Chapter 24

“Indian princess, come on,” James whined. “All of the good baby clothes will be bought up if we don’t hurry, and then Baby Cullen will have to wear rags.”

I snorted. “Because the millions of other baby clothes littering my apartment couldn’t possibly clothe my infant three times over.”

“It’s all about options. If you were a girl, you’d understand this. However, since you’re pretending to be one, you have no idea what I’m talking about.” James sighed. “I’ve got my work cut out for me since you’re her mother.”

How I ended up in a nightmare where James questioned my status as a woman, and the diva thought my possible daughter was going to learn fashion tips from him I didn’t know. The day had started off on a high note wrapped in Edward’s arms.  

As we finished up the breakfast dishes, James knocked on the door and insisted we open up. Edward let James in, and then somehow the sneaky diva convinced me we needed to shop for the baby.  I don’t know what I’d been thinking. Our apartment was bursting at the seams with all things baby, and I’d learned more about the different types of items that went along with infants than I’d ever cared to know.

I sighed. “Does the fact that my feet feel like they’ve grown two sizes in the past hour not bother you?

“Don’t be so dramatic,” James chastised. “Beauty is pain. Move it, Bella.”

I stomped off toward the third baby store we’d been to that afternoon. Inside, it was the same as the others. Piles and piles of clothes, tons of toys, and other items that carried, pushed, or otherwise entertained a little one. It was overwhelming.

“Um, why do I need to buy everything today? You know Mom wants to have a baby shower eventually,” I pointed out.

“Well, if you look at what is available for Baby Cullen, then you’ll be able to tell people what to buy you.” I was positive I detected a silent “duh” during James’ rambling.

“Can’t I just register online or something? I’m tired,” I whined.

James shook his head in irritation. “How will you know from a picture if the shade is more rose than pink? Taking the time to look at the actual clothes is the only way to be sure.”

“I’m going to lie down on a bench. I’m done. Come find me when you’re finished.” 

He waved me off as I left the store, and I managed to keep the eye roll I wanted to send him internal when I found a bench close to the store and sat down. I had more energy nowadays, but coming out with James had been too much. He acted like I had the same energy he did. Over assuming idiot.  

I sighed. I’d really wanted to spend time with Edward before we’d had to work at the bar, but that idea was quickly going out the window. James was the biggest cuddle-blocker of all time. I looked around, wondering if I could get away with really napping on the bench.  

“Oh, look, Indian Princess!” James exclaimed, plopping his ass down next to me on the bench. He pulled a frilly, white piece of cloth full of ribbons and lace out of a shopping bag. Laying it out across his lap, I realized it was a small dress.

“What the hell is that?” I asked in an irritated tone, knowing that now my bench nap was not possible.  

“It’s a Christening dress, Bella,” James said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been searching for the perfect one practically forever. I finally found it, and it will look so lovely on her. And since you and Mr. Stud Muffin decided to have a tacky court house wedding, I’m going to wear my pink silk suit to the Christening—where Auntie James will be named our pretty princess’s fairy godmother.”

I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head, trying to find some patience for the fool.

“You are aware that being a godfather,” I said, emphasizing the last word, “has nothing to do with fairytales, right?”

He waved me off. “Says you. Every little girl needs someone to swoop in and save the day in matters of fashion, and I’m the perfect person for the job. There is nothing you or your delicious husband can do to stop me.”

I left the delusional diva to his insanity. Edward and I still had a few months to convince James that he was, in fact, way off base. I wondered what James would do if the baby turned out to be a boy.

I almost wish we were having a boy so I could find out.

~.~.~.~

“So, then, Mike asks if he can spank me. Can you believe the nerve of him?’ Jessica asked.

“I take it you’re not into kinky sex?” I questioned back.

“Um, kinky is fine. But when my husband wants to smack my ass, that’s where I draw the line. Fucking idiot.” Jessica huffed and crossed her arms.

I looked at the end of the bar, where Mike was sitting and talking to Edward and James. He glanced over at me and lowered his head. It was obvious he knew his wife was bitching about him. Stupid man indeed. He had to realize that Jessica would divulge all the dirty details because she always complained to me. I tried to hold in a laugh and failed.

“Well, Edward’s never asked to spank me, so I guess I don’t have to worry about him crossing that line.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “You’re pregnant. Your husband wouldn’t dare suggest it now. At least, I hope he wouldn’t.  Otherwise, I’d kick his ass. For real.”

“And this is why I love your violent little ass.” 

“All I’m sayin’ is, if Mike decides to follow through with spanking me, he better not go to sleep. I’ll make Lorena Bobbitt look like a love sick fool.”

