Chapter 20

“No.” I crossed my arms and glared. 

“But why not? You have an extra room that’s going to sit empty anyway.” James mirrored my stance. 

“No.” 

“Come on, Indian princess.” His lips pulled into a pout. “It would be so much fun. We could have slumber parties, movie marathons, and I’ll even give the Greek God a break from having to run out for your midnight cravings. Baby Cullen deserves whatever she desires, and since I’m the best Auntie in the world, I’ll make sure she gets it.”

I sighed. “James…don’t you have your own apartment?”

“Please?”

“You know what? If you can talk Edward into letting you live here, then I don’t care.” 

James squealed, clapping his hands. “Where is that delicious piece of man meat?” he asked, darting his eyes around the room. “Oh, Cuddle Bug!”

James left out the front door in search of my husband. I knew when the Diva caught up with Edward, he was going to be pissed. Oh, well. It served him right. In his quest to drive me insane, he’d insisted I only unpack the boxes with lightweight items. He was taking the pregnant women can’t lift anything heavy idea a bit too far. I was pregnant, not an invalid. Having James bug him about living with us was my payback for him being an ass. 

Mike had really done a great job with the renovation, and he was quick, too. Instead of two identical one bedroom apartments with a living room, bathroom, and kitchen each, he’d transformed them into a large three bedroom with an open floor plan. There were also two bathrooms—one in between the two smaller bedrooms and one in the master bedroom. I smiled, loving how the place had turned out.

I reached down and rubbed my stomach. Since Edward and I had told my family we were expecting, I had started to get excited about his or her arrival. It was hard not to with the way the family seemed to burst with joy every time I saw them. I was going to be someone’s mother, and that thought terrified and thrilled me at the same time. 

I had extremely large shoes to fill. Growing up, I had the best mother any child could ever have. She was always there when Jake or I needed her, and neither of us ever questioned her love for us. It radiated off of her. My mother had taught me everything I needed to know about how to be a wonderful mother by example. I was afraid, though, with me being me…I’d screw it up somehow. 

Edward didn’t seem to share my fear. He’d had a set of crappy parents, and to make up for his lack of knowledge of fatherhood, he had begun to ask advice from my dad about how to be a good father. It was cute and made me love the man even more. Because he was willing to go against his manly pride to become the kind of father our child needed. He also started reading all the books I’d bought in Port Angeles and had even bought a few for himself. He said it was so he could learn everything there was to know about pregnancy. No woman was luckier than I in the husband department, and I tried to be understanding of his misplaced protectiveness. 

Well, that is until Edward starts making me nuts. Like today…for example. Oh, I hope James is being his usual over-the-top self. 

“Go home,” I heard Edward say. 

“But, sweet cheeks, you won’t even know I’m here most of the time.” I watched as James followed Edward into the room. 

“I highly doubt it. Besides, I’m still scarred from seeing you naked the last time. I don’t need you ‘airing out your junk’ in my home,” he said, using air quotes. 

“Well.” James bit his lip. “You do win the who is bigger game, but I’m sure you’d be screaming my name if you gave me a chance.”

Edward covered his ears and began singing, “La la la la la!”

“Knock it off, you Chihuahua.” I shook my head, having had enough. “In case the bun in my oven wasn’t obvious, he’s quite partial to the pussy. There was never a contest James…you lose by default.”

I looked over at Edward, and his mouth was hanging open. 

“What?” I looked at him and shrugged. 

“Not if you were the last human alive, James,” he said with a shudder. 

“You know, if you spent less time flirting with each other, and more time moving boxes, we’d be finished by now.” I pointed at the two of them.

“Well, if my wife hadn’t told Chatty Cathy she was okay with him moving in if I said yes, I wouldn’t have to keep stopping to tell him no. Instead, I’m about to bury our neighbor deep in the woods. So, the constant breaks, my dear, are your fault.” Edward narrowed his eyes at me. 

“Oh, get over it. I could be carrying boxes, too, but I’m apparently crippled. So suck it up.” 

Edward walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. His sexy soldier voodoo made it hard to stay mad at him…and believe me, I tried. He kissed me on the nose and then left the room. Ugh. I was powerless to his charms. 

Between James and Edward, they were able to move most of our things into the apartment that morning. There were only a couple of items we needed to get from Mom and Dad’s, and then we were officially moved in. I was ready to live with Edward, even if he acted like an idiot at times. 

~.~.~.~

Jessica and Rose were laughing so hard, they were about to fall off out of the booth. Leah, who was sitting next to me, had buried her face into the table, shaking with mirth. I’d shared the story about telling James he could move in if Edward said yes, and they were enjoying his reaction. We were having lunch at Upstairs, and it was nice to spend time with the women I considered my closest friends. It didn’t hurt we were having fun while we trashed our men and retold all of the stupid things they had done.  

“Oh god, Bella. That is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. I would have loved to have seen Edward’s face when James said that.” Jessica had tears streaming down her face, she was laughing so hard. 

“It was priceless.” I giggled. “Besides, Mom taught me that all is fair in love and war. And payback’s a bitch.”

“I love your mom.” Rose sighed, clutching her stomach. “I need to get some pointers on how to deal with Emmett.”

“What has the giant ape done this time?” Leah asked, still recovering from my story. 

“I feel like a bitch for letting it get to me, but I can’t take much more. He won’t…um…clean up after himself,” Rose whispered, cupping her hand over the side of her face. 

Leah, Jessica, and I leaned in closer. 

“What do you mean he won’t clean up? Is he using the floor as his laundry basket and leaving his dirty dishes in the sink?” Jessica cocked her head to the side. 

“Oh no, it’s nothing like that. I could handle some socks lying around and dirty plates. No, he…um…uh…has a problem with his aim.” Rose’s cheeks flamed a bright scarlet. 

“Ouch.” I winced, shifting in my seat. “I’d kill Edward if he missed my hole, if you know what I mean.”

Rose covered her face. “No, I mean when he pees, not everything goes into the toilet.”

The three of us laughed hard as Rose’s face became a lovely shade of fuchsia. I heard a throat clear, and we turned our head toward the noise. My mother was standing in front of our table. 

“Oh, that’s easy. Just tell him until his aim in the bathroom improves, you’re cutting him off. I promise, he’ll either figure it out quickly, or he’ll start wiping it up himself. You gotta train them early, otherwise, you’ll be bald by the time you’re my age.” A teasing smile graced Mom’s lips. 

