Chapter 23

Jake would have turned twenty-seven on New Years Eve. He’d always used to say that the whole world was celebrating his birthday with champagne and fireworks. Charlie’s birthday was the first day of the new year, and most years father and son had had a joint celebration. That much I remembered Jake telling me. This year, however, it was all very up in the air what would be happening.

Bella had told me that her parents were debating whether or not closing down the bar was a good idea. Apparently, it was quite the meeting place on New Years Eve, but James was the only one who didn’t have any feelings caught up in that particular day, and he couldn’t run the bar alone. I was pretty sure that I could work since I had no memories of Jake at the bar, but it tore at me having to be without Bella that night.

In the end, Sue and Charlie sat Bella, James, and I down and asked us for our opinion.

“The selfish part of me says to shut the bar down and cry on the couch with a large tub of ice cream,” Bella said, squeezing my hand under the table. “But the part of me that is, above all, Jake’s sister says to party like he would have wanted it.”

“Thank you, dear,” Sue said with a tired smile. “That’s exactly as far as your dad and I have gotten. What we would like versus what Jake would have liked.”

“Why the doubts, then?” James asked, unnaturally subdued. “I’m sorry if I’m butting into something that isn’t my business, but you did ask me to sit down with your lovely selves.”

“He’s right, Charlie,” Sue said, looking at her tired-looking husband. She looked back at James. “And your input is as important as everyone else’s, James.”

“Edward, what do you think?” Charlie asked me.

I took a deep breath. “I think it will be harder to get through a difficult and emotional night than it will be to live with the feeling that we somehow let Jake down or went against what he would have wanted. However, when that’s said, I think the decision of being there that night or not should be a personal one. You can count on me working if you decide to open the bar.”

“Sue, sweetheart, I fear that your days as the voice of reason are numbered,” Charlie said, fighting a laugh.

Sue reached across the table and put her hand on my arm. “Well said, dear. I’ll be there, too.”

I saw Bella and Charlie exchange a look, and then they nodded.

“I’ll bring the cake, Dad,” she said. Turning to look at me, she explained,” We always have cake at midnight to celebrate both birthdays. Jake and Dad took turns deciding on which cake we’d have.”

“And this year it was my turn, so I’m picking Jake’s favorite,” Charlie said decidedly.

“Chocolate mud cake,” Bella and Sue said together.

“With green sprinkles,” Charlie added with a choked laugh. “Don’t forget the green sprinkles. Remember when he was five and got multi-colored sprinkles on his cake?”

Sue nodded and cleared her throat. “He cried and refused to eat anything before I’d scraped them off and gone to the store to replace them with green ones.”

A few laughs, and then silence hung in the air while we all dipped into the pool of Jake memories we had. Well, except James, but as obnoxious as he sometimes were, he was really good at respecting the need we all had to remember and talk about Jake. It was almost hard to believe the great difficulties I’d had talking about my late best friend when I had first arrived in Forks – it seemed so long ago now. It had become much easier, and even slightly therapeutic, to talk about him. Keeping his memory alive meant that he wasn’t truly gone.    

On the last morning of the year, I might as well have gone down to do inventory, because I was truly and utterly in the doghouse. Bella and her parents had gone to the cemetery, and I did not become popular with my wife and mother-in-law when I didn’t go with them.

Perhaps it was silly at that point that I still hadn’t been back to visit Jake’s grave, but there was just something inside of me that resisted. Charlie seemed to understand, even if I couldn’t really explain why I didn’t feel ready to go. Instead I grabbed the key Charlie had given me and went down to the bar. I made myself a Dust Remover and sat down on the other side of the counter while I messed with the remote for the built-in sound system. I couldn’t think of one particular song that reminded me of Jake, but I searched until I found something happy. I didn’t know the song, but the lyrics were about the sun. And like Emmett had said the first time I met him – Jake had been a sunshiny brat.

“Can you make one of those without alcohol?”

I turned to see Bella strolling up to the counter. I didn’t know how long I had been sitting at the bar sipping my mid-morning drink, but it appeared I had completely lost track of time. Her cheeks were red from the cold, and I searched her eyes for any traces of tears. There weren’t any. She looked oddly at peace.

“I doubt it,” I replied. “But I can get you some orange juice.”  

She shrugged. “I suppose that will have to do.”

I got up, kissed her cold lips as I passed her, and went to get her something to drink. When I put the juice down in front of her, I was rewarded with a beautiful firecracker smile.

She took a sip and shed her jacket before looking at me again. “I’m sorry I didn’t make much of an effort earlier to try to understand. Dad made Mom and me see that we were being unfair.”

