Crazy Maker

Bella was going to make me fucking crazy. And give me whiplash. I’d be a crazy person with whiplash.

Awesome.

I checked that the door was actually locked because I sure as hell didn’t need James to wander in while I was just in a towel. He’d do it, too, the nutcase. Either he was taking a class on personal boundaries, or I was getting myself a shot gun. Hell, I was thinking about getting a shotgun anyway. I had always liked guns, and even after everything, I still did. I wasn’t obsessed, but I appreciated them. Maybe I could take up hunting. Forks seemed like a good place for it.

Figuring it might be a good idea to get some sleep, I went through the apartment – my apartment – and into the bedroom. I tossed the towel into the hamper and wriggled my ass. I wasn’t sure if I could actually taunt James when he wasn’t present, but what the hell. No way was he ever seeing my naked ass, so this kind of taunting would have to do.


Collapsing into bed, I relished in the luxury of being able to sleep naked. I hadn’t done that in a very long time, either due to lack of privacy or because I was in some shady motel where the bedding probably wasn’t clean. Having a place of my own really was the best thing that had happened in a really long time. My back really liked it, too. We hadn’t been this good friends since Afghanistan.

I closed my eyes and hoped sleep would find me. Instead, my thoughts went back to the pretty firecracker. The last few days had been…interesting. I hadn’t tried to keep from her that I had known Jake. Hell, I’d have thought Charlie would have told her since he’d told Sue. I didn’t blame Bella for how she had reacted, though, because from her point of view it probably had looked like everyone was trying to keep it from her. When it came to Jake, we were all sensitive. But as far as to coming clean to Bella, part of it might have had to do with the fact that, out of everyone, she had been the one that had had the greatest influence on me in Afghanistan. Unknown to her and Jake, it was hearing what she wrote that had kept me sane. Somewhere in my mind, confessing to knowing Jake had also meant confessing to eavesdropping on him reading her letters out loud, and that was not something I was ready to confess just yet. I was a sad enough bastard as it was.

My thoughts were going in circles, so I started counting sheep instead. Only in my mind, the sheep exploded as they jumped over a fence. I admitted to being completely fucked up before I finally fell asleep.

I dreamt about Bella storming into the diner only wearing that little pink cami and the even smaller shorts. That had been some sight. I was still smiling when I stretched and opened my eyes.

What the fuck?

I was...I was…I was having a goddamn nightmare, that was what I was. My right hand was chained to the headboard, and I yanked at the restraint while I turned my head. Handcuffs. What the hell? I looked around while trying to decide if I should panic or just stay in the confused state I was currently in.

At the foot of the bed sat an amused James, stuffing his face with popcorn. “Morning, my dove. Thanks for last night. I can see that I completely wore you out.”

“What the…fucking hell…what are you doing here? And why the hell am I handcuffed to the bed?” I sputtered, yanking at the handcuff again. I then realized that the sheet supposed to cover me was dangerously low on my body. Glaring at James, I pulled it up with my free hand.

Naturally, the fucker just laughed and threw a piece of popcorn at me. It hit my nose. “Yeah, like I didn’t already look. I’m not stupid; I know to take advantage of the chances I’m given. And you’re supposed to open your mouth, you know,” he said.

I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. “What the hell are you talking about? And if you don’t unlock these handcuffs right now, I’ll fucking shoot your diva ass.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, lovely butt. So obsessed with my ass. But anyway, I think I’ll take some more photos now that you’re awake. You look very pretty asleep, but I like you better awake – there’s such a fire in your eyes,” James said and stood up, revealing a camera.

“I swear to fucking God that if you snap as much as one picture of me, you’ll end up in a ditch somewhere,” I threatened.

“But I need something for my walls!” he argued. “Deep inside this gorgeous body there’s a teenage girl wanting to cover her walls with posters of you and Justin Bieber.”

“Who?” I asked before I could help myself. “Wait, never mind. Just fucking unlock these things. Now! And then get the hell out of my apartment! It’s against the law to break into people’s houses, you know.”