“Okay, Aunt of mine, maybe you can help me out.” Leah looked down. “I think I’m in love with Jasper, but when I told him, he freaked out. What do I do about that?”

I was a little shocked by Leah’s confession and wondered if that was what had upset her at Thanksgiving.  She had been hostile to everyone and even more so toward Edward. I could understand her ire, since my husband was Jasper’s friend…or had been at one time. 

Sue motioned for Jess and Rose to scoot over and sat down next to Leah. She grabbed her hand and squeezed it. 

“Oh, honey. That’s awful. Tell me what happened.” Mom rubbed Leah’s hand. 

Leah began telling us how he’d taken her to Seattle to spend a couple of days together. They’d had a wonderful time, and Leah said she’d never felt so loved. So, going with the enchantment of what she had called “the perfect moment,” she told him how she felt. Jasper had flipped out and began telling her she was wrong; there was no way she could love him. Leah ended up leaving Seattle with her heart broken.

“That bastard!” I smacked the table with my palm. “I’ll have his balls for hurting you.”

“I don’t know Jasper that well, but from what I’ve heard so far, you’re better off without him,” Jessica said in a soothing voice. 

“I’m with Bella.” Rose nodded. “I knew he was bad news.”

“I love you guys, but I don’t think it’d help anything. I guess I’m just unlovable.” Leah hung her head.

“Oh hell no. You are one of the coolest chicks I know. Maybe we should make a trip to Seattle.” Jessica patted Leah’s shoulder. 

“Men are pond scum,” I said, and the girls nodded their heads. 

A squeaking sound made us turn toward the left. Standing off to the side was my husband, looking like he wanted to escape. If I wasn’t so pissed off at his former friend, I would have found him cute. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Edward’s voice cracked. 

“What?” Leah furrowed her brow. 

“I was coming to see if Bella was ready for her doctor’s appointment…but never mind. I’m sure we can reschedule. Or something.” He spoke so fast, I almost didn’t catch what he’d said. 

I huffed. “Ugh. It’s all your fault I have to go. You and your stupid super sperm got me into this mess.”

“I love you?” It came out as a question. 

Just as Jessica was about to lay into Edward, Mom raised her hand, stopping my friend’s tirade. “Girls.” Sue shook her head at us. “Leave the poor boy alone. He’s not the reason you’re mad, and besides, Rusty’s one of the good guys. Aren’t you, dear?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Edward’s head moved up and down quickly. 

Sue glared at him, and he cleared his throat. 

“Um…I mean Mom.” He gave her a wide grin. 

“That’s better,” Mom said, smiling. “Like I said, train them early, and you’ll have no problems later on.”

We chuckled while Edward had a perplexed look on his face. Silly boy. He wasn’t aware that his training had already begun. 

“Let’s let Bella and Edward get to their appointment…and Leah,” she said, pointing to my cousin. “Come with me, dear. We have some things to discuss.”

I left the table and went over to Edward, taking his hand and walking out the door. He followed behind me until we reached his car. I swatted his hands away when he tried to help me in, and he sighed, getting in and staring the car. He didn’t try to talk again until we were almost to the doctor’s office. 

“Um, what was that back there?” Edward kept his eyes in front of him. 

“Jasper’s an ass.” The words came out in a hiss. 

“I knew that. What did he do to incur your wrath this time?”

“Did you know he had Leah come up to Seattle, gave her a spectacular weekend, and then flipped out when she told him she loved him? Ugh.” I flopped back in the seat. 

I watched as he narrowed his eyes. “I thought they were getting along okay.”

“Yeah, so did I. Then Leah tells me your friend…ex-friend…damn it. You know what I mean—gives her crap about it. You’re a guy. So tell me…why are you all stupid?”

Edward cleared his throat and pouted. “I thought I was doing pretty well.”

I patted in hand. “You’re getting there.”

He laughed, and the sound made my heart flutter. I loved to hear my husband happy. It made me feel like I could help him deal with the things his family had done to him. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be the shoulder to cry on, the secret keeper, and the warm embrace my significant other needed. That fact scared me, because I wasn’t sure if I was good enough to do it. I’d decided I was going to try, anyway, and be the best wife for the man who had come into my life and turned everything upside down. He was responsible for changing me from a bitter harpy to someone who was willing to love without fear. 

~.~.~.~

“Miss Swan?”

“Um, here,” I answered the nurse. 

I stood up to follow her through the door leading to the exam rooms, and Edward was next to me. He held my hand as we passed the threshold with a scowl on his face. My brow furrowed in confusion, wondering what had upset him. Since he’d found out about the appointment, he’d been nothing but excited to go with me. The way he was acting at the moment made me question whether or not he’d changed his mind about BC, and that thought scared me. 

“All right. Let’s check your weight.” The blonde nurse waved toward the scales. 

She asked question after question as she weighed me and then led us to a room. I tried to answer them as best I could, while Edward sat down in one of the chairs by the table with the same expression on his face. His behavior was beginning to piss me off. 

“What’s your problem?” I asked once the nurse left the room. “If I remember correctly, you wanted this just as much as I did. Are you having second thoughts?”

Edward’s head snapped toward mine, and I steeled myself for his answer. I knew if he regretted our child, it was going to break me. I would be strong, because BC deserved one of his or her parents’ love, and I was going to do everything in my power to provide it. 

“What? No!” Edward shot up out of the chair. 

“Then what the hell?” I glared at him. “Since we’ve been back here, you’ve acted like someone killed your pet hamster or something.”

“They called you ‘Miss Swan’ and that’s not your name anymore. You’re a Cullen now, and they should use your married name.” He walked over and stood in front of me. 

“Are you kidding me?” I backhanded him, hitting his chest. “You have me all worried you’re going to flake on me, and you’re freaking out over a name?”

“So, are you telling me you’re going to go by Swan, then?” he asked with a pout, pressing his forehead to mine. 

“Um, no, jackass. It’s my first appointment, and when I made it, my last name was Swan. I haven’t had a chance to change it.” I pecked his lips. 

“Oh.” He pulled back and looked ashamed. 

