Chapter 23

Jake would have turned twenty-seven on New Years Eve. He’d always used to say that the whole world was celebrating his birthday with champagne and fireworks. Charlie’s birthday was the first day of the new year, and most years father and son had had a joint celebration. That much I remembered Jake telling me. This year, however, it was all very up in the air what would be happening.

Bella had told me that her parents were debating whether or not closing down the bar was a good idea. Apparently, it was quite the meeting place on New Years Eve, but James was the only one who didn’t have any feelings caught up in that particular day, and he couldn’t run the bar alone. I was pretty sure that I could work since I had no memories of Jake at the bar, but it tore at me having to be without Bella that night.

In the end, Sue and Charlie sat Bella, James, and I down and asked us for our opinion.

“The selfish part of me says to shut the bar down and cry on the couch with a large tub of ice cream,” Bella said, squeezing my hand under the table. “But the part of me that is, above all, Jake’s sister says to party like he would have wanted it.”

“Thank you, dear,” Sue said with a tired smile. “That’s exactly as far as your dad and I have gotten. What we would like versus what Jake would have liked.”

“Why the doubts, then?” James asked, unnaturally subdued. “I’m sorry if I’m butting into something that isn’t my business, but you did ask me to sit down with your lovely selves.”

“He’s right, Charlie,” Sue said, looking at her tired-looking husband. She looked back at James. “And your input is as important as everyone else’s, James.”

“Edward, what do you think?” Charlie asked me.

I took a deep breath. “I think it will be harder to get through a difficult and emotional night than it will be to live with the feeling that we somehow let Jake down or went against what he would have wanted. However, when that’s said, I think the decision of being there that night or not should be a personal one. You can count on me working if you decide to open the bar.”

“Sue, sweetheart, I fear that your days as the voice of reason are numbered,” Charlie said, fighting a laugh.

Sue reached across the table and put her hand on my arm. “Well said, dear. I’ll be there, too.”

I saw Bella and Charlie exchange a look, and then they nodded.

“I’ll bring the cake, Dad,” she said. Turning to look at me, she explained,” We always have cake at midnight to celebrate both birthdays. Jake and Dad took turns deciding on which cake we’d have.”

“And this year it was my turn, so I’m picking Jake’s favorite,” Charlie said decidedly.

“Chocolate mud cake,” Bella and Sue said together.

“With green sprinkles,” Charlie added with a choked laugh. “Don’t forget the green sprinkles. Remember when he was five and got multi-colored sprinkles on his cake?”

Sue nodded and cleared her throat. “He cried and refused to eat anything before I’d scraped them off and gone to the store to replace them with green ones.”

A few laughs, and then silence hung in the air while we all dipped into the pool of Jake memories we had. Well, except James, but as obnoxious as he sometimes were, he was really good at respecting the need we all had to remember and talk about Jake. It was almost hard to believe the great difficulties I’d had talking about my late best friend when I had first arrived in Forks – it seemed so long ago now. It had become much easier, and even slightly therapeutic, to talk about him. Keeping his memory alive meant that he wasn’t truly gone.    

On the last morning of the year, I might as well have gone down to do inventory, because I was truly and utterly in the doghouse. Bella and her parents had gone to the cemetery, and I did not become popular with my wife and mother-in-law when I didn’t go with them.

Perhaps it was silly at that point that I still hadn’t been back to visit Jake’s grave, but there was just something inside of me that resisted. Charlie seemed to understand, even if I couldn’t really explain why I didn’t feel ready to go. Instead I grabbed the key Charlie had given me and went down to the bar. I made myself a Dust Remover and sat down on the other side of the counter while I messed with the remote for the built-in sound system. I couldn’t think of one particular song that reminded me of Jake, but I searched until I found something happy. I didn’t know the song, but the lyrics were about the sun. And like Emmett had said the first time I met him – Jake had been a sunshiny brat.

“Can you make one of those without alcohol?”

I turned to see Bella strolling up to the counter. I didn’t know how long I had been sitting at the bar sipping my mid-morning drink, but it appeared I had completely lost track of time. Her cheeks were red from the cold, and I searched her eyes for any traces of tears. There weren’t any. She looked oddly at peace.

“I doubt it,” I replied. “But I can get you some orange juice.”  

She shrugged. “I suppose that will have to do.”

