Absolutely Screwed

I blinked, trying to adjust my eyes to the blackness. In every direction I turned, there was nothing. I wanted to run, scream, and leave that awful place, but I wasn’t sure which way to go. The absence of light made it impossible to see where I was.

The sensation of someone standing behind me crept up my spine. Two strong arms grabbed me from behind, holding me in a vice grip against a hot, muscular chest. I could feel his scalding breath against my neck and knew there was no use in fighting—it would only lead to pain.


“Thought you could get away from me, didn’t you?” he asked, the smug tone in his voice making me shake. He’d come for me, just like he had promised. Tears ran down my cheeks, because I knew I wasn’t making it out of the situation alive.

A loud noise ripped me from sleep, causing me to sit up quickly. For a moment, I thought I was back in that horrible place. A quick look around told me I was in my childhood bedroom, and I was out of harm’s way.

Son of a fucking whore

Those dreams were going to be the death of me—I was sure of it. Ever since I’d moved back to Forks, they’d haunted me. It was always the same, and I always came out of them disoriented. I rubbed my face, willing the images to dissipate. Hopping out of bed, I tried to begin my day. I wasn’t going to let the asshole get to me, because I was safe.

Thirty minutes later, I walked into my parents’ kitchen. My mother had already set up the table, and there was enough food to feed everyone and then some. Eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, sausage…you name it…it was probably on the table. I had never quite understood Mom’s obsession with cooking tons of food when she was home. It seemed kind of silly, because she cooked for a living at the diner. She and my cousin, Leah, ran the kitchen, and she knew that if we were hungry, we’d just eat there. I shook my head and let it go. My mom was weird…end of story.

I sat opposite my father, picked up a plate, and began piling food on it. A grunt caused me to look up, and I set my plate down. Dad was looking at me expectantly, raising his eyebrow. Fuck, he knew. Who told him I almost ran off pretty boy the previous night?

“So, how did things go last night with Edward?” he asked, raising his eyebrow. I tried to decipher his mood, but it was impossible. My father had the uncanny ability to mask what he was really feeling. That little trick had aided in Jake and I spilling our guts to him many times when we were kids. I had to tread carefully just in case he didn’t know anything, trying to get me to confess.

“Um, it was fine. Edward broke a few glasses and dropped a few bottles a couple of times, but he’s a fast learner. He’s a hard worker, too. James said he pretty much found things to do without being told after we closed.”

I was really hoping my dad would latch onto that little fact, because he was big on hard work. He’d gutted the diner and bar himself, with help from family and friends, and built up his customer base one person at a time. He was proud of all he’d accomplished and had a lot of respect for others who took pride in their work.

“Eh, he’ll get the hang of it. I’m sure,” he said with a smile.

I shook my head in amusement, finding it funny that he’d taken such a liking to the stranger. I reasoned it was probably Edward’s military service that had warmed Dad’s heart. My father was proud of his time in the Army, and it was probably why he had supported Jake’s enlistment. Mom, well, she had freaked out, because she didn’t want her baby boy fighting a war in a foreign land. Dad had stood by his son’s decision, and eventually, my mother had come around. She saw the pride on her husband’s face, and the joy Jake seemed to have for pleasing his father, making it hard for her to continue to be upset. Mom had become one of his biggest supporters by the time he’d finished basic training and headed to Iraq for the first time.

It had been her idea to make treats for the soldiers and send a box to each one in his squad. I loved the idea and was enthusiastic about it, because it was one way I could show him how proud Iwas. So I had baked my little heart out, creating all kinds of cookies for his men. Sometimes, he would request certain cookies for certain soldiers, claiming they were their favorite. I had filled his requests without complaint, because Jake was my hero and any person he was willing to ask on behalf of got special treatment.

Rose had sometimes helped with the baking, saying she wanted to brighten a soldier’s day, too. She had known how hard it had been on Emmett when he had gotten rejected, but was proud of Jake at the same time when he was accepted. My brother had shrugged it off and told him that he’d have enough fun for the both of them. Jake’s attitude had been the reason she helped me, honoring him in the only way she could.