“Privacy is like dessert wine, you know. It’s nice in small doses, but if you overdo it, it’ll taste really awful coming back up,” James said and snapped the photo that signed his own death sentence.

“What?” I rolled my eyes and fell back against the pillows. What had I done to deserve this? I hadn’t shot any civilians or humiliated prisoners. I had attended school like a good boy as a kid, never disrespected my mom…much, and once I even helped a little, old lady across the street. Why was I being punished like this?

“The Indian princess didn’t like it when I picked her lock, either. You’re such prudes – a match made in heaven,” James continued his rambling. “I bet when you get married, you’ll be one of those couples who always keep their front door locked and only have sex when the bedroom door is closed. You wouldn’t know adventure if it came up and bit you in your gorgeous asses.”

I sighed tiredly. “Not only have you broken into my home and chained me up, you are also giving me a fucking migraine. Get the fuck out now!”

“Well, you’re no fun, even if you do look like a Greek god. I thought we were going to have that Tom Cruise marathon. Why do you think I brought popcorn?”

“Because you are fucking insane! Get. Out. Now.”

“You’ll miss me when I’m gone,” he told me confidently.

“Not fucking likely,” I said, snorting.

“All right, have it your way, big daddy bunny. But I’m taking the popcorn,” he said, snapping one last photo and walking out quietly.

Thank fucking God.

I covered my face with my hands. Or, rather covered my face with my hand… “James! Get back here and unlock the handcuffs!”

I waited. And waited. But the fucker didn’t come back. Fucking hell. Now what? I craned my neck and looked at the handcuffs. They were pink and fluffy, of course. What else would they be? They were also not very breakable, leaving me utterly fucked. I looked at the bedside table, but there was no cell phone. I groaned and closed my eyes. I’d starve to death, chained naked to my bed, and they’d find my rotting corpse sometime next year. Or come laugh at me when I didn’t show up for work tonight. One or the other. Fucking James.

Should I try yelling for help? No one was up there except for James and…fuck. Bella. That would be just what I needed – the pretty firecracker finding me like this. But what was my alternative? I needed to get free so I could go buy a gun and shoot James.

As I was pondering my situation, I heard a knock on the front door. Swallowing all my pride, I yelled that the door was open…at least I hoped it was open. For all I knew, James had locked it again. I seriously needed a deadbolt on my door.

“Hello? Edward?” It was Bella.

“In the bedroom,” I called out.

“Are you decent?” she asked from outside the door.

I snorted. “As decent as I can be under the circumstances. Come on in.”

The door opened, and Bella stuck her head in. Her eyes widened when she saw me. “Um, you want to get dressed maybe?”

“Can’t,” I said, sighing and rattling the handcuffs. “I woke up chained to the bed after the mentally unstable stalker across the hall had broken in here while I was sleeping.”

Her lips twitched, and she covered her mouth with her hand. It didn’t help much as laughter rang out a moment later. “I’m sorry,” she said between giggles. “It’s really not funny, but…damn!”

I blew out a breath and let her get it all out. This town was fucked up, there was no question about it.

“Okay, I’m done now,” Bella finally said, trying to keep a straight face. “He actually picked the lock to my place yesterday. I was angry, too, though he didn’t chain me to the bed.”

Another giggle escaped. “The key and note saying – and this is a direct quote – ‘Fingerapplelovemuffinface needs your assistance’ makes a lot more sense now. But what do I get out of unlocking the handcuffs?”

I groaned. “Not you, too. It’s like a disease in this town. What did I do to you people?”

Bella laughed again. “Nothing. Hey, is the P.S on the note true? Do you sleep naked? And if you do, how does James know?”