I got up, kissed her cold lips as I passed her, and went to get her something to drink. When I put the juice down in front of her, I was rewarded with a beautiful firecracker smile.

She took a sip and shed her jacket before looking at me again. “I’m sorry I didn’t make much of an effort earlier to try to understand. Dad made Mom and me see that we were being unfair.”

“I think we’re all a little on edge today,” I said.

Turning in my seat, I pulled her stool closer to mine. The action made her smile, and she grabbed my hand.

“I can’t wait till BC gets old enough to hear about his or her Uncle Jake,” she said, smiling softly as our joined hands came to rest on her stomach.

“And we really need to tell lots and lots of stories about Uncle Jake, or else poor BC will be traumatized by only having Uncle James around,” I said.

Bella giggled. “Auntie James, but yes, you’re right. Thankfully we have Emmett, too, though.”

“Auntie Emmett?” I asked with a laugh. 

“Probably not if we want to live,” she replied with a snort.

“Well, as long as there’ll be no Auntie Alice, it will be fine,” I said. “Talk about ruining a kid…”

“I’d rather ruin her for being a bitch to you,” Bella grumbled.

“Down, kitty,” I said, chuckling. “Though, if you ever do meet her, rest assured that you can take her down with one hand tied behind your back and pouring a Martini with the other.”

“Good to know,” she said with a nod. “Now, are you going to continue drinking before noon or are you going to keep me company while I make a cake for tonight?”

“Done drinking,” I replied, standing up to clear away the glasses.

Back upstairs in our apartment, I watched Bella while she made the cake Charlie had chosen. When it was in the oven, I got the important task of going to the grocery store to get green sprinkles for it. Jake had been extremely laid back, but had taken his food very, very seriously. Everything had had to be exactly right – preferably tasting like his mom’s cooking. If it wasn’t, he either hadn’t eaten it or just drowned it in ketchup.

Returning home with the sprinkles, I was almost man enough to admit that when Bella sprinkled them onto the cake, I got a little teary-eyed. Green sprinkles of all things…

Half the town – or maybe it was the whole town – showed up at Downstairs to see in the New Year. At first the mood was a little subdued as it seemed that Jake hadn’t been kidding when he had told me that everyone in Forks always celebrated his birthday. After a few drinks, however, everyone loosened up. To my surprise, it wasn’t a difficult night. Sue and Charlie both worked with Bella, James, Leah, and myself. It was a little crowded behind the bar, but every available hand was needed.

A booth in a corner had been claimed by Billy, Harry, Claire, and Seth. Soon they were joined by Rose, Emmett, Jessica, and Mike, who made sure that no one sat around brooding. From what I heard when I passed by the table once in a while, embarrassing stories were shared with great enthusiasm, and no one was safe from being laughed at.

When it neared midnight, Charlie told us to fill the counter with champagne glasses so the bar guests could help themselves. My father-in-law was a generous bar owner. Then we joined the others in their booth and had cake and champagne. We all had to swallow an extra time as we toasted to Jake, but then it was midnight and time to celebrate Charlie.

For the first time ever, I got a kiss at midnight, and I finally understood what all the fuss was about. Maybe we’d have to make it a daily tradition with kisses at midnight. Well, when Bella hadn’t passed out before then, of course. All the noise from the bar disappeared when I looked into my pretty wife’s eyes, and I couldn’t help but think about the past year and everything it brought me as well as taken away.

And what a year it had been. It had been the worst and the best and everything in between. I hoped the New Year had less of the bad and more of the good – being surrounded by my family and friends definitely meant that it was off to a good start. A year ago I had been in the desert, often feeling like the loneliest man in the world even when I was surrounded by my men. The contrast to now was staggering, especially considering everything that had happened between then and now.

I looked at Bella and smiled. The old year had brought me her, and for that I could never be anything but grateful. The New Year would bring us BC, which would be so amazing that I didn’t have the words for it – even in my mind. A tiny little firecracker of our own. I’d be in so much trouble.

Shit. Babies cried an awful lot. What if I was as allergic to BC’s tears as his mom’s? I was so screwed.

Wisely deciding never to tell Bella about how her tears freaked me out to an extent that she could make me do anything when she cried, I focused on what was happening around me.

Charlie was opening presents and not doing a very good job of pretending like he wasn’t as excited as a little boy. Harry gave him the recipe for firewater so he could sell it in the bar, and James gave him something in a pink gift bag that made him blush and quickly it tuck away under the table.