The letters, though, were the things I treasured the most. His words on paper about his life in a faraway land, fighting an enemy that hated his guts, helped me feel like I was there with him. I tried to be as descriptive as possible when I talked about the boring things going on in our stupid little town. I even sent him Playboys and Hustlers when he asked me to send them for a friend. When I read that letter, I think I almost peed myself in laughter. I had been around enough males in my life to know they were for him and not the pretend friend he claimed.

I had sent them without question and pretended they weren’t for Jake. It had been the least I could do, because it was the only thing he’d asked for that wasn’t for anyone else. I had even pushed down my discomfort when the salesman eyed me with lust when I’d bought them. A small price to pay for something that will make my brother happy, I had thought. Ew, though.

“Bella!” Charlie hollered, snapping his fingers in my face.

“Wh…what?” I stuttered, embarrassed I’d been caught not paying attention. I waited for his usual comments about me being a space cadet.

“I asked if you were planning on moving to your apartment above the diner,” he said in a huff.

“Uh, yeah. I thought I’d go this week. You and Mom don’t need me anymore,” I answered, blinking while trying to clear the fog in my head.

“We didn’t need you to stay at all, but it was nice to have you here all the same,” he confessed with a smile.

“Well, I know we needed to help each other heal. Honestly, though, I kind of needed the closeness as well.”

We avoided talking about the reason I’d moved back to Forks a year earlier.

“I wanted to know, because I was thinking about offering the third apartment to Edward. Lord knows where he’s been sleeping.” he stared down at his plate, avoiding eye contact.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” I countered, my voice rising with each word. “I mean, we really know nothing about him. He could be an axe murderer or something.”

“Now, Bells, knock it off. You’d be surprised. If you actually got to know him, you might find out just what an honorable man he is,” my dad chastised in his father voice.

Well, fuck. Charlie had pretty much decided already, convinced Edward wasn’t dangerous. Any attempt on my part to argue my case was going to make me look like a whiney bitch. I figured it would be a good idea to shut up and suck it up. Besides, since James lived there, too, maybe I could send him over to Edward’s door wearing only a pink, frilly apron to ask for a cup of sugar for my own amusement.

“Fine, whatever. It’s just...you know that was supposed to be Jake’s place when he got out,” I whispered.

His eyes softened, and he looked at me with understanding.

“I know,” he said, nodding his head. “However, I really don’t think your brother would mind if Edward lived there. I have a good feeling about that.”

His cryptic words gave me pause, thinking there was more that he wasn’t sharing. Dad’s whole attitude about Edward those days didn’t make much sense. I didn’t have time to worry about his comment, or my thoughts about the situation, though. I had to be at the dress shop in an hour to help Rose pick out a wedding dress. We’d been all over Port Angeles, and there was one shop left we hadn’t tackled. It wasn’t that she was a bridezilla that couldn’t find the perfect dress, but rather, she couldn’t find one that didn’t make her feel like her whole body was on display.

I shook my head at Charlie and began shoveling food into my mouth. It would be bad if I was late, because Rose would think I wasn’t coming. Seeing the conversation was over for the moment, Charlie picked up his fork and started to eat.

~.~.~.~

“Rose, come on. You have a nice ass,” I whined, stomping my foot and throwing my arms up.

We were standing in the middle of the dress shop, and she was wearing an amazing gown. The problem with that particular dress was it made her butt look big. I was beginning to lose my patience, because I had sacrificed my morning to help her out, and she was making things difficult.

“I don’t think I can wear it because it’s so tight,” she said, looking down at the dress.

I took another look at the dress she was wearing. The bodice was tight and strapless, clinging to her all the way down to her thighs. The skirt flared out a bit and pooled at her feet. I figured the tightness of the gown was the least of her worries, focusing on the length instead. Knowing her penchant for falling, I decided to look through the rack again.

I stood up from my chair and walked over to the line of dresses, searching for a dress worthy of my best friend. When I was ready to give up and admit defeat, the most perfect dress was staring back at me. I pulled it out and turned to Rose, placing it against my body for her to inspect. Her eyes lit up, and she went to the back room to try it on.

She was a vision in white when she finally emerged from the dressing room. It was sleeveless with lace covering the entire dress, hitting mid calf. Rose had a blinding smile on her face, and I knew it was the one. Triumphant, she turned to the sales lady and told her that was the dress.

As the woman began measuring and marking it for alterations, I decided to bring up my confusing feelings regarding the stranger my father had hired and was beginning to take under his wing.