I lay back, closing my eyes. There were too many witnesses in the doctor’s office, so I couldn’t kill my husband just yet. We really needed to work on the communication thing, or I was going to end up a widow. Not to mention, BC would end up fatherless. 

The doctor chose that moment to walk in, and Edward took a couple of steps back. Dr. Richardson was a statuesque woman who looked to be in her forties. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled up into a bun on top of her head, and under her white coat, she had on some type of suit. She had an air of confidence about her, and I liked her immediately. Truthfully, I was glad the doctor I’d been set up with was a woman. The men in my life were idiots, and I didn’t need another moron in charge of my child’s care in the womb. 

“So, this is your first appointment?” Dr. Richardson peered at me over my file. “Now, we usually take a urine sample, do an internal exam, and then perform a sonogram. There’s a restroom at the end of this hall, and if you’ll go ahead and give us a sample, we can get started on the rest. The sterile cups are already in there, and you can place it in the metal door located inside.” 

Oh, goodie. I get to do this again. Ugh. 

The same nurse met me in the hall after I left the room. She gave me the same instructions before I entered, making me feel like they thought I was mentally challenged. 

I amend my statement about women. Apparently everyone in this world is stupid but me. It’s going to be a long nine months. 

Once I was finished, I went back to the room and hopped on the table. Edward still sat in his chair, but he was fidgeting. I looked over at him, raising my eyebrow. 

“Do you want me to stay? I mean…I can leave if you aren’t comfortable with me being in here.” He slid to the edge of the chair. 

My silly soldier man. Like I’m going to let you leave. 

“Of course I want you in here,” I said with a smile. 

He let out a breath and grinned as the nurse came back in, telling me I had to put on a gown. I knew it was coming, but Edward looked confused. She left to let me change. 

“Um,” Edward stared, turning red in the face and rubbing the back of his neck. 

I chuckled as I began to undress. “It’s okay. You can turn around if you want.”

He rolled his eyes. “Want some help?”

“Please tell me you’re kidding.” I slid my arms through the gown’s sleeves. “We’re in a doctor’s office, and the doc is about to check out my hooha. Now is not the time for you to seduce me.”

“Admit it. It would have been fun,” Edward said with a wink. 

“You’re impossible.” I sighed and leaned back. 

I covered my lower half with one of those paper sheets and ignored Edward. A few minutes later, Kate, my doctor, came back in. She still had a perma grin on her face as she looked at us and saw Edward had decided to stand next to me and hold my hand. 

The internal exam was just as I expected. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing. Even more so because when she began inserting things into me, Edward looked like he wanted to punch the doc. I had to calm him down by telling him I was okay. Dr. Kate just laughed and told him he wasn’t the first Daddy to threaten her life when she performed the procedure. I, on the other hand, wanted to crawl into a hole and die when he gave her a dirty look. 

She brought over a machine on wheels when she was finished poking my insides. It had a strange wand thing attached to it. The doctor explained it had to be inserted to do the sonogram since I was still in the early stages of my pregnancy. 

“Of course it does.” Edward glared at the transducer. “You people just like sticking things up my wife.”

I was sure he hadn’t meant for me to hear those words, but I choked when I did. Looking over at Edward, I begged him with my eyes to behave. I could see he was trying to control the urge to take out the staff. It was nice to know he was protective of me and BC, but his caveman mentality was going to get him sent to prison. Conjugal visits didn’t appeal to me, so I began rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand, hoping the action would help calm him. He really needed to chill the fuck out. 

Edward had his eyes on me as the doctor prepared the wand, covering it in goo. His gaze never left mine as she pushed it in, but when I winced at one point, his lips pressed into a firm line, showing his displeasure toward my discomfort. 

While one of the doc’s hands held onto the wand, the other began fiddling with the sonogram machine. A loud, whooshing sound filled the room. It got both Edward’s and my attention, causing us to look at Dr. Kate. She chuckled. 

“That sound would be your baby. The heartbeat is strong and healthy, which is good.” 

Tears gathered in my eyes, and I was overcome with emotion. I looked up at Edward, seeing he was overwhelmed, as well. For the first time since I’d found out I was pregnant, it became real. I’d thought I loved the creature that had taken up residence in my uterus before, but I was wrong. At that moment, the love I had for BC was incomprehensible.

“If you look right there,” Dr. Richardson said, pointing to a small, peanut shaped blob on the screen. “You can see your baby.”

Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Thank you.”

“What for?” 

“For loving me, marrying me, giving me a child, and making me the happiest man alive,” he muttered into my hair. 

And just like that, all of the irritation I’d felt toward Edward earlier vanished. It was hard to stay mad at him when he was being that sweet. 

“I had help, you know,” I joked. 

He chuckled. 

“Everything looks good,” the doctor said, removing the wand. “From the measurements I’ve taken, I’d say you’re about eight weeks along. Congratulations, you two.”

~.~.~.~

We left the office not long after, stopping on the way out to make an appointment for next month and change my name. Edward was fucking beaming when I did it, and even though I’d given him a hard time about it, it made me happy, too. 

“You know we have to give one of these to Mom,” I said as we drove back toward our apartment.

Edward looked over at me. “Of course. I wouldn’t want to deprive your mother of the first picture of her grandchild.”

I laughed. I was glad the doc was smart enough to give me more than one sonogram picture. My mother was going to demand one of them, because she had been waiting for a grandchild a long time. Since it had finally happened, she was going to be over the top about it. 

“Smart move.” I smiled at him. “She wouldn’t think twice about kicking your ass to get it.”

He laughed loudly. 

We arrived at our home, and Edward helped me get out of the car. It was a few hours before our shift at the bar started, so we decided to lounge around until then. There hadn’t been many chances for us to spend time together alone, and we were going to take full advantage of the opportunity. 

Edward and I sat down on the couch, and I put my feet on his lap. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we looked down at the sonogram pictures spread out on my thighs. 

“BC is so tiny,” Edward ran his finger over the small image of our baby. 

“I know.” 

“I’m going to fuck this up,” Edward admitted, leaning back and running his hand over his face. I moved the pictures to the coffee table in front of us and turned toward my husband. 

“What?” I was confused by the change in his mood. 

“I have no idea how to be a good father. Your dad has been giving me advice, but I didn’t have the best example growing up. Not to mention, it’s their blood running through my veins. I’m not going to be able to escape my crappy genes.” Edward let out a frustrated growl and placed his head in his hands. 

