where a different Swan had been sitting next to me. Just like Jake had, Bella was biting her nails and asking a million questions. Did it hurt? How long would it be before it healed? Could it be erased if she changed her mind later on? Could someone be allergic to the ink?

Marty was a good sport and helped me answer them, but the longer he worked on me, the more nervous Bella looked. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she chickened out like Jake had done.

“Edward, be completely honest. How much does it hurt? Like a migraine? A pinch? Being burned? What?”

I tried not to laugh or roll my eyes. I had answered that particular question at least four times in the last hour. “Like I said, it hurts at first, but then it’s just a dull ache. However, if you’re not certain, I don’t think you should get it done today. We can come back whenever you’re completely ready.”

She frowned and chewed on her thumb nail. Her gaze was fixated on the needle decorating my arm, and if she hadn’t looked absolutely scared out of her mind, it would have been funny. There would definitely be no tattoo for her today.

“Tell you what,” Marty said to Bella as he finished up my tattoo. “I’ll make a file for you with the sketch, and then you can come back anytime when you feel you’re ready. It doesn’t wash off in the shower, so you need to be sure that you want it.”

“I’m sorry,” Bella said on the way home, eyeing my newly tattooed arm. “I’m such a fucking coward. Ugh.”

I laughed. “You could always claim just to follow the Swan family tradition. Remember that Jake chickened out, too?”

“Oh yeah,” she said softly and smiled. “We’re badass, us Swans.”

“Extremely,” I deadpanned, wincing when she hit my arm just beneath the tattoo. The woman was dangerous.

Later that night, Charlie was brave enough to be happy that Bella hadn’t been inked, after all. It probably had something to do with the fact that Sue wasn’t there, but the look on Bella’s face told me that he should quit while he was ahead. His disapproval might fuel her desire to actually get one eventually.

When Charlie was working, it was more difficult to sneak out back with Bella when things were slow. When we tried – and we did try because keeping our hands off each other was fucking hard – James would always innocently ask Charlie where we were, and then our plans went down the drain. Bella reciprocated by locking James in the bathroom, and it took Charlie almost half an hour to notice that he was gone. It was like being back in Kindergarten.

Charlie’s mustache twitched, and then he made me work one end of the bar with him while James and Bella took the other end. Later that night, he went ahead and made me admire him even more when he decided that the bar would be closed the following night. Not because it meant a night off, but because of his reason.

“Sometimes, a man just needs to eat dinner with his family, business be damned,” he said and promptly invited James and me to said dinner. Apparently it was time for Sue to create her magic with the deer we had taken down the previous weekend. Or…the deer that Charlie had taken down.   

Sue and Charlie had invited the newlyweds, too, who had just returned from their honeymoon. Rose spent fifteen minutes thanking me for giving them the trip, and between courses, Bella, Sue, and James fawned all over the pictures Rose showed them.

The dinner solidified Sue’s title as the world’s best cook in my opinion, and after three courses, I could barely move. I had no idea how Charlie didn’t weigh three hundred pounds. When I helped her clean up the kitchen afterward, I told her that it was the best dinner I’d ever had the pleasure of eating. She blushed, and when I tried out the Mom she had insisted that I started using, she gave me a motherly hug. I wasn’t sure I’d ever gotten a motherly hug before, but I really liked it.

Bella had talked me into bringing the videos I had mentioned to her. She brought them up hesitantly when we were having coffee.

“Um, I’m sorry if this makes some of you uncomfortable, but Edward has some old videos that he made with Jake,” she said, looking around at her friends and family while squeezing my hand tightly. “I was hoping we could watch them together. I mean, if you want.”

I was looking at Sue and Charlie while Bella talked to gauge their reaction.

“Please,” Sue breathed, her eyes already shining with unshed tears. Charlie just nodded and swallowed hard.

Rose and Emmett were both nodding eagerly, too.

“Can I watch, too, even though I didn’t know your Jake?” James asked in a small voice.

“Stop being silly, boy,” Sue told him after clearing her throat. “You’re family, aren’t you?”  

When we sat down around the TV, I suddenly had a bad feeling about showing everyone the tapes without having looked at them first myself. I couldn’t remember half of what was on them, and, more than once, alcohol had been involved. Had we taped something that wasn’t for the virginal eyes of parents?