I was glad Jessica and Mike had shown up at the bar. The night was slow and boring, and their crazy at times relationship made for great entertainment. Renee had even come in, but since my father wasn’t working, she was pouting at the end of the bar.

Two strong, familiar arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I leaned back and melted into Rusty, resting my head on his shoulder as he absentmindedly rubbed my baby bump.

“Mike wants me to ask if it’s okay for him to come down here and sit with you. He said you banned him from your side,” Edward said, fighting a laugh.

“Did that pinhead tell you what he tried to do?” Jessica asked.

Edward buried his head into my hair, shaking with silent laughter. After a few moments, he composed himself and looked over at Jessica.

“Um, sort of.”

“Well, did he tell you he wants to spank me? Spank me! Has that fool lost his damn mind?” Jessica’s voice steadily rose with each word.

Edward had lost the grip on his control and was laughing hard. He let go of me and laid his head down on the counter, smacking his hand on the bar top.

“I’m glad my pain amuses you.” Jessica deadpanned.

He lifted his head up. “From what I hear, Mike wasn’t able to inflict any pain.”

“Fuck you.” Jessica glared. “You would find this funny. You’re a man and all men are pigs.”

 “I’m sorry,” Edward apologized, wiping his eyes with his hand. “It’s just…the mental image I get every time I think about what would happen if he followed through is too much.”

Jessica smiled and relaxed her posture. “I would kick his boring ass, wouldn’t I? Okay, I forgive you for being stupid.”

“Baby, can I please sit by you now? I’m sorry, and I’ll never bring it up again.” Mike thrust out his folded hands.

Jessica looked over at her husband, glaring at him.

“How are you going to make it up to me?” Jessica asked.

“Um, I’ll buy you that necklace you wanted?” Mike said like it was a question, walking toward her.

“You mean the one that you said you’d rather shove a cucumber up your ass than buy?”

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Mike whispered.

Jessica put her finger on her chin, thinking over his offer.

“Knew I shouldn’t have taken that cracked out fairy’s advice,” Mike muttered, loud enough for Jessica, Edward, and I to hear.

“What?” Jessica screamed. “James, get your fucking ass out here. Now!”

I glanced around, noticing for the first time, that the diva had slipped out sometime during Jessica’s bitch fest. James had to know the shit had hit the fan, and he was about to be turned into ground beef. Jessica was pissed and out for blood.

“Do you mind if I go check the back? I have a diva to kill,” Jessica said.

“Go ahead. Just…please. If you’re going to spill blood, do it out in the parking lot. I don’t want to have to clean up the gore.”

“Yeah, I second that. It would most likely be me doing it, anyway,” Edward said.

“Honey pie, don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit?” Mike asked.

Jessica sent him a frosty glare that made him cringe, effectively shutting him up. She hopped off the stool, went around the counter, and stomped to the back room. I looked up at Edward and the sound of things being thrown around, followed by a high-pitched scream, floated out to us.

Then, out of nowhere, James streaked through the bar, up the steps to the front door, and ran outside. Jessica was following close behind him, cursing as she chased him.

“Holy shit! I thought she was kidding!” Edward exclaimed.

“Uh, no,” Mike said. “My wife is a vengeful little thing. James is in so much trouble. I’m just glad I’m not the one facing her wrath at the moment.”

“You stupid jackass,” I said. “You should know better than to take anything James says to heart. Now he’s going to die, and it’ll be all your fault.”

Mike hung his head, properly chastised.

“Bella.” Edward tried to be the voice of reason. “I’m sure Jessica will end up forgiving James. Their probably out in the parking lot laughing at the situation right now.”

I shook my head. “You have so much to learn.”

The sound of a door slamming made us turn our heads. James jogged down the stairs, looking around frantically. His eyes locked on Edward, and he sprinted over to him.

“Please, I’m begging you. Hide me,” he said, clasping his hands in front of him.

“What?” Edward asked.

“I faked like I was running into the woods and doubled back. Hurry! She’s going to figure it out any minute. You can’t let me die. I’m too pretty,” James leveled Edward with puppy dog eyes.

“Oh, James. Where the fuck are you?” Jessica called out, coming down the steps.

James squeaked, diving behind Edward. My husband tried to push him off, but James was hanging on so tightly to Edward’s shirt, it was like it was soldered on. I moved away from Edward, because I decided standing next to him was no longer safe. When Jessica realized that James was being shielded by Rusty, the claws were going to come out and both men would be shredded.

I walked around the bar just as Jessica entered the room. Sitting down beside Mike, I watched as she started checking under tables. I almost felt sorry for James but thought better of it. Maybe when Jessica kicked his ass, he’d think twice before he handed out unwanted sexual advice again.