“Edward?” I shook his shoulder. 

“And I’ve never been around babies. Newborns scare the hell out of me. They’re so fragile, and I’ll probably break him or her.” Edward lifted his head and stared at me. 

Shit. 

He was right. Newborns were very fragile; I’d never been around one either. My experience with babies was nonexistent, and I had no idea how to care for one. Didn’t people say that most books about child rearing were nothing but crap? I started to hyperventilate. 

Oh god, it wasn’t going to be Edward who was going to screw up our kid. Its incompetent mother was going to drop them or something. I just knew it. 

“Are you okay?” Edward asked, noticing my panic attack. 

“We are going to mess up our kid.” My voice rose with each word. “I mean…you’re right. We have no experience, and even if he or she makes it out alive despite our incompetence, there are therapy bills we will be looking at. We haven’t exactly surrounded ourselves with the sanest people on the planet.”

“Bella—” Edward’s eyes went wide. 

“Oh God, Edward!” I cried, gripping his arm. “BC will grow up to hate us.”

“Fuck,” Edward muttered, running his hand through his hair. 

I was sobbing and picturing how fucked up our lives would be. 

“Bella, I’m sorry for upsetting you. I’m completely stupid and was just voicing my fears. We’re going to be fine, and you’ll be a wonderful mother.”

I cried harder. 

“Please don’t cry, baby. It kills me when I see your tears. Tell me how to make it better,” Edward said in a panicked voice. “You can hit me if it’ll make you stop. In fact, I want you to punch me for making you cry.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” I let out a loud wail. 

I flopped myself onto his chest, soaking his shirt with my tears. He began rubbing my back in an up and down motion while speaking words of encouragement. They didn’t help, though. 

A knock on the door made Edward pause his movements. 

“Let me go get rid of whoever it is,” Edward whispered, releasing me. 

I let him go and curled up on the couch, continuing to cry. I didn’t know why I was so upset over Edward’s confession, but I was. In a way, I was sure it was because he had voiced the fears I’d tried very hard to ignore.  I had focused on the pregnancy part, not focusing on the fact a person I was going to have to care for would be the end result. 

“What’s going on?” my mother asked, concern clear in her voice. 

“I, um, shit,” Edward stammered, looking at my mother with pleading eyes. 

“I’m going to be a horrible mother!” I sobbed even harder. 

Mom walked over and sat down beside me, gathering me in her arms. Edward took the opposite side and placed his hand on my back. She rocked and shushed me until I composed myself. 

“Will someone please explain why my baby girl is all upset?” Mom looked over at Edward with concern on her face. 

“Um, well, I might have said something about how I thought I’d screw our kid up.” Edward winced. “Then she started crying.”

Mom blew out a breath and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me closer. 

“Charlie needs some help with counting the inventory. Maybe you should go help him.” she asked, smiling at Edward as she rubbed my back. 

“Yes, Mom.” Edward had his mouth opened wide.  

Edward pressed his lips to the back of my head and then headed out the door. 

“There. There. Every mother worries about not being good enough.” She smoothed my hair back. “But you’re going to be fine.”

“But—” 

She sighed. “I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone. I hope that by hearing my mistakes it’ll show you no one is perfect, but that doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person.”

I leaned away from her embrace, waiting for her to continue. 

“The first week after Jake was born was so stressful. I was so tired, and your dad was practically killing himself by managing the diner and bar, while trying to help me out with your brother. It got so bad, I had to put my foot down. I told him we’d be fine, and he needed to sleep at night, instead of getting up with him every time he cried.

“One night, after your father finally gave up and listened to me, I heard Jake and knew it was time to feed him. I went downstairs and fixed him a bottle. Bella, I was exhausted. I didn’t realized I’d put orange juice in the bottle, until I almost gave it to him. I felt so horrible, and I cried for days over it. Of course, Charlie never knew what had happened, because I never told him. I just ran back downstairs after I saw what I’d done and made a new one. My point is, Bella, even the best of us muck things up. You just have to learn from your mistakes and keep going.”  

Hearing my mother’s story did make me feel better. I had always pictured her as the perfect example of what a mom should be, and realizing she wasn’t helped me see I didn’t need to be that way either. 

“Thanks, Mom. That does make me feel better.” I wiped my cheeks. 

“I’m glad. However, you ever tell your father I’m not perfect…” she said with a laugh, letting the sentence trail off. 

“Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.” I chuckled. 

“Besides, do you really think I’ll let you mess up my grandchild?” 

“No, I don’t think you will.” I sighed.  

“I think I’m gonna go check on Edward and your father. I love that boy, but he’s about as smooth as Charlie sometimes. I know he means well…he just needs to learn how to not put his foot in his mouth all the time.”

I nodded my head. 

“Come on. Let’s go see what they’re up to. He’s probably mentally flogging himself for upsetting you if he’s anything like your father.” 

“Well, I don’t think I could have done any better than finding a man like Daddy.” 

Mom smiled at me. “Yep, even though that man drives me nuts, he’s one of the best men I know.”

And she was right. Edward, at times, reminded me of my dad in a small way. He was the type of guy who would do anything for his family. I decided BC would be hard pressed to find a better father than Edward.

Chapter 20 Teaser

“Go home,” I heard Edward say.

“But, sweet cheeks, you won’t even know I’m here most of the time.” I watched as James followed Edward into the room.

“I highly doubt it. Besides, I’m still scarred from seeing you naked the last time. I don’t need you ‘airing out your junk’ in my home,” he said, using air quotes.

“Well.” James bit his lip. “You do win the who is bigger game, but I’m sure you’d be screaming my name if you gave me a chance.”

Edward covered his ears and began singing, “La la la la la!”

“Knock it off, you Chihuahua.” I shook my head, having had enough. “In case the bun in my oven wasn’t obvious, he’s quite partial to the pussy. There was never a contest James…you lose by default.”

Chapter 19

“Dude, do you realize you just managed to say my wife four times in one sentence? That shouldn’t even be possible. Besides, we get it. She’s your wife. You’re married. You got hitched. She’s stuck with you forever. The concept isn’t that foreign to us, although it’s been six whole weeks since we went through the experience ourselves,” Emmett said, rolling his eyes.

“Seven,” Rose interjected.