I had talked Bella into continuing my travel gift theme. We had gotten him and Sue a trip to any European destination they preferred. Bella had claimed it was too expensive, but I had told her about the money I had from the Army and from my grandfather. And when I’d asked her if she could think of something better to spend it on than making the people we loved happy, she had sighed and told me that I didn’t fight fair. Maybe that was correct, but in my defense, I had never claimed that I did.

I might have smirked at my wife when Charlie opened our gift and declared it the best ever, much to James’ disappointment. He even gave Sue permission to choose the destination, which made her hug him, Bella, and me until we nearly choked.

***

A few days later, I was ogling my wife at the bar while I was supposed to be working. It happened a lot, and half the time someone caught me – often Bella herself. Despite of that, I continued doing it. It was her fault, though – she was so goddamn beautiful, and any man would have done the same. Naturally, I would beat them to a pulp if they tried – or Bella would. She was fierce. But as far as I was concerned, ogling should be part of the marriage vows. I will ogle you till the day I die. Or turn blind.

Then James had to do what he did best – interrupt my ogling. He whistled as he passed me with some empty bottles. “DILF alert at nine o’clock. Here, take these, lamb chop, so I can serve and please him.”

I rolled my eyes and took the bottles before he dropped them on the floor in his eagerness to flirt. He strutted over to the end of the bar closest to the entrance while I played errand boy and put the bottles away. Bella sent me a smile after she’d served Renee a Martini and was on her way over to me until another customer demanded her attention. Damn customers. I went to get another case for the empty bottles since the one under the bar was full. When I came back, I heard a voice across the room that made me freeze.

“Edward.”

I looked up and met the cold, hard eyes of a man who didn’t look the least bit happy to see his son for the first time in eight years.

“Dad.”

He studied me with an unreadable look on his face, and I channeled the stone-faced soldier I’d once been as I tried not to squirm. What the hell was he doing here?

“Really, Edward? A bartender? Couldn’t get a job sweeping trash of the street? I thought we’d raised you better,” he started the rant that I should have been expecting, but somehow it still took me by surprise. “And what on God’s green earth are you doing in this hole in the ground town?”

“Follow me,” I said through gritted teeth, leading the way out back to the office. No fucking way was he embarrassing me any further in front of people who I served drinks to on a regular basis. Or even worse – in front of my wife.

“How dare you insult me like that when I’m working – and in front of customers and the people I work with?” I asked angrily the moment the door was closed behind us. “You don’t even know me anymore.”

“Of course I know you, Edward. You obviously haven’t changed since you’re still determined to throw away your life with useless jobs,” he replied and glanced around the room, barely avoiding wrinkling his nose although there was absolutely nothing wrong with the office. It was tastefully decorated, clean, and my stupid excuse of a father just showed that he was the world’s biggest snob.

“You don’t know anything about me,” I told him.   

“Was it too much to ask that you called to let us know that you were out of the Army so we could stop worrying about you wasting your life overseas?” he asked, ignoring what I’d said and narrowing his eyes. “Your mother’s nerves have been frazzled.”

“Frazzled?” I asked in disbelief. “Excuse me, but if her nerves were frazzled or if you had worried about me at all, you could have come to see me when I was in the hospital. Then you’d know that I was out of the Army! I’m surprised they didn’t tell you when you called to spy on me. That was really charming, by the way – about as charming as Alice visiting, but not wanting to see me. Who needs enemies in Afghanistan with a family like you guys?”

“You ungrateful little…!” he seethed and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was something I had used to do, as well, but I had made an effort to ditch the habit once I’d realized where I’d picked it up.

“I wouldn’t have called if we hadn’t been worried,” he said in a calmer tone.

“Calling behind my back suggests that you were curious, not worried,” I replied, bitterly.

“You were the one who thought it wise to join the Army and go risk your life in another country,” he pointed out.

“That’s right,” I said, straightening my back and raising my chin slightly. “And I never regretted it for a second. I’d still be in the Army if I could.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

I snorted and turned my back to him. “It means that it’s none of your business.”  

He was quiet for a moment while he studied me again.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“Well, you weren’t going to take the first step to reconcile with your family,” he answered.

“You all but threw me out when I was eighteen and ignored me when I was badly wounded and in a coma! Why the hell would I want to reconcile with you?”