Bella eagerly popped one of the tapes into the camcorder hooked up to the TV and sat down next to me. A collective gasp rang out in the living room when Jake’s face appeared on the screen.

“Yo, Rusty! Is this thing on or what? Fucking hell, I feel like I need a college degree to operate it. Why couldn’t you have gotten one with less buttons?” he asked while zooming in and out and pointing the camera in a million different directions.

A choked laugh escaped Bella, and I tightened my arm around her. The remote control was in front of us on the coffee table, easily accessible for anyone who needed a timeout from the assaulting memories that we were no doubt all victims of. The sound of his voice coupled with the first clear shot of his face had given me the feeling that I was being hit in the gut with a sledge hammer. I remembered the day this had been shot clearly. I had just gotten the camera, and Jake had been dying to try it out. I bit my lip, knowing what came next on the screen.

“You know what?” Jake asked, zooming in on his own nose. “We should call it Bob.”

“Bob?” I asked.

“Yeah. Our new best friend needs a name. We are going to make epic film history, after all,” Jake replied with a laugh.

I snorted. “Dude, cool it with whatever you’ve been inhaling.”

“If I’m gonna inhale anything, it will be my mom’s apple pie. I told you that shit is awesome,” Jake replied. “Now are you done pussying around? We need to get going so we don’t get caught.”

The camera was turned off, and after a few seconds of black screen, the picture returned. This time I was filming, and Jake was flexing his biceps in front of the camera.

“So, Bob, Rusty, and my handsome self would like to welcome you to a workout on the obstacle course with Drill Sergeant Connors – or as we call him – The Devil. Watch and learn, young grasshoppers,” Jake said.

What followed was probably only funny to me because I knew Connors and could see how spot on Jake’s impersonation was. But everyone in the room had their eyes glued to the screen while he goofed around. Next, there were various clips of practical jokes carried out by Jake and myself that had everyone in stitches – especially when they didn’t pan out the way we had planned.

The first video ended, and Bella dried her eyes with the back of her hand before getting up to pop in the other one. Rose was dabbing her eyes with a tissue while Emmett was looking at the blank screen with a faraway look in his eyes. Sue and Charlie were having a conversation with their eyes only, but they didn’t appear too upset. James was sitting on his hands in a chair, rocking back and forth. His eyes were tightly shut, and so was his mouth. He looked…weird.

“Are you okay, James?” I asked.

“I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t, I really, really, really shouldn’t…” he muttered. Then he blew out a breath. “But I have to! I can’t keep it in. He’s so damn fine. Gah! Pictures really don’t do him justice. Sorry!”

I bit the inside of my cheek to avoid laughing. The girls had fawned all over Jake, so that James did, too, was no surprise.

“Shut your mouth, boy,” Charlie said, trying not to laugh.

“Sorry, Papa Swan! You and Mama Swan make beautiful babies,” James replied with a dreamy look in his eyes.

“Hell yeah,” I heard Charlie mutter, and a second later he yelped. I didn’t have to turn around to look to know that Sue was the reason. I loved those two.

Bella came back to sit next to me after having switched tapes. I didn’t remember what was on the remaining tape – only that whatever was on it was probably from Afghanistan. And just as I’d expected, the first thing I saw was a big cloud of goddamn dust with an armored truck riding through the picture.

“All right, Bob. Let’s go for a little walk. Rusty never lets you out, does he?” Jake’s voice rang out. “Colonel Banner said it was okay as long as I didn’t film any army secrets. That’s a joke. What does he expect? That I’ll film how they cook our food and sell the recipes to the enemy so they have a new weapon on their hands? Jeez.”

The little walk consisted of a tour of the camp, complete with introductions of everyone he came across. I swallowed hard when Byrne waved shyly at the camera. Crowley, however, was not so shy. He sauntered up to Jake and smiled the smile he had always claimed got him all the pretty ladies.

“Swan, Swan, Swan,” he said with an exasperated sigh. “Are you overlooking the only attractive thing about this camp on purpose or what?”

“Of course not,” Jake replied. “I just thought I’d save filming myself for last. Now be a nice city boy and say hello to Bob so I can get on with it.”

“Who the hell is Bob?” Crowley wanted to know.

Jake snorted. “Don’t hurt Bob’s feelings. He doesn’t go around asking who Tyler Crowley is, does he? Now say hello, or I’m gonna go find some less rude people to include in my movie.”