“What?” Emmet asked, turning his head to look at her.

“It’s been seven weeks since we got married,” she replied, narrowing her eyes a little.

“Oh. Well, time flies when you’re having fun,” Emmett said, chuckling, before he turned back to look at me. “Anyway. My point is that we got it the first time you told us. And if we hadn’t, I’m sure the bigass banner above the bar, the notification in the mail, the emails, the four million texts, or the ad in the newspaper would have tipped us off. Speaking of which, does James even know that he wasn’t the one getting married? He acts like he doesn’t know.”

I grimaced. I was doing my best to avoid James these days. Whenever he saw Bella or me, he attacked us with a million new ideas for the reception. The crazy bastard even carried around a binder everywhere he went for all his shit. I was a little afraid.

“Please don’t say his name out loud,” I begged. “He might come running with more insane suggestions. By now he might have recovered from the tongue lashing Bella gave him when he suggested that we have a Disney themed reception. She didn’t take it well when he said he wanted to dress her up as some princess in a dress that contained about half a mile of that stuff that makes dresses all poofy.”

Rose snorted and then blushed, hiding her face in her hands for a moment. “What I meant to say was that Bella would kill James before he even got near her with the tulle,” she said. “Did you know that for Emmett’s and my wedding, James suggested a pirate theme because he thinks Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp look hot as pirates?”

“I’m not surprised,” I replied. “He’s presented us with a million ideas for the reception so far, and they keep getting crazier. Cruise ship, a disco theme, ice sculptures, a luau – hell, he even wanted me to wear tights for some renaissance-theme thing. Plus, with the time the planning takes, the actual reception won’t be until sometime next decade.”

Rose and Emmett’s attempt not to laugh was interrupted by a piercing scream. I was instantly on high alert, but it didn’t take me many seconds to realize that the high-pitched scream didn’t come from Bella. The reception planner extraordinaire was balancing on a stool, letting out sounds that probably made more sense to dogs than to humans.

“If you don’t shut up right now and tell us what’s wrong, I’ll get Edward to do a soldier-ninja trick or whatever that will result in your neck being broken,” Bella warned after asking him three times what was wrong without receiving an answer.

My wife was fucking awesome. She wasn’t the most patient person, and pregnant she was even more impatient. This was great when it was James getting chewed out, but not so much when it was my ass dragging.

“I saw a…ewwww! And it was big and…and…and…hairy!” he screeched, waving his arms around so much that he nearly fell off the stool.

“If you don’t wanna see it, then stay out of my pants,” Emmett hollered.

I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t laugh. Rose smacked him, and Bella sent him a glare that could have marked the beginning of a new ice age. James’ eyes glazed over for a second, and we all rolled our eyes. Then he started screaming again – at least until Bella punched him in the arm. Most awesome wife ever.

“It was a mouse!” he exclaimed. “Please, please, please, someone kill it! It’s right over there under that table. It’s looking at me!”

“That’s not a mouse,” Rose said, getting up.

She went over to the table James had pointed at and picked up the alleged mouse. James screamed again.

“It’s a rabbit foot,” she said. “You know, for good luck.”

James gaped before turning a bright shade of red. He muttered something while the rest of us laughed. I vowed to get him his very own rabbit foot for Christmas. Or ten.

The rest of the night was enjoyable. Not just because James was uncharacteristically quiet, but also because I loved it when Emmett and Rose were at the bar. There was a lot of wedding talk for obvious reasons. Their wedding had been great, but I didn’t regret how Bella and I had done things. More importantly, I knew that she didn’t regret it either. Low key, out of order – whatever. We were married, happy, and expecting a child. I was a husband, and soon I’d be a father. It was mindboggling, but at the same time I was genuinely happy. I was nervous about being good enough, but not afraid. When it came to being a husband and a father, I had the best role model I could have ever asked for in Charlie. Being a better father than my own would be easy, and I would strive to be as good as Charlie.

There was only one thing I needed to correct about the out of order way Bella and I had gone about everything. I needed to officially live with my wife. That wasn’t too much to ask, right? I didn’t know what she wanted, and I didn’t care where we lived as long as it was together. One of our apartments would even do if it wasn’t for the fact that we would run out of room as soon as the baby arrived. I had money for a house if that was what we decided. Not only had I only spent a minimal amount of money on myself every month since I’d joined the army, but I had also received a significant inheritance. My grandfather had died when I was fourteen, and the money he had left Alice and me had been invested and put away until we turned twenty-one. I hadn’t spent any of it yet.

When I asked Bella about our living situation the following morning, she looked pensive. “Is it weird that I don’t feel ready to leave this place yet? I mean, I know that we will need – and want – a house eventually when we get the million kids your stupid super sperm will make sure that we’ll have, but right now…I don’t know. Can’t we stay here?”

“We both have one bedroom apartments, baby. There isn’t enough room,” I said, deciding not to comment on the stupid super sperm. “Well…unless…maybe it’s possible to knock down a wall between our apartments and do some remodeling. I don’t know. But we could check it out. We’ll need your dad’s permission, of course.”

“We can ask him about it,” she suggested, eagerly. “I’m sure he won’t mind, and he did most of the work himself on Upstairs and Downstairs. Even if that was a long time ago, he still knows what he’s talking about. And Mike can get the job. He owns his own construction company, you know. He owes me for making me go to prom with him.”

“What? You went to prom with Mike Newton? I’m not sure I like that,” I said.

Bella snorted. “Don’t worry, I didn’t like it either. For Jessica’s sake, I hope he’s a bit livelier now, because back then he was the most boring date in the world. He spent the whole night sitting on his ass drinking spiked punch.”

“You’ll get no sympathy from me, especially when the alternative is that he could have had his hands all over you the entire night.”

She laughed. “You’re adorable when you’re jealous – even if you have absolutely no reason to be.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about being adorable, but I supposed I could live with it. I suggested we go down to talk to Charlie about the apartments, and a few hours later everything was planned out in detail. Mike was starting the work the following day – either knowing that he owed Bella or just feeling the financial crisis and not having anything else lined up. Bella and I were going to stay with Sue and Charlie for a while. James got the offer, too, so he wouldn’t be bothered by the workers and the noise, but he claimed that he wasn’t going anywhere. He had gotten into his head that all construction workers were sweaty, worked without a shirt, and looked like models. I just hoped that he didn’t scare them away before they’d finished the job.