“You made a foolish decision,” he said calmly. “We couldn’t just clap our hands and smile.”

“No one expected you to. But you could have supported me – been proud of me. Everyone else’s families were,” I said, trying to keep my voice from catching when I thought about what it was like seeing the others in my squad get letters and encouragement from home.

“You obviously needed no encouragement,” he said, snorting.

“Unbelievable,” I said, shaking my head. “There’s nothing for you here. Nothing at all. You can go back home now and live your perfect life without having to worry or have frazzled nerves about your black sheep son. Goodbye.”

He almost took me on my word, but when he reached the door, he changed his mind and looked back at me. “Last chance, Edward. You can come with me. It’s not too late to go to college and get a degree, which I’ll pay for if you choose medicine or law. I’m sure we’ll all forgive you if you apologize. There’s obviously nothing for you here.”

A bomb could have gone off, and I wouldn’t have been more shocked. Was he for real? I wanted to kick his ass, scream at him…yet in the end I just sighed. “Like I said – you don’t know anything about me. I’d rather go drown myself in the river than go anywhere with you, I have absolutely nothing to apologize for, and my whole life and everything that matters to me is here.”

He huffed. “What? You’ve found some cheap waitress who knows about your inheritance from your grandfather? Please. You’ve disappointed everyone enough without falling into that trap.”

I saw red, but forced myself not to raise my voice too much or the entire bar might hear. “Like Mom trapped you? Because if I remember correctly, then she was a waitress when you two met. Yeah, it’s hard to believe that you’d look at someone who wasn’t a debutante, huh?”

“Do not disrespect your mother!” my dad thundered.

“Do not disrespect my wife!”

“Your wife?” he scoffed. “Are you seriously trying to disgrace your family in every way possible?”    

“Don’t say another word,” I warned him. “You don’t have the right. Bella didn’t even know me when I was in Afghanistan, but she was the one who kept me sane. And my family is right here in Forks – not in Seattle – and they would never think that I was a disgrace for doing what I thought was right.”

He pressed his lips together in a thin line before he said anything. “Some people are easily satisfied. That doesn’t mean that we all need to be.”

I clenched my hands at my sides. “That’s true, and for a long time I was satisfied with a miserable excuse for a family. Luckily I upgraded, and now I’m happier than ever.”

There was a knock on the door, and James breezed in. I didn’t know what he wanted, but I didn’t mind the interruption. My dad had the advantage on me since he’d had a chance to plan what he wanted to say. Surprise attacks were tactical advantages even at the best of times, and I had never in a million years expected him to show up, thus not ever having thought about what I wanted to say to him.

“Papa Swan says it’s time to take out the trash,” James said, cheerfully, and grabbed my dad’s arm. He dragged my surprised father a few steps toward the door. “I can’t believe that I served you a drink. I should just have karate chopped you instead. And I’m allowed to say this. Papa Swan said so.”

My dad pulled his arm away from James. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

James narrowed his eyes and put his hands on his hips. “That’s none of your business. It’s not like you introduced yourself to me, Mr. Crappy Dad.”

“I think the real question is who the hell do you think you are?” Charlie asked from the door. “I don’t appreciate how you’re treating my family, and I’d like you to leave my bar. If I ever see you around here again, I’ll introduce you to either the sheriff or my hunting rifle, depending on my mood. James and I will show you the door since you seem to have a hard time remembering where it is.”

Under loud protests from my dad, Charlie and James escorted him out. I took a deep breath and wondered which deity to pray to for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. There were so many emotions running through me right then, and one of them was embarrassment. Another was anger. Most of them just blended together and made me incredibly exhausted. I attempted to gather my thoughts, but it was impossible. I needed more time, and right then I didn’t have any at all since I was at work. I just hoped that the whole bar hadn’t heard what had happened in the office.

Charlie and James had returned to work, but there was no sign of Bella when I came back out.

“Thank you,” I said to Charlie and James. “I really appreciated your...help.”

Charlie nodded. “Are you okay, son?”

I rubbed my temples and shrugged. “I’m not really sure. Where is Bella?”

“She went out to get some fresh air,” James replied.

“Why don’t you go out and find her?” Charlie suggested. “And when you do, you two take the rest of the night off. James and I can handle this.”

“Thank you,” I repeated, not in the mood to fight him. I just wanted my wife, and then maybe the urge to start bawling would go away.