It was almost like being back there with them all, and as much as it hurt to watch, it was also cleansing in a way. I had left a big part of who I was over there in the dust, and it was like I was watching that part on Sue and Charlie’s flat screen TV. It was a really surreal feeling.

After Crowley had said his hello and told all the pretty ladies his phone number, Jake ventured on. I watched him sneak up on myself, snatch a canteen from someone outside the picture, and then pour water down my neck. Everyone laughed when my on-screen self jumped up with an embarrassing squeal.

“Fucking hell, Jake!” I said and shook the water out of my hair. Jake laughed as I peeled off my wet t-shirt and threw it at him.

Next to me, Bella’s fingers dug into my arm, and I realized that she was enjoying the show. And judging on the catcalls coming from James’ direction, so was he.

“Hey, watch out for Bob! He’s allergic to water,” Jake said, grinning.

“I think he’s also allergic to being stolen by you,” I grumbled and picked up my t-shirt from the ground.

Jake just grinned – it had been his natural response to most things. Then he made a very sullen version of myself say hello to Bob and everyone back home.

I didn’t remember much of what was happening on the screen, and I had absolutely no idea who I had forced out a smile for and said hello to through the camera. At that point, there had been no one back home I had wanted to say anything to.         

The tour of the camp continued until we got to the tent where the mail was handed out. Jake had been one of the most popular guys when it came to mail, so he always went to check if there was anything for him. After getting the mail guy, whose name I couldn’t remember, to say hello to Bob, he came back out with a package.

“I can practically smell the porn,” he said, sniffing the package and handing me the camera. “Rusty already knows, but you need to know this, Bob. It’s a universal truth – I’ve got the best sister in the world. Though, if you ever meet her, don’t tell her that the porn is for me. She thinks it’s for the other guys.”

“You do know that you’re talking to a piece of plastic, right?” I asked, dryly.

“Shut up,” Jake replied good-naturedly. “Don’t insult Bob.”

I watched everyone in the room while Jake made a big show of opening the package on the screen. Bella was giggling through her tears, and everyone else was smiling. I wasn’t surprised that no one seemed to be surprised about the porn. Jake had been a lot of things, but he was not very subtle or covert. I looked back at the screen.

Jake munched on a cookie as he pulled out a letter from the box. “This is the best thing,” he grinned, cookie crumbs flying everywhere. He stuck the letter in his pocket. “I’m saving this gem for tonight.”

A siren rang out, and people immediately started running to wherever they were supposed to be when it sounded.

“Cut, Bob! We’ve got work to do!” Jake said, grinning.

There was complete silence in the room once Jake had disappeared from the screen. Looking around, everyone seemed to be lost in thought or trying to compose themselves. Sue caught my gaze and sent me a wide, teary smile. Next to me, Bella squeezed my hand.

“Thank you,” she whispered, burying her face in my arm.

They all thanked me, but I didn’t feel like I had anything to do with it. I’d had the videos, but that was it. I didn’t even remember why I had bought the video camera back then, because Jake seemed like the only one who had been interested in actually using it. So I couldn’t take credit for the videos being in my possession – it was all Jake.   

No one had bothered to turn the TV off, and suddenly the screen sprang to life, once again showing Jake.

“Dude, we’re doing this, so just shut up and deal with it,” Jake said, sitting down on a chair in front of the stationary camera.

“But it’s creepy!” I argued somewhere in the background. “And besides, no one will watch it if I do it.”

“What’s this?” Bella asked with her eyes trained on the screen.

I grimaced. I wanted to turn off the TV so badly, but this was exactly what Jake had wanted, and I couldn’t deny him something that I remembered he had been so passionate about doing. I just really, really didn’t want anyone to see my part of it. Ever.

I sighed. “Just watch,” I replied. Jake always got what he wanted – there was no reason to change that now.

“Okay, so here goes,” Jake said semi-seriously, which was as serious as he usually ever got, looking directly into the camera. “If you’re seeing this, then I’m dead. No, wait. Is that too much of a cliché?”

“Probably,” I agreed flatly, still out of sight.