Charlie and I got into a debate about who was paying for it all. I figured that since it was Bella and me who wanted the remodeling done, I should be paying, but he insisted that he should be the one to do it since it was his building. He told me to look at it as a wedding present. When I still protested, he threatened to get Sue involved in the discussion. The man played seriously dirty because no one ever got what they wanted if Sue wanted something different. And he was confident that she would side with him.

***

I smiled at Renee as I served her martini. I was getting good at remembering the regulars’ usual drink choices, but Renee never ordered the same thing. Grabbing some empty glasses from the counter, I spotted Bella bending down to get a large box of napkins. I knew from experience that they were heavy as hell, so I instantly freaked and rushed over to her.

“No lifting,” I reminded her.

She stood back up and rolled her eyes at me. “Why is it you think that I would deliberately endanger our child?”

“I don’t think that,” I defended myself. “But maybe you forgot? Or something…”

“Forgot that I was pregnant??” She snorted. “Right. Because between you freaking, my mom fussing, and James squealing, I have tons of time to forget. And that’s not even counting the morning sickness, or the fact that I am as excited about this kid as you are. Try again, soldier boy.”

“Um…” She had an annoyingly good point.

She smirked. “Yeah, I thought so. Besides, the box is empty.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” She took a step closer to me and hooked a finger in my jeans pocket. “It was adorable the first couple of times, but BC won’t be here for months, so please cool it before we both go insane. The next time you see me lifting something, you can safely assume that it’s not something heavy. I have absolutely no problems making all you manly men my bitches for the manual labor.”

“But it’s my job to worry and freak out,” I objected. “You carry BC, and I freak. That’s the deal. What else am I going to do?”

She giggled and shook her head. “You got that all wrong. Your job is to go out at two in the morning when I get weird cravings, to rub my feet, and to tell me I’m pretty when I look like a whale with cankles.”

“Should I be taking notes?” I asked.

“Nah, I’ll remind you,” she assured me.

“You forgot one very important thing, though,” I told her, leaning down to kiss her even though I probably shouldn’t since we were working. “At all times, I need to be loving you. If I don’t, then nothing matters.”

“Sap,” she said with a slight sniffle before reaching up on her toes to give me a kiss.

It became clear that we had taken the kiss a bit too far when James started yelling that tickets to the show cost ten bucks. Bella threw the empty box at him and disappeared into the office, leaving me alone with the diva, who felt the overwhelming need to tell me that he had taken up knitting to prepare for Baby Cullen. It was actually sweet of him, but when he told me that he was knitting pink dresses for my son, it stopped being sweet.

“My son won’t be wearing dresses,” I told him.

“No, your daughter will,” he corrected me with a smirk.

“I’m not having a daughter, I’m having a son,” I stated.

He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know that.”

“Of course I do. I’m the father.”

“Well, I’m the auntie, and I say girl.”

“Boy. And you can’t be the aunt. If anything, you’re the uncle,” I protested.

“Screw that. I’m the auntie, and I’m having a niece,” he stated and crossed his arms over his chest. “Nothing you say can convince me otherwise.”

“You’re going to look extremely stupid with a bunch of pink clothes for a boy,” I said, shrugging.

“You wanna bet?” he asked.

“You want to bet on my unborn child? What the hell is wrong with you?”

He cackled. “Too chicken to put your money where your mouth is, sweet cheeks?”

Damn. I walked right into that one.

“Five hundred bucks says it’s a boy,” I said.

“You, butter balls, are on!”

I reluctantly shook his hand. I did believe that Bella and I were having a boy, although I had no idea why I thought so. Betting on it was a different matter, though. I’d have to buy Bella something nice with the money when I won. Buttering her up wouldn’t hurt. That thought sent my mind right into the gutter, and I didn’t come back up until I’d walked into the counter, whiskey bottle first, and broken the bottle. I was still holding the neck, and the shards tore into my hand.

“Fucking hell!” I swore, dropping it and reaching for a dishtowel. In the process, I twisted my knee because I’d stepped on the broken glass that slid across the floor under my foot. “Goddamn!”

I grabbed onto the counter with my uninjured hand and righted myself. When I put weight on my leg, my knee protested loudly, but I did my best to ignore it until I’d at least gotten hold of the dish towel for my hand. Blood was already dripping on the floor, and it was causing my mind to drift back to a certain day in April when I had last seen blood being spilled.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Are you okay?” James yelled, rushing over. Then he spotted the blood and turned pale. “Oh no. I’m not very good with blood…gah, the smell…Bellaaaaaaaa! SOS! Mayday, mayday!”

I rolled my eyes and wrapped my hand in the towel. Leaning against the counter so I didn’t have to put any weight on my bad leg, I sighed. From the very first night at the bar I had expected accidents, but I’d thought I was past my clumsy phase. Limping over to get the broom, I started to sweep the glass up. I’d have to mop up the whiskey afterward.

Before I could get very far, Bella came out from the office. Her eyes widened when she saw James sitting on a chair with his head between his legs and me sweeping up glass. I just smiled sheepishly at her.

“What the hell are you two doing?” she asked.

“Blood and…ugh,” James muttered.

“Blood?” she asked, zeroing in on my hand.

“I accidentally broke a bottle against the counter and cut myself,” I explained. “The brave diva isn’t very good with blood.”

“Mister ass squeeze also hurt his leg,” James tattled on me, still doing breathing exercises that would make any Lamaze coach proud. “And please, for the love of gorgeous men everywhere, get the blood cleaned up. I’m dying here!”

“Why don’t you go outside, James?” Bella suggested.

She then made me sit down while she inspected my hand and reached for the first aid kit under the counter. “I can’t leave you alone for two seconds, can I? What happened to your leg?”

“I twisted my knee when I stepped on the slippery glass. It’s nothing a little Tylenol won’t fix. It hurt the same way back when I used to spend most of my days driving around,” I replied. “Listen, you really don’t have to do this. I can take care of it.”

She looked up, surprised. “What makes you think that I don’t want to take care of you? You’re not the Lone Ranger anymore – you’re a husband. My husband. So sit still while I clean up this cut.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I replied, feeling the need to pinch myself even though the pain in my hand and knee clearly told me that I wasn’t dreaming or imagining the wonderful woman wearing my ring. She was right. I wasn’t alone anymore, but the sight of blood had taken me back to a time where I had been – if not alone, then at least without people in my life who cared.