“James, come out come out wherever you are,” Jessica sang.

I glanced over at Edward, and he was holding his breath, standing like a statue. It was obvious that he finally realized Jessica wasn’t playing around. I almost laughed at his expression but decided against it. If my friend figured out Edward had turned traitor, he would be caught in the crosshairs. Since I kind of liked having him around, I kept my lips pressed together.

A look of horror crossed Edward’s eyes as Jessica moved toward him. Quickly he moved slightly to the right, revealing James. The diva screeched and started to back up, hitting the shelves where the bottles were stored.

“Now, Jessica,” James said, raising his hands in surrender.

“Oh, no,” Jessica said. “You’re not talking your way out of this one.”

She picked up the soda nozzle we used for mixed drinks and pointed it in James’ direction. The cornered James held his hands up in surrender. An evil grin crossed Jessica’s face as she pressed the button on the back of the nozzle. At the last second, James pivoted on his heel and ran in the direction of the front doors and out into the parking lot, leaving Edward in the spray’s path.

“The fuck!” Edward screamed, moving away from the stream of soda water and holding his soaked shirt away from his body.

“Damn it!” Jessica pressed another button, turning the flow off. “I almost had him!”

“Congratulations. Now I’m soaked. What did I ever do to you?”

“You hid him.” Jessica shrugged, placing the nozzle back in its holder. “Next time get out of my way.”

“That’s so fucking unfair.” Edward huffed, wringing out his shirt. “I moved.”

“Not fast enough by the look of your shirt.”

“I’m going to go change. See if I ever make your drinks again.”

I giggled at Edward’s mumbling as he passed by me on his way to the apartment.

~.~.~.~

I took in the scene that was supposed to be my wedding reception. James had really outdone himself. The bar had been closed down that evening for the occasion. Everything that was nailed down had either been covered in pink cloth or decorated in some way with the hideous color. There were pale pink roses everywhere—stuck in vases on tables, in arrangements around the room, and even in my fucking hair. I’d drawn the line when James had suggested shopping for wedding dresses. I didn’t see the sense in buying something I’d only ever wear to a glorified social gathering.

Instead, he’d tricked me into getting a strapless white gown. It was floor length and had a corset in the back. Somehow, he’d found the ball gown that was disturbingly close to what he wanted anyway. I’d thrown a fit until he threatened to frog march my ass downstairs naked.

Edward ended up in a black suit with a pink tie. He was dashing in the outfit, but he looked like he was going to a fancy party—not the groom of a wedding reception. I envied him. I looked like I belonged on top of a damn wedding cake.

Everyone we knew had been invited.  Even though he’d created a pink nightmare, James had surprised me with how well organized the event was. First, we were to be served dinner, followed by toasts. Then he’d planned for cake cutting, bouquet tossing, and garter throwing. Afterwards, dancing and mingling with the crowd was on the list. I still wasn’t sure how the dancing part was supposed to happen. There was no more room in the bar than there had been when Rose and Emmett got married. I chalked that up to James’ need to make the impossible happen.

As I sat next to my husband eating, I glanced at the faces of our guests. The one face that was missing made me sad. The grief that always followed thoughts of my brother was more of a distant ache those days. It was all because of the man sitting next to me. He hadn’t known it at the time, but when he’d come into our lives, he’d given us back something that we’d though was lost forever. Love and laughter.

He was just as broken as we were, but somehow, he was able to help us pick up the pieces and glue ourselves back together. At the same time, we’d done the same thing for him. Edward’s own family didn’t give a damn about him, and he was lost. We were a family that had lost a favorite son. He was the black sheep son who’d been kicked out of his family by no fault of his own. When we came together, it was like everything clicked. Nothing could replace Jake, nor could we completely fill the hole left by his family’s absence in Edward’s heart. Instead, we’d forged a bond and gained a closeness that couldn’t be destroyed.

Dad stood up, raising his glass and clearing his throat. Everyone quieted down, and each person in the room gave him their full attention.

“Just a couple of months ago, I stood before you congratulating Emmett and Rosalie on their marriage as the best man, standing in for my son, Jake. This time, I stand before you as the father of the bride, getting ready to give words of advice and praise for Edward and Bella,” my father said, giving us a pointed look. “Since these yahoos decided to run off to the courthouse to get married, I invoke my fatherly right to make the first toast.”

I rolled my eyes at him.

He shook his head. “Now, there will be none of your attitude, missy. I didn’t get to walk my daughter down the aisle. So now you have to suck it up and let me have this.”

I softened, and Edward put his arm around my shoulder.