“Well, I’m guessing the creepy stalker told the truth and took a look under the sheet before I woke up. Do you want to see, too? In fact, why don’t we invite the whole damn town into my bedroom? No reason for them to get cheated out of seeing the dumbass cuffed to the bed, right? No wonder this fucking town isn’t bigger, if this is how all newcomers get treated. Motherfucking Christ, someone send me the fuck right back to Afghanistan please!” I fell back against the pillows after my rant and closed my eyes.

“You know, you’re as much of a diva as James is,” Bella said calmly after a moment. “If you’re done acting up, I’ll just unlock those cuffs.”

I sighed, ignoring the diva comparison for the moment. Now that I was this close to getting free, I wasn’t about to mess it up. “Thank you.”

“No problem, neighbor,” Bella replied as she leaned in to unlock the handcuffs. She smelled like spring, and I greedily inhaled my favorite season.

When she had freed my wrist, I sat up. The sheet fell down, and I noticed her gaze linger a moment before she looked away. I chuckled. Busted.

She blushed. “Um…I’m gonna…go. We still on for lunch?”

“Yes,” I replied as I started to slowly bend and stretch my leg. My knee had to cooperate quickly because I seriously needed to piss. “I’ll be there after I’ve either shot James or reported him to the police. Not sure what would be best yet.”

“He…” She cleared her throat and averted her gaze. I supposed I could have pulled up the sheet, but it was my bedroom – why should I have to cover anything? “He’s really not as bad as he makes himself out to be. Sure, he’s a giant pain in the ass, but he’d never hurt a fly. Certain words just aren’t in his vocabulary – like privacy, for instance.”

“If you say so. But breaking into people’s homes is illegal,” I pointed out. My knee was not my friend, and I grimaced as I kept moving it. Stupid piece of crap joint.

“I know. Just please don’t do anything before I’ve had a chance to talk to him, okay?” she asked.

I sighed. “Sure.”

“Thank you. See you at lunch. Um, you might want to get dressed for that,” she suggested with a giggle.

I snorted. “Yeah, look who’s talking. I might not be dressed, but I’m in my own bedroom. That’s more than you could say yesterday. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you looked-”

“I wouldn’t finish that sentence if I were you,” she interrupted. “And don’t be late.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I muttered sarcastically and watched Bella turn around to leave before I pulled the sheet around me and slowly stood up. My knee protested when I put weight on it, and I let out some of the more colorful profanities I knew. Feeling like you were ninety sucked. I hobbled into the bathroom as quickly as I could while I cursed the whole morning. Who the hell needed mornings anyway?

I went to the hardware store to buy a deadbolt before lunch. Maybe Bella was right when she said that James was harmless, but no way was he picking my lock again. I even had time to get Charlie’s permission to put it up and actually install it before heading downstairs for my lunch date. Heh. Lunch date. With Bella. I half-expected Jake to start haunting me, even if it wasn’t a romantic kind of date.

When I entered the diner, Bella was already there. She waved me to a booth in the back where she had a table laden with food. Had she invited half the town?

“I was half-afraid I’d have to come unlock you from somewhere,” she greeted me with a teasing grin.

I sat down across from her and smiled wryly. “No need for that anymore. I just installed a deadbolt, so the crazy stalker won’t be picking my lock again.”

“Yeah, I need one of those, too,” she said with a nod. “Much as I love him, I do like my privacy. If I bribe you with all this food, would you install one on my door, too?”

“There’s very little I won’t do for coleslaw,” I admitted, eyeing the burgers with fries and coleslaw.

Bella looked curiously at me. “Jake used to say the same thing.”

“I know. During basic training, we’d go and eat at this little diner just off the base, and it got to the point that they made extra coleslaw on the days when they knew we might be stopping by for a meal. We were quite legendary,” I said, noticing that the more I talked about Jake, the less it hurt.

Bella giggled. “Jake and his food…it was something he took very seriously, wasn’t it? He used to complain in his letters about the food when he was overseas.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Compared to this, what they serve over there is pretty much just slobber. They tell you that it’s chicken stew or tomato soup, but it all just looks and tastes the same.”