“I think we’re all a little on edge today,” I said.

Turning in my seat, I pulled her stool closer to mine. The action made her smile, and she grabbed my hand.

“I can’t wait till BC gets old enough to hear about his or her Uncle Jake,” she said, smiling softly as our joined hands came to rest on her stomach.

“And we really need to tell lots and lots of stories about Uncle Jake, or else poor BC will be traumatized by only having Uncle James around,” I said.

Bella giggled. “Auntie James, but yes, you’re right. Thankfully we have Emmett, too, though.”

“Auntie Emmett?” I asked with a laugh. 

“Probably not if we want to live,” she replied with a snort.

“Well, as long as there’ll be no Auntie Alice, it will be fine,” I said. “Talk about ruining a kid…”

“I’d rather ruin her for being a bitch to you,” Bella grumbled.

“Down, kitty,” I said, chuckling. “Though, if you ever do meet her, rest assured that you can take her down with one hand tied behind your back and pouring a Martini with the other.”

“Good to know,” she said with a nod. “Now, are you going to continue drinking before noon or are you going to keep me company while I make a cake for tonight?”

“Done drinking,” I replied, standing up to clear away the glasses.

Back upstairs in our apartment, I watched Bella while she made the cake Charlie had chosen. When it was in the oven, I got the important task of going to the grocery store to get green sprinkles for it. Jake had been extremely laid back, but had taken his food very, very seriously. Everything had had to be exactly right – preferably tasting like his mom’s cooking. If it wasn’t, he either hadn’t eaten it or just drowned it in ketchup.

Returning home with the sprinkles, I was almost man enough to admit that when Bella sprinkled them onto the cake, I got a little teary-eyed. Green sprinkles of all things…

Half the town – or maybe it was the whole town – showed up at Downstairs to see in the New Year. At first the mood was a little subdued as it seemed that Jake hadn’t been kidding when he had told me that everyone in Forks always celebrated his birthday. After a few drinks, however, everyone loosened up. To my surprise, it wasn’t a difficult night. Sue and Charlie both worked with Bella, James, Leah, and myself. It was a little crowded behind the bar, but every available hand was needed.

A booth in a corner had been claimed by Billy, Harry, Claire, and Seth. Soon they were joined by Rose, Emmett, Jessica, and Mike, who made sure that no one sat around brooding. From what I heard when I passed by the table once in a while, embarrassing stories were shared with great enthusiasm, and no one was safe from being laughed at.

When it neared midnight, Charlie told us to fill the counter with champagne glasses so the bar guests could help themselves. My father-in-law was a generous bar owner. Then we joined the others in their booth and had cake and champagne. We all had to swallow an extra time as we toasted to Jake, but then it was midnight and time to celebrate Charlie.

For the first time ever, I got a kiss at midnight, and I finally understood what all the fuss was about. Maybe we’d have to make it a daily tradition with kisses at midnight. Well, when Bella hadn’t passed out before then, of course. All the noise from the bar disappeared when I looked into my pretty wife’s eyes, and I couldn’t help but think about the past year and everything it brought me as well as taken away.

And what a year it had been. It had been the worst and the best and everything in between. I hoped the New Year had less of the bad and more of the good – being surrounded by my family and friends definitely meant that it was off to a good start. A year ago I had been in the desert, often feeling like the loneliest man in the world even when I was surrounded by my men. The contrast to now was staggering, especially considering everything that had happened between then and now.

I looked at Bella and smiled. The old year had brought me her, and for that I could never be anything but grateful. The New Year would bring us BC, which would be so amazing that I didn’t have the words for it – even in my mind. A tiny little firecracker of our own. I’d be in so much trouble.

Shit. Babies cried an awful lot. What if I was as allergic to BC’s tears as his mom’s? I was so screwed.

Wisely deciding never to tell Bella about how her tears freaked me out to an extent that she could make me do anything when she cried, I focused on what was happening around me.

Charlie was opening presents and not doing a very good job of pretending like he wasn’t as excited as a little boy. Harry gave him the recipe for firewater so he could sell it in the bar, and James gave him something in a pink gift bag that made him blush and quickly it tuck away under the table.

I had talked Bella into continuing my travel gift theme. We had gotten him and Sue a trip to any European destination they preferred. Bella had claimed it was too expensive, but I had told her about the money I had from the Army and from my grandfather. And when I’d asked her if she could think of something better to spend it on than making the people we loved happy, she had sighed and told me that I didn’t fight fair. Maybe that was correct, but in my defense, I had never claimed that I did.