“Everyone sitting here today knows Bella. Hell, almost all of you watched her grow up from the cute girl she was into the beautiful woman she is today. However, even though most of you have met Edward, I’m not sure if you’ve heard how he officially came into our lives.”

I reached up and squeezed the hand resting on my collar bone. Looking over at Edward, I saw a small smile on his face.

“Edward was Jake’s Sergeant in the Army. He came to Forks months after Jake’s death and Edward’s subsequent stay at Walter Reed. The first time I saw him was in the diner. He was polite and nervous, and when he finally told me his reason for the visit, that was the day he earned my respect. I knew from that moment on he was an honorable man.

“Somehow, we convinced him to stay. It was entertaining to watch Bella push him away, knowing they were perfect for each other. This nut over here,” he said, pointing to James, “even got involved. After that, it was hilarious. Sue, James, and I were convinced that they’d eventually get their heads out of their asses. We just didn’t realize it’d be this soon.”

The crowd laughed and Emmett shouted, “You can say that again!”

Dad snorted. “Now, I get the honor of calling Edward my son-in-law and have the peace of mind of knowing he’ll take care of my little girl.”

I teared up at his words, because I knew that he meant it. Edward had become like a son to him, and I was sure that he wouldn’t have said that about any other man.

“So, Edward, here’s my advice to you. As the father of the woman you married, I’d like to say that, even though I love you, I will shoot you if you hurt her.”

Guffaws and chuckles filled the bar. “That being said, I know my daughter is just like her mother. The only wisdom I can impart as a married man is…well…I’m sure you and I will be doing a lot of inventory together in the coming years.”

Mom smacked Dad on his ass, sending shivers of revulsion down my spine. Sometimes I really wished that my parents would behave in public.

I turned to Edward to say something, but he stopped my words with his lips. A chorus of “Aw’s” surrounded us, but I didn’t pay attention to them. I was lost in my husband’s kiss.

When we separated, I saw that Emmett was standing with his glass raised. “Okay, I’m kinda miffed that I didn’t get to be the best man, because I know I was a shoo in.”

Everyone chuckled.

“But I’m so glad you both finally saw what was in front of you. I know you’ll be as happy as I am with my Rosie. Bella, we’ve known each other for a long time. You’ve always been like a sister to me, and I give you the same promise. I don’t care if Edward was a big, bad Sergeant. Charlie and I will practice our target shooting with his ass if he ever hurts you.”

I laughed, looking over at Edward. He shook his head in amusement.

“Edward, you’ve become a good friend. We’re all so lucky that you decided to live here. You’ve brought back the snarky, sarcastic Bella we all know and love, minus the bitterness, and I speak for everyone when I say thank you. I am positive that Jake is looking down on the both of you right now smiling. He would have loved the idea of the two of you being together.”

Emmett sat down as the crowd applauded. Tears came to my eyes once again. Damn hormones. Edward kissed my temple and pulled me closer.

James stood up next, and Edward groaned. I nudged him, silently asking him to behave.

“I had a speech all planned out for when Edward and Bella got married. However, I had to ditch it when they decided to have a tacky courthouse wedding, denying me my right to be the maid of honor. So, I’m going to have to wing it.” James huffed.

“Hush it, bitch. I was going to be Bella’s matron of honor,” Jessica called out.

“Nuh-uh,” Rose said. “She’s my best friend.”

“Fuck you all!” Leah yelled. “I’m family. I was maid of honor by default!”

“And this is why we got married at city hall,” I whispered to Edward.

He chuckled. “God, I’m so glad we did. This reception is bad enough. Our wedding would have been hell if James planned it.”

“Excuse me, ladies. I’m trying to make a speech here.” James glared, crossing his arms. “Anyway, I knew from the beginning that they were meant for each other. Well, that is, after I figured out Edward was straight.”

Edward shook his head and mouthed “fuck you.”

James rolled his eyes at Edward and me. “I pushed them together every change I got. It took some time, but eventually, they cracked like I knew they would. Now, they’re blissfully married and about to be blessed with a daughter.”

“A son!” Edward yelled.

James shook his head. “This is the part where I’d read a poem, but Papa Swan says I can’t. So, instead, I just want to say that you, Edward and Bella, give me hope that true love really does exist.”

Edward wiped a tear from my eye. What was it with these people, trying to make me cry? I leaned into my husband, hoping to calm down.

“Um, I’d like to say a few words as someone that has known Edward for years,” Jasper began nervously as he stood up. All eyes went to him, and I was curious as to what he’d say. Edward furrowed his eyebrows in question, probably thinking the same thing I was.