“Well, dig in,” she said. “There’s nothing slobbery about my mom’s food. And I went with Jake’s favorites. I thought it was appropriate…”

I smiled at her. We ate in surprisingly comfortable silence for a while. The burger and the coleslaw were heavenly, and I fell a little bit in love with the chocolate milkshake.

“Jake and I used to come here every day after school when we were kids,” Bella said suddenly. “Mom and Dad were both working here, and they liked to be able to keep an eye on us. We’d sit in this booth eating snacks while supposedly doing our homework.”

“Supposedly?” I asked with raised eyebrows. I wasn’t surprised to hear that Jake had been slacking off with the books, but I couldn’t imagine Bella not doing what she was supposed to.

She laughed. “Yeah, we would prop our school books up like we were reading them, but Jake would be planning pranks or reading comics that he’d put inside the book. I’d do the same, only with novels. Jake taught me how to stray from the boring path pretty early.”

I smiled sadly and leaned back in my seat. “One of the things I admired most about Jake was how he was always true to himself. Like if something was boring, he wouldn’t waste his time on it. And if he liked something, he’d pour his whole heart into it.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “Most people only saw Jake for his pranks and jokes, but there was so much more to him. One thing that I try to take with me and use every day is the loyalty he showed his family, his friends, and his country. You can’t ask for more than loyalty, can you?”

I shook my head. “No.”

It was admirable that she cherished the very thing that got him killed. Had he not had such a sense of loyalty to his country, he would have been tending the bar downstairs the day the sniper had shot at our vehicle.

“Will you tell me more about my brother – the soldier?” Bella asked. “In his letters…he always made it sound like everyone was a better soldier than he was, especially you, but he can’t have been that bad, right?”

I looked at her wide-eyed. “I…I’m not going to lie. I’m surprised. I had no idea he was being humble to the point of ridiculous. Bella, he was…he was brave, efficient, loyal…I don’t even have the words. He was the kind of soldier we all secretly wanted to be. I mean, sure, he never saw it as a career, and that’s why I made sergeant and he didn’t. But rank…well, it’s not really important in the grand scheme of things. Being happy and true to yourself is. Jake had something that was far more important. He wasn’t just great in combat, which is something you can learn. He was great in the down periods. He kept our spirits up when we were about to go stir crazy. You can’t learn that, and it’s as important as knowing how to keep your cool in combat. In my eyes, that makes him at least twice the soldier I ever was.”

“Now who’s being humble to the point of ridiculous?” Bella asked after a moment. She smiled softly. “I appreciate what you’re saying about Jake, and in a way I understand why he was being humble, but he did admire you something fierce, Edward. So while I understand the need to be humble, don’t put yourself down to make Jake sound better.”

“I’m not,” I objected. “I’m not putting myself down by acknowledging that Jake had something special. I don’t blame him for not seeing the Army as a career, but had he done so, he could have been the kind of leader that you can only dream of having. It’s a rare quality, and it helped a lot of people around him in keeping the morale up.

“Actually,” I continued slowly, deciding to be completely honest. “You helped him do that.”

“Me? How did I do that?” she asked.

“Your letters. You know that he read them, or at least parts of them, out loud to everyone, right? Well, the way that he talked about you…at least in my mind, you became the epitome of home in many ways, even though I’d never met you. Your words about sometimes mundane stuff that we all take for granted here, but that you cherish the memory of when you’re over there, they just…they kept us afloat. They kept me afloat. In your letters, your belief in Jake never faltered for a second, and I think everyone who heard just a tiny bit of one of your letters borrowed that belief when things got tough. When things got so muddled that we barely knew what we were fighting for, we could at least fight for you. For home.”

Bella was biting her lip, and I really hoped I hadn’t fucked up. Again. A lone tear ran down her cheek, and she quickly brushed it away.

“I…” She cleared her throat. “I had no idea. I mean, I knew he read them out loud, but I thought that was just something you guys did. I just…I just wanted to make Jake smile, that’s all.”