“So, Dad offered the stalker a job at the bar,” I said nonchalantly and gave her a sideways look.

“No, he didn’t,” she said with a gasp. “What is he thinking?”

“Well, seems like Mr. Bartender Extraordinaire may have been a soldier,” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Oh, well, that explains it,” she tilted her head to the side in contemplation. “Charlie can’t turn down a fellow man in arms, now can he?”

“Apparently not,” I mused under my breath.

“So, what’s it like to work with him?” Rose asked.

I chuckled, remembering Edward’s attempts at being a bartender. “Um, it was interesting. I think he broke more glasses than he served. I was pretty amused, that is, until he called me a bitch.”

“That bastard! I’ll rip his damn head off!” she exclaimed and started to storm off, wincing slightly. I jumped up and stilled her, reassuring her that everything was fine. Shy, timid Rose had been replaced by Don’t-Fuck-with-Me Rose. God, when she got like that, it was a sight to see. I just wished she would be more confident in herself and realize that she was a stronger person than she thought.

“Okay, okay,” she said, blowing out a breath.

“Really, it was no big deal. I just put him with James after that,” I explained with a devious smile.

She let out a loud laugh, throwing her head back in amusement. “Oh, I bet he loved that.”

“It was very entertaining—let me tell you. I think soldier boy turned a little green when James eyed his backside. Serves him right, though. No one calls me a bitch,” I said in a dark tone.

“Bella, it’s okay. Everything is fine,” she said in a calm tone. Having abandoned the sales woman, she stood next to me and rubbed my arm. The word “bitch” was one I had a hard time with because it brought back a lot of painful memories. It was a favorite pet name of my ex, and hearing someone I didn’t know or trust call me one would always send me over the edge.

“I know. I know…when is this ever going to get any easier?” I asked in a small voice.

“I don’t know, sweetie. Just know that Emmett and I are here for you. We love you.”

“Thanks,” I said with a small smile.

When Rose was sure I had calmed down, she returned to the seamstress, who began placing pins in her dress again. I decided maybe it wasn’t a good idea to continue to revisit my feelings with Rosalie at the moment. I decided I’d bring it up another time.

~.~.~.~

“Can I get a beer on tap?” Mr. Mallory asked.

The bar had already been busy when I arrived at my scheduled time. My dad was running around waiting on customers, and I jumped in to help him. There was no time to set up my area, so I was in a pretty bad mood for the rest of the night.

James and stalker boy showed up a half hour later and went straight to work. I had to hold in my laughs when Edward practically ran to my father’s side and didn’t leave for the rest of the night. That meant James served customers at my end of the bar, and I was fine with it. James and I had a system that worked for us when we were together. The two of us glided effortlessly around each other, moving back so the other could go forward and always had what the other needed at a moment’s notice. A couple of times, I noticed Edward watching us intently—like he couldn’t believe that I’d be so calm working with James. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t my ass he was after but refrained from making the comment. Dad would have had my head for saying it.

Every able body was needed for Saturday night—practically everyone in town came to Downstairs to have a few drinks. For that reason alone, it was probably why my father had hired Edward. Another person to help man the bar would make things easier for everyone.

I slid Mr. Mallory’s drink across the bar to him. He thanked me, and I nodded my head at him, moving on to the next customer.

“Hey, sweet face, shake that ass and get me a drink,” a voice boomed across the bar.

A wide smile spread across my face. “Fuck you. I’m not your slave,” I said in a mock chastising tone.

“Well, guess I’ll just have to pour my own then, huh?” Emmett asked, eyeing me playfully.

“Sit down and shut the fuck up,” I said with a laugh.

Emmett plopped down on a bar stool close to me, and Rosalie sat next to him. He had a mischievous grin on his face, leaning over the bar.

“So, two vampires walk into a pub…” he said, placing his hands on the bar top.

I bent toward him, so I could hear him better.

“Okay,” I said, giving him my full attention.

“They call for the bartender. ‘I’ll have a glass of fresh blood,’ one says. ‘I'll have a glass of plasma,’ says the second. ‘Okay,’ the bartender replies. ‘That'll be ... one blood and one blood lite.’ Get it…blood light?” he says, laughing.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Emmett, I think that’s the worst bar joke so far. Did you get it off the internet or something?” I asked.