I trudged up the stairs. Before I reached the top, I heard Bella’s voice ring out.

“You know, I almost feel sorry for you,” she said in a tone that bordered on scornful. “You have the most amazing son in the world, and you don’t even realize or appreciate it. Edward is so loyal, brave, loving, and smart. He loves with his whole heart, and around here we’re clever enough to love him back the same way – the way that you and the rest of your miserable excuse of a family don’t, but the way that he deserves.”

“Listen, young lady, I don-” I heard my dad say as I stood frozen on the stairs.

“No, you listen!” Bella interrupted, angrily. “How can you even live with yourself? He was seriously wounded, in a coma, and fighting for his life, and you couldn’t get past your ridiculous pride and go and see him? The thought makes me sick. By doing that, and by not supporting him when he made the bravest decision of all, you’re defiling the memories of the sacrifices made by our troops. You’re laughing in the faces of every soldier who comes back hurt from Iraq and Afghanistan, and you’re dancing a jig on the very graves of those who gave their lives over there. You’re mocking Edward’s friends. You’re belittling my brother’s life! You should be ashamed of yourself, and I hope that you and your heartless wife and bratty little daughter rot in hell!”  

“Yes, he’s really brave,” my dad sneered. “That’s why he has a woman fighting his battles.”

“He fought for all of us in Iraq and Afghanistan,” she replied, and I could hear her voice catching. It made me unfreeze and hurry up the last stairs while she continued. “It’s about time someone fought for him, don’t you think? That’s what real families do, after all – fight for each other. Love each other. Support each other. You should go catch up on the subject and leave Edward alone since you’re not worthy of him anyway.”

My dad was about to say something, but when he saw me rounding the corner, he closed his mouth.

“I think enough people have asked you to leave now. There’s nothing for you here,” I said to my dad.

He muttered something about ignorance, but left without anymore trouble. He still drove his black Mercedes, and once he was out on the road, he hit the gas and sped out of my line of vision. I was pretty sure that I had seen my father for the last time.

Once again, I felt like I couldn’t contain everything that I was feeling inside. If they’d been there, red warning signs would have been flashing to warn everyone that something was about to explode. My heart knew what mattered most, but my mind couldn’t decide whether to focus on my old family’s lack of love or the total opposite from my new family. It was devastation, gratefulness, sorrow, love, anger, and several other feelings I hadn’t yet identified that created the bomb threatening to go off inside. And I knew nothing about defusing bombs.

I felt Bella squeeze my hand. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head. I didn’t know what I was at that moment, but “okay” didn’t sound right. I let my hand slide out of her grip and ran both my hands through my hair. It was freezing out, and I registered two things at the same time – the cold helped me calm down, and even if I hadn’t been as smart, Bella was fortunately wearing a sweater.

It rapidly got darker as I stood staring at nothing and all and attempted to weed through my feelings. I felt…I felt…overwhelmed. The anger and sorrow was fading, mostly because I knew that I should have expected bad instead of good from my dad. He had just caught me off guard because I hadn’t expected him at all. Left was disappointment that he couldn’t share my happiness, but clearest of all was the way Charlie, James, and especially Bella had stood up for me.

My chest hurt, overflowing with love for the woman who had promised me forever. I took a deep breath and looked at her. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears that reflected the streetlight above us. Shit. Not the tears.

I drew her into my arms and buried my nose in her hair. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to push you away. I’m just…my thoughts…they don’t make a lot of sense right now.”

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Hormones,” she muttered.

“Come on, let’s go upstairs. Your dad said we could take the rest of the night off,” I said and took her hand.

She followed me silently, and I felt terrible. It hadn’t been my intention to shut her out, but I couldn’t explain something to her that I couldn’t even explain to myself. When we got upstairs and I had shut the door behind us, I let her take off her sweater before I pulled her with me to the couch. When she was seated on my lap, trying not to sniffle, I hugged her as close as I dared.

“I really am sorry, Bella. The way you just defended me…if only I could explain how it makes me feel.”

“I didn’t mean to overstep,” she said softly and sighed. “He’s just…hearing about him and hearing him are two very different things. He’s a horrible asshole, and I can’t understand how you’re related to him.”

“You didn’t overstep. You stood up for me like no one ever has before,” I told her, cradling her cheek. “I love you so fucking much.”

She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against mine. “I love you, too. More than anything.”