“You did,” I said, smiling. “And in the process you made a lot of other guys smile, too. On behalf of all of us, thank you.”

She shook her head and laughed. “You are full of surprises, Edward ‘Rusty’ Cullen.”

Moving on to lighter subjects while we ate Sue’s awesome cherry pie, Bella told me about the pranks Jake and Emmett had pulled together as kids. Some of them had me howling with laughter, and I wished I had known Jake as a kid. Hell, Emmett, too, because he seemed to be Jake’s twin in spirit.

Sue came over with coffee and sat down for a few minutes.

“How are you finding the apartment, Edward?” she asked me.

“It’s amazing. Thank you so much for offering it to me,” I replied gratefully. “Having my own space, not to mention a decent bed, is beyond amazing. I haven’t been on such good terms with my back in months.”

Sue squeezed my hand and smiled. “I’m glad, dear. Healing is important. Remember that when you’re working, too.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, returning the smile. “But honestly, it’s been fine.”

“All right then. I better get back to the kitchen before Leah burns something. The girl is a great cook when she pays attention, but when she doesn’t…” Sue grimaced and then left.

I sipped my coffee and looked over at Bella, only to find her looking curiously at me. I raised my eyebrows and put my coffee back down on the table. “What?”

“What happened to your back? And your leg?” she asked. “I saw you this morning. Did you get hurt over there? Is that why you’re not in the Army anymore?”

I nodded. “I um, got hurt that day, too. After…there was a roadside bomb. I’m not sure exactly what happened after it went off. I was in a coma and didn’t wake up until I had been transported to Walter Reed. They almost had to amputate my leg because my knee got blown to hell. I also hurt my back, but my knee is the reason that I got discharged.”

“Oh God, I’m so fucking sorry, Edward. I’ve been so wrapped up in Jake’s death that I never even thought about anyone else getting hurt,” she said, covering her eyes briefly. “Are you okay now? Did anyone else get hurt?”

“You worried about what you had to worry about. Don’t feel bad about not carrying anyone else’s load, too,” I said. “Three other guys died. Apart from me, eight were injured. I…I’ve gotten emails from some of them, but I haven’t read them yet. It’s too hard.”

“Twelve other families were affected, just from one…incident. It’s mindboggling,” she said, shaking her head.

I downed my coffee and sighed. Actually, only eleven families had been affected. My family had probably only agreed that it was my own fault and then continued with whatever life they led these days.

I purposely changed the subject, and we ended our overall successful lunch on a lighter note. Bella then went to the hardware store to get a deadbolt for her door, and I installed it before we went to work, where we ganged up on the crazy stalker. It was like we were becoming friends, and I liked it. Jake would have approved, I thought with a smile.

While serving drinks to thirsty people that night, I couldn’t help but wonder if Jake also wouldn’t have gotten a trip out of James. I knew they hadn’t known each other, but the high-strung diva was actually pretty hilarious when he didn’t chain you to your bed, and Jake would have been howling with laughter at him.

Work had already become so much of a routine that I could let my thoughts fly while I did it. I only had to plaster on a smile for the customers, and then I could switch to automatic mode. Like I had told Bella, I still had some unopened emails in my inbox that I needed to find the courage to look at. I hadn’t told her about the one from Jake. I wasn’t sure why, but even though I knew it wasn’t an email filled with heartfelt words, it was still the last thing Jake would ever tell me, and it was just too personal to share with anyone. I also still had to deal with Jasper. I had a feeling he’d be trying to contact me again. And I needed to go back to the cemetery. I had a lot of fucking issues I needed to deal with.

But was there really any hurry? Despite all the crap I needed to deal with, I was more content than I had been in a really long time. I had a job that I didn’t hate, I had a place to live, and if you didn’t count Handcuff Dude and the Rosalie the Ice Queen, there were a lot of really nice people in this town. Most of the customers at the bar were really nice and talkative without being nosy. I liked that.