“All right. I’ll try again. This is harder than I thought it would be,” he said, clearing his throat. “Um, hello. Mom, Dad, Bella…I need you to know that whatever happens, I will always love you. Even if I’m not here anymore, I will still love you. Stuff like that doesn’t just stop. I’d like to think that I turned out okay, and that you can be proud of me, but it’s only because of your love and support.

“Rose, Em, Grandpa, Leah, Seth, Uncle Harry, Aunt Claire, I also love you. I once told Rose that I’m over here because someone has to make sure that everyone back home stay safe, and it’s true. I’d do anything to make sure of that. I don’t even care if it ends up killing me. Just…please be proud of me. I love you all of you. And I’m sorry, Mom.”

Clearing his throat, he stood up. “You’re up, Rusty.”

Everyone was crying, and I reached for the remote to turn the TV off. However, Bella stopped me.

“Please don’t,” she said, sniffling.

I didn’t know if it was because she wanted to see if there was more with Jake on the tape or because she wanted to see me make an idiot of myself. But as it was, I couldn’t deny her. She couldn’t ever know that tears in her eyes meant that I’d do anything for her. She’d just start using it against me. I leaned back in the couch with a sigh.

“I really don’t have anything to say,” I insisted.

“Bullshit. Sit your ass down and pour your heart out,” Jake argued and pushed me over to the chair.

I reluctantly sat down, looking everywhere but into the camera.

“Dude, come on!” Jake whined.

“What do you want me to say?” I asked, sullenly. “It’s not like anyone cares if I die. Tell me who I’m supposed to say goodbye to. My dentist? The mail man? Colonel Banner? I told you all about my family. They already consider me dead.”

“Maybe they’ll surprise you,” Jake suggested, cheerily.

“When I’m dead?” I asked with raised eyebrows. “Yeah, see if I care.”

“There has to be someone you’d want to tell something if you weren’t here anymore,” he argued.

I sighed. “All right, all right. There is. But next time you get a stupid idea, you’re on your own. This shit is more painful than getting teeth pulled.”

I turned to face the camera. “If I die, I just want to say thank you to Jake’s saint of a sister for the cookies. They did more for the war effort than most officers over here.”

I turned to Jake. “There. Happy now? I even meant that shit.”

Jake came into the picture and patted my shoulder. “Dude, you’re sad. You don’t even know her.”

I snorted. “I know.”

Jake laughed when he reached out to turn off the camera.

I had never been more embarrassed in my life. If I had remembered that that particular clip was on the tapes, I might just have burned them the moment I had found them. Well, okay, I wouldn’t have. But I would have made sure to delete it before showing anyone. And if there were any deities anywhere, now would be an awesome time for the earth to swallow me whole.

“Awwww, muffin cup! We all love you!” James cried, tackling me – and Bella by default – on the couch.

He clung to me, almost suffocating me, but he did manage to break the awkward tension that had settled in the room while I had shown how pathetic I was on video. I pushed him off me, and he went on to hug everyone else just for the heck of it.

“Yeah, we really do,” Bella said softly.     

At first I didn’t know what she was talking about, but then it registered. The smile spread on my face just as it did on hers, but then James had to go and ruin everything by launching himself at us again and telling us all about how torn he was about who was the prettiest – me or Jake. I needed to go find out where Charlie kept his rifles.

A chance to salvage the ruined moment never presented itself that night. After swapping stories about Jake for an hour, we went home. Bella and I barely made it into her apartment before clothes were flying around us, and after round one against her front door and round two in the bed, sleep was more appealing than talking.

The following morning, Bella hadn’t even woken up yet when Charlie called me while I was making breakfast.

“Morning, son. You got plans today?” he asked.

Yes, Sir. I need to feed your naked daughter breakfast in bed before I figure out how to tell her that I love her.

 “Nope,” I replied.

“Great. I was wondering if you might be interested in accompanying me to Port Angeles? I’m meeting with some suppliers, and the youngsters think they can fool an old man. I could use some backup. Plus, it never hurts to learn more about the business, you know.”

“Sure, I’d love to,” I replied. I wasn’t about to say no if he needed help or turn down the opportunity to learn something that might be handy to know later on. More importantly, I would also never deny him when he offered me more responsibility. Responsibility came with trust.

“I’ll pick you up in half an hour. Thanks, son,” he said before ending the call.