I knew that. It had been in every single word she had said to my dad earlier. I kissed her pretty lips.

“I’m just sorry that BC won’t have two sets of grandparents spoiling him,” I said. “I wish I could give him that, but I can’t. And I’m sorry that my dad doesn’t have it in him to treat you like Charlie treats me.”

“Screw them,” she said. “They’re not worth it. Mom and Dad are up for the job of spoiling their grandchild double. Hell, triple if they had to. And I know those people gave life to you and raised you, but you have a family who loves you right here. You will always have BC and me, and we love you more than anyone ever could.”

She pulled back and looked solemnly at me. She was so goddamn pretty, and I was relieved that the tears were gone. “You do know that I’ll do anything to make you happy, right?” she asked. 

I smiled at her as my heart threatened to explode. “I am the happiest man in the world, baby. There’s no way my dad or anyone else can change that.”

She hummed in agreement and snuggled closer. I pulled up a blanket around us and relaxed back into the couch. And when Bella fell asleep a few minutes later, I allowed my thoughts to fly and my mind to process what had happened. I was exhausted, but I needed to go over everything again in my mind. The one thing I concluded before I fell asleep, too, was that I needed another tattoo. A swan to symbolize my family.    

Chapter 22

Shopping for Edward’s Christmas present had been more challenging that I’d originally thought. I’d started in early November—before our rushed nuptials—combing the malls in Port Angeles but nothing had caught my eye. The things I’d seen had either been too impersonal, something he wouldn’t want, or just plain stupid. I’d almost resigned myself to making some of those sexual favor coupons, until he’d made a back handed comment mentioning how excited he was to celebrate the holidays that year. It had made me think about all of the crappy celebrations he must have had with his own family.

I wanted this Christmas to be the best one he’d ever had—one he would remember, replacing every sad and awful memory his parents and sister had given him in the past. With that in mind, I renewed my efforts in searching for the perfect gift. It had to have meaning and thought behind it, as well as make Rusty feel like a part of my family.

I lucked out online and was able to order more than one gift. I even had them sent to Mom and Dad’s house, because my husband seemed like the type that would be a naughty boy and peek. Both of my parents, when I showed them my purchases, loved the theme of showing Edward how adored he was and followed my example. I was certain no one would ever give him a better Christmas than the Swan clan.

I pulled away from my thoughts as I wrapped up the last present. Edward and I had bought gifts for my parents, James, Rose, Emmett, Grandpa Billy, Uncle Harry, and his family together. Since we’d become a couple, it just seemed right to give combined gifts. I had always thought that kind of thing was a little too cutesy for me, but I was starting to like being part of a “we” and didn’t mind so much anymore.

“Baby, you almost finished?” Edward called out from the living room.

“Yeah!” I answered, setting the last wrapped present on the bed.

Edward came in the bedroom, leaning against the door frame all sexy looking in his Army T-shirt and camouflage pajama pants. Seeing him in that outfit did things to me, and I repressed a shudder. I tried to tell myself that putting presents under the tree was more important than jumping my husband.

“Is that everything?” Edward chuckled.

“Yes. How did I end up wrapping all the presents anyway? It doesn’t seem fair,” I said, pouting playfully.

“I told you I’m horrible at it. They would have all looked like a three year old wrapped them. I was just trying to save face.”

“Whatever,” I hopped off the bed. “You get to put them under the tree, though. I think I have carpel tunnel from twisting the paper around all those misshapen packages. It’s your turn to be useful and flex those army muscles of yours to put them under the tree, Sergeant.”

Edward mock saluted me with a grin and jumped away from his spot. “Yes, ma’am!”

My husband is such a dork.

I ignored his silliness and went into the living room, sitting down on the couch. It was easy to get into the Christmas spirit looking around the room. James had shown up on our doorstep a couple of nights before and insisted we decorate. It was the only time Edward had ever agreed with James wholeheartedly—even going as far as to help him with the task. At first, I really didn’t want my living room to look like Rudolph threw up on every surface, but once the boys finished, it looked really festive. After I’d grudgingly admitted that it looked good, James had named himself the official decorator for all seasons from that moment on.

Sigh.

I noticed there was a tray on the coffee table in front of me. It had two mugs of hot chocolate, some gingerbread cookies I made with Mom, and a couple of peppermint sticks.

Looks like Rusty was busy while I was playing “can you hide that shape?” in the bedroom.