I might have smirked at my wife when Charlie opened our gift and declared it the best ever, much to James’ disappointment. He even gave Sue permission to choose the destination, which made her hug him, Bella, and me until we nearly choked.

***

A few days later, I was ogling my wife at the bar while I was supposed to be working. It happened a lot, and half the time someone caught me – often Bella herself. Despite of that, I continued doing it. It was her fault, though – she was so goddamn beautiful, and any man would have done the same. Naturally, I would beat them to a pulp if they tried – or Bella would. She was fierce. But as far as I was concerned, ogling should be part of the marriage vows. I will ogle you till the day I die. Or turn blind.

Then James had to do what he did best – interrupt my ogling. He whistled as he passed me with some empty bottles. “DILF alert at nine o’clock. Here, take these, lamb chop, so I can serve and please him.”

I rolled my eyes and took the bottles before he dropped them on the floor in his eagerness to flirt. He strutted over to the end of the bar closest to the entrance while I played errand boy and put the bottles away. Bella sent me a smile after she’d served Renee a Martini and was on her way over to me until another customer demanded her attention. Damn customers. I went to get another case for the empty bottles since the one under the bar was full. When I came back, I heard a voice across the room that made me freeze.

“Edward.”

I looked up and met the cold, hard eyes of a man who didn’t look the least bit happy to see his son for the first time in eight years.

“Dad.”

He studied me with an unreadable look on his face, and I channeled the stone-faced soldier I’d once been as I tried not to squirm. What the hell was he doing here?

“Really, Edward? A bartender? Couldn’t get a job sweeping trash of the street? I thought we’d raised you better,” he started the rant that I should have been expecting, but somehow it still took me by surprise. “And what on God’s green earth are you doing in this hole in the ground town?”

“Follow me,” I said through gritted teeth, leading the way out back to the office. No fucking way was he embarrassing me any further in front of people who I served drinks to on a regular basis. Or even worse – in front of my wife.

“How dare you insult me like that when I’m working – and in front of customers and the people I work with?” I asked angrily the moment the door was closed behind us. “You don’t even know me anymore.”

“Of course I know you, Edward. You obviously haven’t changed since you’re still determined to throw away your life with useless jobs,” he replied and glanced around the room, barely avoiding wrinkling his nose although there was absolutely nothing wrong with the office. It was tastefully decorated, clean, and my stupid excuse of a father just showed that he was the world’s biggest snob.

“You don’t know anything about me,” I told him.   

“Was it too much to ask that you called to let us know that you were out of the Army so we could stop worrying about you wasting your life overseas?” he asked, ignoring what I’d said and narrowing his eyes. “Your mother’s nerves have been frazzled.”

“Frazzled?” I asked in disbelief. “Excuse me, but if her nerves were frazzled or if you had worried about me at all, you could have come to see me when I was in the hospital. Then you’d know that I was out of the Army! I’m surprised they didn’t tell you when you called to spy on me. That was really charming, by the way – about as charming as Alice visiting, but not wanting to see me. Who needs enemies in Afghanistan with a family like you guys?”

“You ungrateful little…!” he seethed and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was something I had used to do, as well, but I had made an effort to ditch the habit once I’d realized where I’d picked it up.

“I wouldn’t have called if we hadn’t been worried,” he said in a calmer tone.

“Calling behind my back suggests that you were curious, not worried,” I replied, bitterly.

“You were the one who thought it wise to join the Army and go risk your life in another country,” he pointed out.

“That’s right,” I said, straightening my back and raising my chin slightly. “And I never regretted it for a second. I’d still be in the Army if I could.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

I snorted and turned my back to him. “It means that it’s none of your business.”  

He was quiet for a moment while he studied me again.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“Well, you weren’t going to take the first step to reconcile with your family,” he answered.

“You all but threw me out when I was eighteen and ignored me when I was badly wounded and in a coma! Why the hell would I want to reconcile with you?”

“You made a foolish decision,” he said calmly. “We couldn’t just clap our hands and smile.”

“No one expected you to. But you could have supported me – been proud of me. Everyone else’s families were,” I said, trying to keep my voice from catching when I thought about what it was like seeing the others in my squad get letters and encouragement from home.

“You obviously needed no encouragement,” he said, snorting.

“Unbelievable,” I said, shaking my head. “There’s nothing for you here. Nothing at all. You can go back home now and live your perfect life without having to worry or have frazzled nerves about your black sheep son. Goodbye.”

He almost took me on my word, but when he reached the door, he changed his mind and looked back at me. “Last chance, Edward. You can come with me. It’s not too late to go to college and get a degree, which I’ll pay for if you choose medicine or law. I’m sure we’ll all forgive you if you apologize. There’s obviously nothing for you here.”