I ate while finishing Bella’s breakfast. Then I woke her up and showered while she ate. She was all for me going with her dad – apparently he and Sue both had a habit of taking on too much, and they weren’t getting any younger. After my shower, I dressed while getting ogled by Bella, who was licking the maple syrup from the pancakes off her fingers. Fucking minx. Then I was ready to go meet Charlie. With a hard on. Thanks, Bella.     

The day was extremely educational, and it soon become obvious that Charlie hadn’t asked me along as backup, but because he wanted to entrust me with more responsibility. He and Sue had spent decades building their business, and now they wanted me to take part in the decision making when it came to suppliers. It was a staggering thought, and I was not about to let them down.

We spent the entire day in Port Angeles, and when we arrived back in Forks, Bella and James had already opened the bar. I ate dinner in the diner with Charlie before going downstairs to see my pretty firecracker and serve some drinks. I had missed her something awful all day. I was in deep.

The night was fairly busy, at least until it neared closing time. Emmett had made an appearance, and when it slowed down, I joined him at end of the bar. Bella was in the office doing paperwork, and James was hitting on a guy at the other end.

“My mom called today to ask when the wedding was,” Emmett told me and emptied his beer.

I frowned and got him another one. “I thought your mom was at the wedding,” I said. “Wasn’t she the one wearing the big hat?”

“Yup, she was there,” he replied with a snort. “She was also completely wasted, which is probably why she doesn’t remember.”

“Shit. That blows. I’m sorry, Em,” I said.

He shrugged. “She’s been like that my whole life – that’s why I always spent so much time at Jake’s house. Sue and Charlie are like the perfect parents. I’d just hoped that for once she’d make an effort, you know?”

“Parents suck, man,” I sympathized. “Mine didn’t even bother to show up when I’d been blown up and was in a coma.”

Emmett shook his head. “My mom put a Mickey Mouse bandage on my wrist when I broke it playing soccer in the fourth grade. And then she gave me a shot of bourbon for the pain. Sue nearly killed her when she found out.”

“We got royally screwed over in the parental department, huh?” I asked.

“And then some,” Emmett agreed.

“Watch your mouths, ungrateful pretty faces,” James interrupted, looking as serious as I’d ever seen him. “You two, well, all three of us actually, have the best parents in the world. Just because a man donated some sperm and a woman popped you out nine months later does not mean they’re your parents. Mama and Papa Swan have taken us all in, and I, for one, know that no one has ever loved me more than they do.”

“That’s true,” Emmett allowed. “You come from sucktastic people, too?”

James nodded and looked down for a moment. “My dad beat the crap out of me when he found out that I was gay, and Mom was too disgusted to care. Mama and Papa Swan just love me anyway. That’s all I need to know.”  

“I’m sorry, dude. Grab a drink. Both of you,” Emmett said. “We’re toasting to awesome parents – the kind who choose to love you instead of the kind who shits on you when they should be loving you.”

I toasted with my new brothers, and we swapped more crappy stories about the people who had produced us.

“What the hell is this?” Bella asked, coming out from the office. “Why are you having a love fest when you should be closing? Emmett, go home. Rose was expecting you an hour ago. And those of you expecting to get paid for tonight need to get their asses in gear and clean this place up.”

Emmett whistled and put down his glass. “I know I’m a man and therefore responsible for all the bad stuff in the world, but it was God who decided that women should be on the rag every month. Be mad at him.”

Bella glared at him. “I can – and will – ban you from the bar for the next decade if you don’t go home right now. I’m tired, it’s twenty minutes past closing time, and I am not on the fucking rag.”

Emmett chortled, always excited for a chance to rile someone up. I grabbed the broom and handed it to James, pleading him with my eyes not to make things worse in his usual way. He pouted, but started sweeping the floor. Then I went over to Bella and put my arms around her.

“Goodnight, Emmett,” I said diplomatically.

That just made him laugh harder. “Dude, you’re whipped.”

“And you should be, too, considering you have a beautiful, new wife waiting for you at home,” I shot back.

“All right, all right. I’m not actually afraid of your angry kitten, but I am terrified of my own lioness at home. I’m going. Goodnight,” he called out and left, still chuckling.

“Go on upstairs if you’re tired, love,” I said to Bella and kissed the side of her neck. “James and I will finish up here and lock up.”

She sighed. “I’m just exhausted, and then I get cranky. I even fell asleep at the desk while doing paperwork.”