The small tree in the corner lit up the dark room and added to the ambiance. Since it was Christmas Eve, we had put up our stockings already—full of goodies. We’d both decided it was kind of stupid to try to hide those, because there was no way to fill them the night before without the other knowing. However, I’d gotten an ironclad promise from soldier boy he wouldn’t touch his until morning. Rusty walked by me with his arms full of presents. I leaned back and watched him arrange them under the tree, trying to ignore the way his back muscles flexed under his shirt. Pregnancy had done a number on my hormones, and I was jumping the poor man constantly these days. I didn’t think he minded much; I’d never heard him complain once.

Edward sat next to me after the last box was placed. I put my feet in his lap, and his hands automatically started rubbing. I leaned back, moaning at the feeling.

“You keep that up, and we’ll be doing more than just drinking hot chocolate.” Edward tilted his head and flashed me a wicked smile.

“Mmmmm,” I moaned at his words.

He stopped his movements, earning a pout from me. I cleared my throat and sat up. “So—not that I’m complaining—but what’s all this?” I motioned to the tray across from us.

“Oh, well, I thought I’d share another one of my traditions with you. When Alice and I were little, our cook would make us gingerbread cookies and hot chocolate on Christmas Eve. Dad was usually working, and Mom couldn’t be bothered with it. The stockings with my grandmother and the hot chocolate with the cook are really the only positive memories I have of this season.”

I frowned. It was just another thing that made me want to kick his parents’ asses over. I wondered if it would be in bad taste if I just showed up on their doorstep one day and told them what horrible people they were. Stupid bastards.

“I really hate your parents.” I stuck out my tongue. Just the mere mention of those people left a bad taste in my mouth.

“I know, but this year has turned out to be my best one so far.”

His hand went to my abdomen, rubbing in small circles. I leaned into him and placed my head on his shoulder. With his other hand, he gave me one of the cups, taking the other one for himself. I took a drink and fought to keep my eyes from rolling back in my head. Sergeant Cullen knew how to make a mean cup of hot chocolate.

“This is good. Where did you learn to make such deliciousness?”

“It’s one of the only things I’m good at cooking. I’m not giving up my secrets,” Edward said, laughing.

“I’ll get it out of you. I have ways of making you talk.”

“I’m sure you do.” He placed a small kiss on my lips.

I set down the mug and turned to face him. “So, since we’re discussing traditions, I’d like to talk about starting a new one. My family always opened presents on Christmas Day, but I thought we could open one or two on Christmas Eve. That way, we’ll have our own tradition,” I explained, biting my lip.

Edward nodded. “I like the sound of that.”

I smiled and jumped up, running to the bedroom. I’d hidden two presents, hoping he’d go along with my plan. They were a little more personal, and I wanted it to just be us when he opened them. Edward was laughing at me when I returned with a gift already in his lap.

“Where did you put those? I thought you were keeping all of mine in your parents’ house because you didn’t trust me, my sneaky little firecracker.”

“I don’t. You look like the type who would cheat,” I admitted, reclaiming my spot on the couch. “But I really wanted to give these to you alone, so...”

He tilted his head to the side as I held up a large and a small present. When I handed them over, I noticed he had a nice-sized one his own hand, and we exchanged them. Edward motioned for me to go first. I ripped off the paper, revealing a nice looking digital camera. I looked over at him stunned.

“I know you’ll want to take as many pictures of BC as you can once he’s born. I also thought we could use it tomorrow to document our first Christmas together,” Edward explained, turning red with embarrassment.

I set the camera on the floor beside me and launched myself at Rusty, hugging him tightly.

“I love it. This is the best present ever.” I teared up.

He blew out a breath. “Thank God, because I had no idea what to get you.” I chuckled. “You did good. Now, open the big one first.”

He raised an eyebrow at me but complied. The presents I gave him had a theme, and I knew it was kind of bossy of me, but I insisted that he open them from largest to smallest. There was a method to my madness.

He tore off the paper, revealing a medium-sized wooden box. It was cherry-colored with the edges rounded around the top. Edward glanced up at me.

“Open it.”

He shook his head with a smile and indulged me. Pulling out a sheet of paper, he unfolded it and began to read. I followed over his shoulder, looking at the words I’d penned a few nights before while he was sleeping.