A bomb could have gone off, and I wouldn’t have been more shocked. Was he for real? I wanted to kick his ass, scream at him…yet in the end I just sighed. “Like I said – you don’t know anything about me. I’d rather go drown myself in the river than go anywhere with you, I have absolutely nothing to apologize for, and my whole life and everything that matters to me is here.”

He huffed. “What? You’ve found some cheap waitress who knows about your inheritance from your grandfather? Please. You’ve disappointed everyone enough without falling into that trap.”

I saw red, but forced myself not to raise my voice too much or the entire bar might hear. “Like Mom trapped you? Because if I remember correctly, then she was a waitress when you two met. Yeah, it’s hard to believe that you’d look at someone who wasn’t a debutante, huh?”

“Do not disrespect your mother!” my dad thundered.

“Do not disrespect my wife!”

“Your wife?” he scoffed. “Are you seriously trying to disgrace your family in every way possible?”    

“Don’t say another word,” I warned him. “You don’t have the right. Bella didn’t even know me when I was in Afghanistan, but she was the one who kept me sane. And my family is right here in Forks – not in Seattle – and they would never think that I was a disgrace for doing what I thought was right.”

He pressed his lips together in a thin line before he said anything. “Some people are easily satisfied. That doesn’t mean that we all need to be.”

I clenched my hands at my sides. “That’s true, and for a long time I was satisfied with a miserable excuse for a family. Luckily I upgraded, and now I’m happier than ever.”

There was a knock on the door, and James breezed in. I didn’t know what he wanted, but I didn’t mind the interruption. My dad had the advantage on me since he’d had a chance to plan what he wanted to say. Surprise attacks were tactical advantages even at the best of times, and I had never in a million years expected him to show up, thus not ever having thought about what I wanted to say to him.

“Papa Swan says it’s time to take out the trash,” James said, cheerfully, and grabbed my dad’s arm. He dragged my surprised father a few steps toward the door. “I can’t believe that I served you a drink. I should just have karate chopped you instead. And I’m allowed to say this. Papa Swan said so.”

My dad pulled his arm away from James. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

James narrowed his eyes and put his hands on his hips. “That’s none of your business. It’s not like you introduced yourself to me, Mr. Crappy Dad.”

“I think the real question is who the hell do you think you are?” Charlie asked from the door. “I don’t appreciate how you’re treating my family, and I’d like you to leave my bar. If I ever see you around here again, I’ll introduce you to either the sheriff or my hunting rifle, depending on my mood. James and I will show you the door since you seem to have a hard time remembering where it is.”

Under loud protests from my dad, Charlie and James escorted him out. I took a deep breath and wondered which deity to pray to for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. There were so many emotions running through me right then, and one of them was embarrassment. Another was anger. Most of them just blended together and made me incredibly exhausted. I attempted to gather my thoughts, but it was impossible. I needed more time, and right then I didn’t have any at all since I was at work. I just hoped that the whole bar hadn’t heard what had happened in the office.

Charlie and James had returned to work, but there was no sign of Bella when I came back out.

“Thank you,” I said to Charlie and James. “I really appreciated your...help.”

Charlie nodded. “Are you okay, son?”

I rubbed my temples and shrugged. “I’m not really sure. Where is Bella?”

“She went out to get some fresh air,” James replied.

“Why don’t you go out and find her?” Charlie suggested. “And when you do, you two take the rest of the night off. James and I can handle this.”

“Thank you,” I repeated, not in the mood to fight him. I just wanted my wife, and then maybe the urge to start bawling would go away.

I trudged up the stairs. Before I reached the top, I heard Bella’s voice ring out.

“You know, I almost feel sorry for you,” she said in a tone that bordered on scornful. “You have the most amazing son in the world, and you don’t even realize or appreciate it. Edward is so loyal, brave, loving, and smart. He loves with his whole heart, and around here we’re clever enough to love him back the same way – the way that you and the rest of your miserable excuse of a family don’t, but the way that he deserves.”

“Listen, young lady, I don-” I heard my dad say as I stood frozen on the stairs.

“No, you listen!” Bella interrupted, angrily. “How can you even live with yourself? He was seriously wounded, in a coma, and fighting for his life, and you couldn’t get past your ridiculous pride and go and see him? The thought makes me sick. By doing that, and by not supporting him when he made the bravest decision of all, you’re defiling the memories of the sacrifices made by our troops. You’re laughing in the faces of every soldier who comes back hurt from Iraq and Afghanistan, and you’re dancing a jig on the very graves of those who gave their lives over there. You’re mocking Edward’s friends. You’re belittling my brother’s life! You should be ashamed of yourself, and I hope that you and your heartless wife and bratty little daughter rot in hell!”  