I could almost hear Jake say “I told you so,” but had he been there, I would have readily admitted to him that there was a certain charm to small town life. And to his credit, when he had been singing Forks’ praises, he hadn’t known about James.

Charlie had been pitching in while Bella and James took their break. When they came back, he moved to the other side of the counter and sat down.

“Getting another perspective?” I asked him with a smile.

He chuckled. “That and I felt like sitting down. Pour me a whiskey, son.”

I got the man his drink, and the next time I came back to his end of the bar, he had been joined by Emmett.

“Hey, Emmett. What can I get you?” I asked. I liked him – especially when he didn’t bring the Ice Queen, who had yet to stop looking at me like I had killed her puppy.

“Eddie, my man! How’s it hanging? I’ll have a pint of Guinness. Charlie put it on tap just for me – or at least that’s what I tell myself,” he said, grinning.

Charlie laughed, and I heard them start talking about hunting while I got Emmett his beer.

“Hey, Edward. Do you hunt by any chance?” Charlie asked me. “Or have you had enough of firearms?”

“Can’t say that I do, but I was considering it this morning, actually,” I replied. “I figured it might be a good area to try it out.”

“It is,” Charlie replied with a nod. “Emmett and I go a lot. Jake wasn’t much of a fan. He had too much trouble keeping his mouth shut. We only ever took him hunting once. I hope he was different in the Army.”

I chuckled. “Most of the time.”

Emmet laughed, and Charlie snorted. “That’s our boy.”

“If you’re better than Jake at shutting up for five minutes at a time, you should come with us,” Emmett said to me.

“I’d like that,” I said. “Thanks.”

Between customers, I listened in on their conversation about where they were planning to go hunting. My admiration for Charlie Swan seemed to grow every day. I had never met a man who so naturally took people in. I didn’t know if Emmett didn’t have a dad, or just was as blessed in that department as I was, but everything suggested that he looked at Charlie as a father figure. Charlie also appeared to be a man of importance in James’ life, and he had accepted me into his life without hesitation. Bella was lucky, and Jake had been too. There was no question about it.

Just before closing time, James came over and presented me with a cupcake. He was grinning like an idiot, and I stared at him like he was one, too.

“A cupcake for the cupcake,” he said, holding the treat out toward me. “I’m sorry about picking your lock this morning. I promise I won’t publish the photos on the internet. I may just print one and hang it over my bed. That would be okay, right?”

“No, that would definitely not be okay!” I told him, rolling my eyes.

“Well, boo,” he said with a pout. “You really are no fun, pickle pie.”

“You’re lucky I haven’t reported you to the police,” I said and started to wipe the counter.

“Hm…I’m not sure I’d say that I’m lucky. There’s a deputy with a gorgeous ass that I wouldn’t mind handcuffing me,” he said thoughtfully. “Anyway, please, please, please accept my apology. You’ll break my heart if you don’t. You don’t want to cause such a tragedy to happen do you, poo bear? Here, take the cupcake. It’s for you!”

I looked at it. “Did you poison it?”

“No! How can you even ask that? I may look at your naked junk while you sleep, but I don’t go around poisoning people. What do you take me for?” he asked, wide-eyed.

I snorted. “You don’t want to know.”

“Hmpf. Please accept the cupcake and my sincere promise that I will never pick the lock to your apartment again,” he begged.

I didn’t trust the guy as far as I could kick him with my bad leg. “Keep the cupcake, man. I already know you won’t pick my lock again. I’ve got a deadbolt, and I sure as hell am going to be using it.”

“A deadbolt? You’ll be keeping out little old me with a deadbolt?” he asked and clutched his chest. “My heart just broke. I hope you’re happy now.”

I rolled my eyes and got back to work. The guy was insane. Entertaining, but insane. I heard him wail to Bella about how I was being cruel because I’d gotten a deadbolt. I couldn’t wait for him to find out that she had gotten one, too.