“I’m sure I’m not the best person to do this. Everyone is probably aware of the strain on Edward’s and my friendship, but I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you, man. You’ve managed to find a woman that loves you and a family that has your back. That’s a rare thing in this world, and I hope that you know how lucky you are. Hold on to it tight and never let go. If Carlisle and Esme weren’t so stuck on themselves, they’d probably tell you the same thing.

“And, Bella, thank you. I know most of you wouldn’t see it, but you’ve brought the light back into Edward’s eyes. It’s something I haven’t seen since we were kids, and it’s nice to see it has returned. You really are his savior. Please, take care of him like he should be because we, meaning his family and me, were too self-involved to do it.”

Jasper sat back down. He looked over at me, and I mouthed, “I will” at him. Jasper nodded his head at me, smiling.

The rest of the night was less emotional. Edward and I talked with our guests and cut the cake. At first, Edward acted like he was going to shove the piece of cake in my face, but he didn’t. It was a good thing, too. I wasn’t above pushing him into it, making our wedding an almost exact replica of Emmett and Rosalie’s, well, minus me getting cake on my dress.

As things were winding down, Edward and I ended up sitting with Emmett and Rose, Mike and Jessica, Mom and Dad, Jasper and Leah, and James. Our conversation had started out with everyone congratulating us individually, but Edward ended up retelling the story of his father’s visit.

“Man, I wish I’d have been here when he showed up. I’d have had a few choice words for him,” Emmett said.

“Yeah, it sound like someone needs to be taught some manners,” Jessica agreed, nodding her head.

“That’s so fucked up. I can’t believe your own family abandoned you. I know it’s probably not worth much, but Jessica and I are here for you if you need us,” Mike offered.

“Thanks, Mike. Your support is worth more than you’ll ever know,” Edward said.

“Oh, I wish that man would come back. How dare he talk to one of my children that way?” Mom seethed.

“Mom, it’s okay,” I said, patting her hand across the table. She sat back and kept her mouth closed, but I could see the wheels in her head spinning. Mom was not going to let it go, and God help him if Edward’s father showed up again. He was going to be the diner’s Thursday Mystery Special.

“I’m used to it. Nothing I did was ever good enough for Carlisle or Esme Cullen. If it didn’t make them look like parents of the year, they couldn’t be bothered with it. It was all an illusion, anyway. Neither one of them were fit to take care of a house plant,” Edward said.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I think a plan to take out your crappy father is in order. I was doing some research last night, and I have the perfect way. I say we go Mafia on his ass and fit him with cement boots, then throw him in the ocean,” James said.

“I appreciate your concern, James,” Edward said. “But I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in prison.”

“Oh, butter butt, your sweet face will never see the inside of a jail cell. You have much more important things to do, like keep Indian princess happy and be a father to our pretty, pretty princess. I’m more than happy to do it all myself,” James explained.

Edward raised an eyebrow.

“Um, he picked that nickname out the other day,” I said.

“I’m having a boy,” Edward said, enunciating each word.

“Whatever, stud muffin. You and Bella are the brother and sister I always wanted, and no one messes with my family. I love Bella enough to kill for her, and I feel the same way about you.”

“Thanks, James, but I don’t want you to end up in prison. Who else is going to annoy the shit out of me?” Edward asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Everyone laughed.

“Oh, if he shows his face again, I’m helping James. Those bastards don’t deserve you,” Rose said.

“Fuck yeah. We’ll go all Godfather on his ass,” Jessica added.

“The man doesn’t stand a chance if he comes back,” Dad said.

I looked over at Jasper and noticed he seemed uncomfortable. Edward and the others were busy planning Carlisle’s fictional death, but Jasper sat in silence. I wondered what he thought about the conversation going on. I remembered, at one time, he was somewhat a part of Edward’s family, too. While he didn’t seem like the person Edward had described as a crappy best friend, I still wasn’t sure where his loyalties lied. He’d been back and forth since he’d first come to see Edward. Besides spending time with Leah, he hadn’t been around much the past couple of months.

When Edward’s Dad showed up, we didn’t really question how he’d known where Edward had been all this time. Since then I’d been trying to figure out who had told him about Edward’s whereabouts. Carlisle had no idea Edward was living in Forks the last I knew. So, his arrival to Forks was suspect at best. I really didn’t want to accuse Jasper of throwing my husband under the bus, but I couldn’t figure out how else Edward’s father would have known he was there. The evidence was beginning to point in Jasper’s direction.

I was going to keep my eye on Jasper. It was becoming clearer each passing day that my first instinct about the man was correct. He wasn’t worthy of Edward.

Jasper had better hope I was wrong.