“Yes, he’s really brave,” my dad sneered. “That’s why he has a woman fighting his battles.”

“He fought for all of us in Iraq and Afghanistan,” she replied, and I could hear her voice catching. It made me unfreeze and hurry up the last stairs while she continued. “It’s about time someone fought for him, don’t you think? That’s what real families do, after all – fight for each other. Love each other. Support each other. You should go catch up on the subject and leave Edward alone since you’re not worthy of him anyway.”

My dad was about to say something, but when he saw me rounding the corner, he closed his mouth.

“I think enough people have asked you to leave now. There’s nothing for you here,” I said to my dad.

He muttered something about ignorance, but left without anymore trouble. He still drove his black Mercedes, and once he was out on the road, he hit the gas and sped out of my line of vision. I was pretty sure that I had seen my father for the last time.

Once again, I felt like I couldn’t contain everything that I was feeling inside. If they’d been there, red warning signs would have been flashing to warn everyone that something was about to explode. My heart knew what mattered most, but my mind couldn’t decide whether to focus on my old family’s lack of love or the total opposite from my new family. It was devastation, gratefulness, sorrow, love, anger, and several other feelings I hadn’t yet identified that created the bomb threatening to go off inside. And I knew nothing about defusing bombs.

I felt Bella squeeze my hand. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head. I didn’t know what I was at that moment, but “okay” didn’t sound right. I let my hand slide out of her grip and ran both my hands through my hair. It was freezing out, and I registered two things at the same time – the cold helped me calm down, and even if I hadn’t been as smart, Bella was fortunately wearing a sweater.

It rapidly got darker as I stood staring at nothing and all and attempted to weed through my feelings. I felt…I felt…overwhelmed. The anger and sorrow was fading, mostly because I knew that I should have expected bad instead of good from my dad. He had just caught me off guard because I hadn’t expected him at all. Left was disappointment that he couldn’t share my happiness, but clearest of all was the way Charlie, James, and especially Bella had stood up for me.

My chest hurt, overflowing with love for the woman who had promised me forever. I took a deep breath and looked at her. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears that reflected the streetlight above us. Shit. Not the tears.

I drew her into my arms and buried my nose in her hair. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to push you away. I’m just…my thoughts…they don’t make a lot of sense right now.”

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Hormones,” she muttered.

“Come on, let’s go upstairs. Your dad said we could take the rest of the night off,” I said and took her hand.

She followed me silently, and I felt terrible. It hadn’t been my intention to shut her out, but I couldn’t explain something to her that I couldn’t even explain to myself. When we got upstairs and I had shut the door behind us, I let her take off her sweater before I pulled her with me to the couch. When she was seated on my lap, trying not to sniffle, I hugged her as close as I dared.

“I really am sorry, Bella. The way you just defended me…if only I could explain how it makes me feel.”

“I didn’t mean to overstep,” she said softly and sighed. “He’s just…hearing about him and hearing him are two very different things. He’s a horrible asshole, and I can’t understand how you’re related to him.”

“You didn’t overstep. You stood up for me like no one ever has before,” I told her, cradling her cheek. “I love you so fucking much.”

She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against mine. “I love you, too. More than anything.”

I knew that. It had been in every single word she had said to my dad earlier. I kissed her pretty lips.

“I’m just sorry that BC won’t have two sets of grandparents spoiling him,” I said. “I wish I could give him that, but I can’t. And I’m sorry that my dad doesn’t have it in him to treat you like Charlie treats me.”

“Screw them,” she said. “They’re not worth it. Mom and Dad are up for the job of spoiling their grandchild double. Hell, triple if they had to. And I know those people gave life to you and raised you, but you have a family who loves you right here. You will always have BC and me, and we love you more than anyone ever could.”

She pulled back and looked solemnly at me. She was so goddamn pretty, and I was relieved that the tears were gone. “You do know that I’ll do anything to make you happy, right?” she asked. 

I smiled at her as my heart threatened to explode. “I am the happiest man in the world, baby. There’s no way my dad or anyone else can change that.”

She hummed in agreement and snuggled closer. I pulled up a blanket around us and relaxed back into the couch. And when Bella fell asleep a few minutes later, I allowed my thoughts to fly and my mind to process what had happened. I was exhausted, but I needed to go over everything again in my mind. The one thing I concluded before I fell asleep, too, was that I needed another tattoo. A swan to symbolize my family.