“No,” he lied as his cheeks turned pink with embarrassment.

I set a bottle of beer in front of him and began working on a margarita for Rose. They came in enough for me to know what they liked.

“Rose said it was cute,” he said with a pout.

“Well, Rose is obligated to say things like that to you. She is marrying your pathetic ass, after all,” I pointed out as I set Rose’s drink in front of her.

“Ha ha,” he said, turning his head.

“Ed, my man!” he shouted when he caught sight of the new bartender. Mr. Uncoordinated dropped a bottle of Jack when big bear yelled at him, causing me to laugh.

“Hey, Flanagan!” I called out, cupping my hand around my mouth. “I think you have the bottle drop mastered, so maybe it’s time to learn how to toss them.”

A blank stare crossed his face, and I knew he had no idea what I was talking about.

“Please tell me he knows the hotness that is Tom Cruise in Cocktail,” James demanded from behind me. “Oh, shit. He really has no clue. Oh, baby cakes, it looks like a Tom Cruise marathon is in both our futures.”

All of the color drained from Mr. Terrified-of-the-Diva’s face, and he turned back to the customers.

“Nice, James,” I said, holding up my hand for a high-five. He complied and went back to work. God, working with James and Edward was such a blast.

“So, that’s him then?” she whispered in my direction.

I nodded my head.

“Hey, Edward, come over here and meet my girl,” Emmett demanded, waving him over.

It wasn’t surprising that Emmett seemed to know Edward and had already given him a nickname. Emmett had a tendency to want to be everyone’s friend. I was sure he’d seen Edward somewhere in town and decided they were going to be buddies. Wonderful.

As he was walking over to Emmett, Rosalie started fidgeting nervously and ended up sliding off the bar stool. She landed on her ass with a thud and muttered out a quiet fuck. Red faced, she got up off the floor but didn’t quite have her balance, tripping and falling onto the stool. Her ass was up in the air, and her head was hanging down. Emmett guffawed and helped her right herself. Rose was scarlet by the time she was back on the stool.

Edward held his hand out to her, and she looked at him skeptically. He lowered it with a sad expression on his face, causing Emmett to furrow his brow at Rose. She ignored him and sipped her drink.

“Ah, well, she’s not good with strangers. My Rosie will warm up soon enough. Won’t ya, babe?” he asked, placing his arm around her.

She shrugged her shoulders, continuing to ignore Edward.

“So, how do you like working here so far?” Emmett asked, turning in Edward’s direction.

“It’s all right, I guess. I’ve probably lost more money for this place than I’ve earned, but other than that, it’s not too bad,” Edward answered, shaking his head.

“Aw, well, man, nothing to worry about. You should have seen this one when she first started. I couldn’t tell you how many times…” Emmett opened his stupid, big mouth.

“Finish that sentence and it’s your balls, Emmy Bear,” I warned, narrowing my eyes.

He held his hands up in surrender, leaving the sentence hanging in the air. Good boy, I thought. I really would have hated to castrate him when he was marrying my best friend, but a girl had to do what a girl had to do sometimes.

I left Edward with James and Emmett, walking over to my father. His side was starting to get busy, and I figured he could use some real help. We began getting orders filled quickly, busting our asses until every hand had a drink in it.

“Ooooh, Charlieeeeeeeeeee!” A shrill female voice pierced the air.

“Why, God? Why? What did I do to you?” Charlie muttered under his breath.

The Dragon Lady herself walked up to the bar and sat on the stool. She tossed her frizzy light brown hair behind her shoulder, batting her eyelashes in a way that probably was supposed to look sexy. Instead, it came across more like she was having a seizure. The woman grabbed a hold of my dad’s forearm and squeezed lightly, making him jerk it back.

“Aw, come on, baby. Don’t be like that.” she leaned forward, pushing her breasts out.

“Um, I have to, um…yeah. I think the new guy needs me—James, get your ass down here, now!” he called out, backing away quickly.

I snickered as he almost sprinted to where Edward was standing. James sauntered over to me and looked at the woman sitting in front of us.

“Nay Nay. It’s good to see you. How have you been?” he asked, leaning on the bar toward her.

“Oh, James, what do I have to do? It’s like he hates me or something,” Renee complained.