“And sorry,” I added, flinching as she cleaned the cut. “I just had a little flashback when I saw the blood.”

The look she sent me told me that she understood, and she didn’t ask me to elaborate. She just bandaged my hand ad sealed it with a kiss. Much better.

“Are you sure your knee is going to be okay? James can close up so I can take you to the ER to get it looked at,” she fretted.

“I’m fine. Promise,” I replied. “Thanks for taking such good care of me.”

She didn’t look convinced. “You’re staying on your ass until I can take you home.”

“No way. I’m cleaning this shit up. Go back to whatever you were doing. James will be back in to help me with the last customers.”

Bella laughed and patted my cheek. “Not happening. I can pull the boss card, the wife card, and the emotional pregnant woman card, so don’t think you’re winning. You’re a bright boy – you know you won’t stand a chance anyway.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’ve got more cards than I do, but I’m still stronger,” I said. “I’m helping you.”

She frowned. “Figures I’d marry someone as stubborn as myself.”

Chuckling, I pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. Just thinking about my marriage or someone mentioning it did funny things to my insides. I was very much in awe of the fact that the kindest, sexiest, most beautiful, and most inspiring woman in the world was my wife.

I finished sweeping the floor and threw away the broken glass. Bella mopped up the whiskey while I tried to look like my knee wasn’t killing me with each step I took. James came in after a while looking less pale than he had before.

“Is the blood gone?” he asked.

“Yes,” Bella replied. “Wimp.”

“I am not – take that back!” he objected. “It’s not my fault you can’t smell it.”

The pretty firecracker and I might not have been together long, but we did have the coordinated eye roll down pretty well. It seemed to come naturally with James around.

Eventually, Bella went back to the office, and I started tidying up as closing time was approaching. It had been an extremely slow night, and I was looking forward to getting out of there.

“Why are you hiding the fact that your knee is bothering you?” James asked as soon as Bella was gone.

“It’s not a big deal,” I replied and swallowed two Tylenol with a sip of water to prove myself wrong. I didn’t like to make a huge issue out of something I couldn’t change anyway – the pain was there every day whether I complained about it or not.

“Whatever you say, hero, but when Bella finds out that you’re downplaying it, she’ll have your ass,” he said. “Which is so not fair because I want your ass, too.”

I cringed, but did my best to ignore his last comment. “Seriously, my knee isn’t worse now than it is every morning. So while I appreciate the concern, it’s all fine.”

“Muffin cup, you need to learn to fear your wife,” he said, snickering. “Isn’t that what all good husbands do?”

“Dude, the day I start taking marital advice from you is the day I chop off my left ear and join a marching band,” I told him.

“I’ll be there to take pictures,” he promised me in turn.

Just as I was convinced that the night would never end, closing time rolled around. James went upstairs after we’d finished cleaning up, and I went into the office to see if Bella was ready to head over to her parents.

I found her asleep at the desk. Again. I really needed to have a talk with Charlie about her working so late. Maybe between the two of us, we could make her see reason. Or better yet – we could make Sue see our point and let her deal with Bella. Sue was awesome that way. If they sent her to Afghanistan, there’d be peace in a week.

I put on my jacket and pulled Bella’s around her shoulders. I grabbed her bag, and ignoring my protesting knee, I picked her up. Turning off the lights on my way, I carried her outside to the car. Opening the door was difficult, but I managed without waking up my sleeping beauty. When I’d stealthily secured the seatbelt around her, I went back to lock up the bar.

I managed to drive almost all the way to Sue and Charlie’s house without waking Bella up. Unfortunately, then one of the town’s few police cruisers just had to blaze right by us on the way toward La Push with the siren wailing.

“Damn. Are you part ninja?” Bella asked, blinking her eyes fully open.

I chuckled. “No. You must have been really tired.”

“I guess so,” she said, yawning. “Did you lock up?”

“No, I thought I’d leave the door open if anyone got thirsty during the night,” I replied. “That’s why I also left the light on and the cash register open. That way people can just throw in money for the drinks they make themselves.”

“Smartass,” she muttered, sleepily.

“That’s what you get for falling asleep at work. See what I’m saying about you working there?” I asked. “I really think you should conside-”

“Ahem,” she interrupted. “Who was it that got hurt tonight? Remind me, please?”

I sighed as I turned into the driveway. Sue had left the porch light on for us, which made me love her even more. “I blame you for that, you know,” I told Bella.

“Me?” she asked, choking on a laugh as she untangled herself from the seatbelt. “How is your clumsiness my fault?”

“Because I was busy thinking about buttering you up,” I replied, chuckling, and exited the car before she say anything.

When I came around to open the passenger door, she was smirking at me. “Blame me all you want, butter boy, but do you know what I call it?”

“Enlighten me,” I said with a smirk, offering her my hand as she got out of the car.

“Karma, my dear husband. You’ve been bugging me about quitting the bar since I told you I was pregnant, and now the universe replied to you,” she said. “Not happening. It doesn’t hurt anyone if I take a nap in the office once in a while. Besides, who’s going to clean your cuts the next time you go all butter mind on us? James is just going to faint, you know.”

“We’ll resume this conversation once I’ve either come up with some solid points or made your mom help me convince you,” I told her.

“You fight dirty. You’re lucky I love you.”

“So true,” I agreed, grinning.

***

Thanksgiving rolled around while we were staying with Sue and Charlie. Upstairs and Downstairs were both closed, and Sue had taken Bella hostage in the kitchen where they were cooking up a storm. It was still early in the day, and I was shuffling around without anything to do. Charlie had shut himself in his office doing God knew what, and everyone else wasn’t set to arrive until later.

I sat down in a large, comfortable chair in the living room and looked out at the rain beating against the patio. A year ago, I had been looking at the dust. And choking in it…getting it in my eyes…cursing it to the fiery pits of hell… And I’d been with Jake, no doubt bitching about the turkey slobber we’d been served or something like that. It seemed like forever ago.

Fishing out my phone from my pocket, I loaded my inbox and looked at the still unopened last email from him. I sighed. Usually when I looked at the email and considered opening it, I ended up opening and replying to one of the other emails from my former squad members, but I’d run out. They had all been read and replied to, and now only Jake’s remained.