“I’ll try my best not to keep you up tonight,” I told her.

“Well, I’m not that tired,” she said, giggling.

I attempted to give her a hickey on the neck, but she skillfully maneuvered around in my arms using her firecracker tricks. Standing on her toes, she kissed me like a woman who was not tired at all. Of course, then James went and ruined everything by hitting me in the back of my knees with the broom so I accidentally bit down too hard on Bella’s bottom lip. She pulled back, wincing.

“Shit, I’m sorry, baby,” I apologized and grabbed the broom from James so I could hit him with it, too.

“I hate men,” Bella grumbled. “Well, some men. You guys finish up here. I’m going to bed. And if this place isn’t sparkling tomorrow morning, I’ll castrate the first person I see who has a dick.”

“What the ever-loving fuck crawled up your little behind and died a tragic death?” James asked bravely, but half-hidden behind me.

I shook my head and stepped to the side. If he wanted to die, then I wasn’t standing in the line of fire. Dude was on his own. I started picking up the dirty glasses from the bar. Had it been anyone else, I would have defended my pretty firecracker, but she was much better at handling James than I was.

Bella didn’t explode like I had expected, though. Instead she sighed. “I’m exhausted, and I just want to sleep. And I’m annoyed because I would have been doing that right now if you hadn’t…ugh. Ignore me. I’m sorry for being a bitch. I just need sleep. Goodnight.”

James looked at me with a frown, but I couldn’t do anything except shrug my shoulders. I had no idea what was wrong, although I did have a couple of theories. Maybe the videos from the other night had affected her more than she wanted to admit – or even more than she realized. Also, something that was bound to mess with all of us was the fact that Jake’s birthday was coming up soon.

I quickly finished cleaning up and was pleased to see James do the same. I let him lock up and hurried upstairs. Although it wasn’t safe, I hoped that Bella had left her door unlocked. I didn’t want her to be alone, although I was also conscious of the fact that maybe she really did just need sleep and a little space. She meant everything to me, but there were still a lot that I didn’t know about her.   

Her door was locked, though. I knocked softly, but not loud enough to wake her up if she was already sleeping. There was no answer, and I leaned my forehead against the door in frustration. Was there a How to be a Good Boyfriend 101 class somewhere that I could take?

James returned upstairs while I was debating with myself what to do, and he had no sympathy for me.

“If you hadn’t been so insistent about installing those damn deadbolts, I would have been able to pick the lock for you. But now you’re on your own, Prince Charming,” he said. “And how is Prince Charming going to wake up the Indian princess with a kiss if he can’t get into the tower, huh?”

“Goodnight, court jester,” I said, sighing. I hated the fact that he was actually right. And then I hated the fact that I was even considering of breaking into my girlfriend’s apartment. That was probably not part of the How to be a Good Boyfriend 101 class.

James snickered and went into his own apartment. Finally agreeing with myself that waking Bella up was a bad idea, I also went into my own place. I would get up early and make her breakfast instead. Hopefully, I could get a better idea if something was bothering her.

Only stopping to empty my pockets, I went directly to the bedroom. I needed sleep, too. However, when I turned on the lights, I was surprised to see Bella fast asleep in my bed. She was wearing one of my t-shirts and hugging my pillow. At that moment, I knew that I was just fucking done for. The pretty firecracker owned my heart, and she could blow it up whenever she pleased.

It didn’t take long to brush my teeth, shed my clothes, and crawl under the covers. When I pulled her close, she opened her eyes.

“I took a chance and assumed that bitches were allowed in your bed,” she said and buried her face in the crook of my neck.

I chuckled. “No bitches – only firecrackers.”

She sighed. “Good.”

“Bella?” I asked, nervously.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

I didn’t know if I had ever said those words out loud to anyone before, but if I had, I couldn’t remember. I hadn’t been raised in a family where that kind of stuff was ever expressed verbally – and when it mattered, not in actions, either. No one had ever made me feel even a fraction of what Bella made me feel.

She kissed my neck before leaning her head back so she could look at my face. I was surprised to see a tear in the corner of her eye.

“I love you more.”

I shook my head, chuckling. “Impossible.”

“Wanna bet?” she challenged me with a grin. She sat up and straddled me. “I’m suddenly not so tired anymore. What about you?”