“I have no idea,” James admitted with a sigh. “He’s a tough man to figure out.”

“Maybe I should start wearing shorter skirts,” she mused as she tugged on the hem of her skirt. “That would probably catch his eye.”

“Whoa!” I exclaimed, smacking my hand on the top of the bar. “I do not need to hear how your skanky ass plans on getting my father to cheat on my mother. Zip it, or I’ll have you thrown out on your ass.”

She pouted and ordered a drink. James went to fix it, and I grabbed him by the arm.

“Why do you encourage her? You’re lucky that Charlie hasn’t killed you in your sleep. He does know where you live, seeing as he was the one that offered you the apartment above us,” I said, waving my finger in his face.

“Come on, Indian princess, it’s all in fun. Besides, who is the one that entertains her ass when she’s here?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “Me, that’s who.”

“Fine,” I said, blowing out a frustrated breath. “You get brownie point for that because you’re right. But…just…don’t encourage her as much. Charlie is reaching his breaking point, I think.”

He saluted me and went back to work.

The bar was beginning to slow down, so I thought it would be a perfect time to take a break. When I entered the back room, I saw Edward sitting on a chair with his head in his hands. He looked kind of upset, so I figured I’d pull out the nice girl I had stashed inside of me somewhere and ask what was wrong. I had always wanted to be more like Jake. Talking to Edward would be good practice.

“Everything all right?” I asked in a concerned tone.

“Fuck, how do I still have a job?” he muttered into his hands.

I sat down beside him and reached over, awkwardly patting him on his shoulder.

“Um, I can I give you a little word of advice?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t bite my head off.

He sighed.

“Like the suggestion that I learn how to toss bottles? Yeah, no thanks,” Edward said in a frustrated tone.

“Okay, fine. I admit it. I’ve been a real ass to you, and I probably deserve that comment,” I admitted, glancing at him sideways. He raised his green eyes, looking into my brown ones expectantly.

“I’m not a nice person, and I really don’t give a damn if people are uncomfortable with it,” I stated, keeping my eyes on him. “However, my father likes you, so that means that I’ll stop being mean and try to get along with you.”

He raised his eyebrow.

“Look, if you’d quit trying to work as fast as the rest of us, you probably wouldn’t drop as many things. We have years of experience on you, and no one expects you to move at our pace.”

He blew out a breath. “I’ll have to try that, if I still have a job when I go back out there.”

“I broke the beer tap my second night working here,” I confessed, hoping my own misfortune would help him feel better.

He laughed loudly.

“Really?” he choked out with tears in his eyes.

“Yes. I’m sure that was what Emmett was trying to tell you earlier. I couldn’t get the damn thing to move, and it broke off in my hand. That cost Charlie a pretty penny to fix. If I still have a job, then you will, too. Your damage is small potatoes compared to mine.”

“Good to know,” he said, wiping under his eye.

I looked up at the clock hanging on the far wall and noticed my twenty minutes were up…five minutes before hand. Yeah, Charlie was going to have my ass.

“Well, I’ll see ya out there,” I said in a pleasant voice and started to walk away. Edward called out, making me turn to him out of curiosity.

“Yeah?” I questioned, furrowing my brow.

“Um, James said you might like these,” he stuttered, holding out a small bag.

I took it from him and opened it—Oh my God—I think I might have drooled a little. Inside the small paper bag was a box of chocolate covered cherries. I pulled them out and began opening the package.

“Stupid sneaky James,” I muttered as I tore apart the plastic and carefully opened the box.

“What?” Edward inquired, standing up.

“Nothing,” I answered in a whispered voice.

“So, I take it that chocolate covered cherries are a good thing, then?”

“Chocolate covered cherries are a piece of heaven on earth. I would rat out my own grandfather, whom I love dearly, for one,” I explained with a scoff.

He smiled, shaking his head in amusement. I thought, as I popped one into my mouth, that he probably thought I was joking. Well, I wasn’t. Those little candies held a lot of power over me, enough to make my cold heart melt.

“I think you’ve just become my new favorite person,” I admitted reluctantly. “Come on, let’s get back to work.

He looked shocked by my statement but followed me anyway.

“Shit, that means I can’t call you stalker boy in my head anymore, doesn’t it?” I muttered as we reached the bar.