I put down the phone on the arm rest and looked out at rain again. Opening that email had turned into one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. I didn’t know why – the subject line indicated that it was a forwarded email with jokes. In all probability, Jake had not written a single word in the email himself. Yet, it was still the last thing he would ever tell me, and it felt like another goodbye when he had no more words for me. I didn’t want anymore goodbyes – especially not when I still had one I needed to say at the cemetery.

“I’m a goddamn coward,” I muttered, picking up the phone again and opening the email. After a deep breath, I looked at the screen. Scrolling through jokes that would have made me laugh if Jake had been the one to tell them, I smiled sadly. It felt anti-climatic until I reached the end of the email.

There was a P.S.

P.S.

 I’m going to ask you this in an email so you’ll feel compelled to reply the same way, and then I’ll have your reply in writing. That means no backing out! I’d like you to come with me to Forks when this tour ends. I know you probably want to continue battling the dust, the enemies, and the stuff they claim is food over here, but life’s got more to offer you, Rusty. Imagine a place where there is no dust. The air smells so clean that it will make you forget that dust and deserts even exist. Imagine friendly faces, good friends, awesome coleslaw, and a place to call home. I know that everyone back home would love to meet you after hearing about you for so long. Screw the Army – friends don’t leave friends behind, and that’s what I’d be doing by going home without dragging you with me. I’ll say please if I have to. Hell, I’ll even blackmail you with the sausage slingshot incident. So you better reply, and you better say yes. My mom makes the drill sergeant back in basic training look like a fluffy kitten, and I’m not afraid to sic her on your ass. I’ll be waiting for your email, so get typing.

I choked on a laugh – or a sob. At that point I wasn’t even sure. I was overwhelmed that I had unknowingly ended up doing exactly what he had asked me to. At the same time, I was also sad because he was supposed to be there, too…eating coleslaw and pulling pranks on James. Making his family happy with his mere presence and tending the bar like he had wanted to. Living and loving. Fulfilling his dreams.

Fuck you, fate.

It was Thanksgiving, and I was thankful for so many things – Bella, our baby, my new friends and family, the fact that I was alive, and that I was happier than I had been in a really long time. But I was also extremely bitter – sometimes it made me every bit as blind as my love for the pretty firecracker. It seemed very unfair that someone as bright and happy as Jake only got such a short time on earth.

“Edward?” I heard Bella call out from somewhere.

I found her in the dining room clutching a plate while she looked at the table with a frown.

“What’s up, baby? Need a hand setting the table?”

She shook her head and looked up at me with shiny eyes. “I thought I could get through today without bawling my eyes out, but I don’t know whether or not to put out a plate setting for Jake. We used to do it every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas because he came home one year for Thanksgiving unexpectedly and joked about not being welcome because the table wasn’t set for him. I don’t know what will make everyone more sad – that the plate is there or that it isn’t there.”

I took the plate from her and put it on the table. Drawing her into a tight hug, I offered her what little strength I had left after reading the email.

“We’ll all be sad when we remember Jake – plate or no plate,” I said. “If the world was fair, he would be here, but we can still be thankful for him even if he’s not. And I think he’s here in spirit. Where else would he be when there’s food being cooked in the kitchen?”

Bella sniffled into my shirt, and I could feel her nod. Never letting her go, I pulled out a chair and sat down with her in my lap. Then I found my phone and showed her the email. She clutched the phone in both hands while she read it, biting her lip the whole time.

“I thought he didn’t get to…” she whispered and turned her head to look at me. “He wrote to me…oh God. Remember when I first asked you about Rusty, not knowing it was you?”

I nodded. That had not been one of my finest moments.

“I’d just re-read the last letter he ever sent to me,” she said. “He asked me how he should approach you to ask you to quit the Army and come with him to Forks. I can show you the letter. But he was convinced that you would be happier in Forks than if you stayed in the Army.”

“He was right,” I said softly. “So fucking right.”

She ran her fingers through my hair and smiled. “You know, I don’t know if he would have tried to get us together, or if he would have been hung up on some my best friend can’t date my little sister crap, but in a way it feels like he did set us up.”

“Are you saying that we were meant to be?” I asked, smirking.

“No, that’s way too sappy,” she replied. “But if it wasn’t, then I would be saying it.”

I chuckled and kissed her. She was a riot, and I kind of wished I knew how to let her know exactly how much I loved her.

After a very much unscheduled make-out session, Bella got back to setting the table while she ordered me around. She ended up not adding a plate setting for Jake, which I thought was a good choice. Before we had a chance to wallow in gloomy thoughts, the house was invaded by a bunch of loud and happy people. James came in carrying the biggest bouquet of roses I had ever seen, intent on buttering up Sue for some reason. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the reason, because I was afraid that it might have something to do with either the reception or the baby. And I was certain that I was not going to like it – whatever it was.

Rose and Emmett came in next – one of them more elegantly than the other. Rose took a dive over the doorstep and got a nosebleed. James made the mistake of laughing, which made Emmett put him in a chokehold and Sue threaten to donate his entire wardrobe to charity.

Grandpa Billy was also there, demanding that the boy got him a beer. The boy turned out to be Charlie, who dutifully got him a bottled Heineken before sitting down to watch the game. Harry and his wife, along with Seth and Leah, were the last to arrive. Leah was moping because she’d had a fight with Jasper or something, and I decided not to ask about it after she almost bit Bella’s head off.

The food was awesome as always when Sue was cooking, and the company was every bit as good. Everyone told stories – not for my benefit, it seemed, but more of the remember when kind. Even Leah cheered up when she realized that she had an audience for stories about Bella and Seth’s misadventures. Sue asked about my previous Thanksgivings, and when I just said that they’d sucked compared to this one, no one probed any further.

Bella squeezed my hand under the table, and I realized that for the first time in my life, I was truly thankful – thankful for Bella and our baby, thankful for my new family, thankful for my life, and thankful that I had had the most awesome best friend in the world. He might have been physically gone for months, but that night especially, he was present in spirit.

Smiling at my pretty firecracker, I only allowed myself to think about my parents and sister for a brief moment. All I felt was pity. They thought they had it all with their money, reputation, and fancy jobs. In reality, they didn’t have anything.

And I did. I had it all.