“Stalker boy?” his voice gave away his confusion.

“Fuck, um, yeah. Just don’t ask, okay? I give everyone some kind of nickname in my head and…hey, why don’t you help out Renee? I’m sure you’d score points with Charlie for serving her,” I suggested, motioning toward my dad’s own stalker.

“I don’t want to serve the Dragon Lady, though,” he said with a pout. The look on his face caused me to laugh.

“Dragon Lady? So, Charlie told you all about her little crush on him, did he?”

“Yes. She’s been eyeing me all night. Between her and James, I’m kind of scared here,” he said with a shudder.

“James is harmless. He’s just playing with you, because he thinks you’re cute. Renee, on the other hand, would probably try to devour you,” I admitted.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. James won’t leave me alone. I think he thinks I’m more than cute.”

“Let me tell you something about James,” I looked up at him. “If you’re going to continue working here, you are going to have to learn to get a thicker skin. James lives to fuck with good-looking straight men.”

I set another drink in front of Renee and turned back to Edward, having decided to wait on the Dragon Lady myself. James and I seemed to be the only two willing to serve her, and his funky ass was down with my dad. Bastard. I was making him trade me as soon as things slowed down.

“So, what you’re saying is…” he tilted his head to the side.

“Tell him he has a pimple on his face, or that his ass looks big in his jeans. He will be so worried about it, he won’t even pay attention to you.”

He laughed and shook his head. “I’ll have to remember that.”

“Yes, it has worked well for me when I’ve had enough of his little rants. He’s just lucky I love him.” I glared in James’ direction.

Edward and I continued to work together for the rest of the night. After he had stopped trying to be Mr. Super Bartender, he wasn’t half bad. Okay, and once I decided to quit being a world-class asshole, I found that he wasn’t half bad. The man had, even if James had put him up to it, gotten me chocolate covered cherries.

When the night was over and closing duties were finished, Edward went back to the office to see Charlie. James walked over to me and bumped me with his hip.

“Stud muffin likes you,” he sang, placing his hand around my shoulder.

“Shut up.” I pushed him off of me.

“And I think that you might have changed your mind, too,” he said, pointing at me in accusation.

“Yes, I’ve changed my mind and have decided he might be one of the good guys, but he doesn’t like me.”

“Hallelujah! She has finally seen the light!” he exclaimed, throwing his hand toward the ceiling. I elbowed him in the ribs, and he let out an oomph.

“Oh, and what was that with the cherries, huh?” I asked, crossing my arms and giving him a glare. “What exactly is going on in that little head of yours?”

“Pretty boy obviously has no idea how to handle you, so I figured I’d help him out. I want to be your maid of honor when the two of you get married. Can you imagine me in a pink silk tux?” he said with a dreamy look.

“I am not marrying him. Get that thought out of your head…right this instant,” I warned, shoving him lightly.

“Oh, come on. The two of you would have the most gorgeous babies on the planet and, because of Auntie James, they would be the most fashion conscious children in the history of the world,” James lectured, placing a hand on his heart.

“Not going to happen, Pricilla, Queen of the Desert.” I tapped my foot on the ground.

“Take that back, you whore. I am no drag queen,” he demanded, sucking in a shocked breath. “I don’t tuck the beast—I let him swing proudly.”

“Give up the dream, James. It’s not going to happen,” I promised with an eye roll.

“We’ll just see about that, Indian princess. Your fairy godfather has a few tricks up his sleeve.”

Motherfucking fuck

James was going to be difficult, and he was going to make my life hell. The one thing that James loved more than ogling men was playing matchmaker. When he found what he called the perfect couple, the man would stop at nothing to make it happen. Poor Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton had been the last two to fall into James’s clutches. He pulled out every trick, dirty and otherwise, from his book and was relentless until they finally gave in. It didn’t matter that they’d been married for four months and were blissfully happy, because that wasn’t going to happen to me. I was too damaged and jaded. James was just going to have to match Edward with someone else.

“I see that look, Bella, and you should know me by now—I won’t give up. You’re going to marry that man. Even if I have to carry you down the aisle hog-tied.”

I shook my head and left the bar, walking out to my car.

Yeah, I don’t think so, buddy. You will have to chase me all the way to Canada first