Dear Daddy,

I’m sorry I can’t be there with you this year, but I’m busy growing big and strong in Mommy’s tummy. I wanted you to know how much you mean to me, and with Mommy’s help, I’ve written you this letter. The box that Mommy gave you is from me. It’s to put mementos of the memories we are going to make together, or the drawings and letters I am going to make for you to show how much I love you, Daddy. I can’t wait to meet you.

I love you so much,
BC

Edward was sobbing by the time he finished the letter. I took it from him, folded it up, and placed it gently in the box. After I took his present out of his lap, placing it on the floor, climbed into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me, and I squeezed him tight.

I was beginning to think my gift was a bad idea. I’d wanted to show him just how much he meant to me, and was going to mean to BC, by giving him something to keep mementos from and of his son in. It made me sad to know that no one in his life, before he moved to Forks, showed him how much he was appreciated.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered in his ear. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted—”

“Don’t.” He croaked, interrupting me. “You have no idea what this means to me. I’ll treasure this gift always.”

I sat there for a few minutes, wrapped around him, as he collected himself. I stroked the hair on the back of his neck, trying to show my love through touch. After a few moments, he let out a shuddering breath and asked for the other present.

I was a little unsure because of his previous reaction. With shaking hands, I picked it up and handed it to him. Still on his lap, I watched as he tore the paper off the smaller gift. He opened the box and took out the contents. It was a coin with a large male hand and a small hand belonging to a child on the face, and a piece of paper inside. The words Daddy’s Hand wrapped around the top of the metal coin. He turned it over and inspected it, rubbing his eyes with his other hand.

“It’s to put in your box. I thought it could be your first Daddy keepsake,” I explained.

“I love you so much,” Edward said.

We ended the night snuggled together on the couch, sipping our hot chocolate. Edward was quiet but seemed peaceful. I was glad that the “Daddy” portion of my gift theme was complete and couldn’t wait until the next day to show him just how much I appreciated all aspects of my wonderful Rusty.

~.~.~.~

“I want to play Santa! I want to play Santa!” James exclaimed, situating himself under my parents’ large Christmas tree.

Edward and I had arrived early to hugs from Charlie and Sue. We’d promised to come over for breakfast to spend time with them before Mom and I started cooking and the rest of our family showed up. Alone time with the folks was nice and getting to cook with Mom was even better. By the time the rest of the clan arrived, dinner was close to being finished.

Rose and Leah came in to help with the last minute preparations. Aunt Claire, Harry’s wife, stood in the kitchen, watching us. The woman couldn’t cook for shit—probably the reason Mom had a hard time teaching Leah—and had been banned from helping years before.

Dinner was interesting. James decided that we needed a toast before we started eating and almost succeeded in reading a poem to commemorate the event. Dad tackled him to the ground, knocking him out of his chair. A wrestling match broke out on the floor, but my father still managed to put James into a head lock, grabbing the paper from James’ clutched hand. I was impressed that my father, who was getting up there in age, managed to stand up and run toward the kitchen in a much quicker move than I’d anticipated. James ran after him, and we heard a yelp from the kitchen. Dad explained later he’d burned the offending prose in the sink. James pouted for the rest of the meal.

After eating, we’d gathered in the living room for presents—where James had sat down in front of the tree and was whining about wanting to be “Santa.” Emmett and Rose had situated themselves on love seat, Edward and I were cuddling on the sofa, Dad sat in favorite chair with Mom on his lap, Harry and Claire sitting in two of the dining room chairs next to each other, and siblings Seth and Leah on the floor sitting in front of their parents. Grandpa Billy was the only member of the family not paired up, so he was next to me on the couch.

“If it will shut you up, then you can pass out presents,” Charlie said with an eye roll.

James squealed and got to work.

It didn’t take long before all of us were loaded down with gifts. Edward sat entranced by the colored paper flying across the room. He seemed kind of confused.

“It’s always a free for all in this house. We tried going one at a time one year, and it didn’t work out. Just grab one and start.” I nodded toward the brightly colored packages in his lap.

“I love your family.” Edward smiled and dug in.

He ended up with some warm clothes for hunting and fishing gear from Dad, an Afghan and knitted socks from Mom, a jar of fire water from Uncle Harry and Aunt Claire, two tickets to see Stone Sour in Seattle from Rose and Emmett, a set of tools from Grandpa Billy, a couple of shirts from Leah, and a shaving kit from Seth.

There were hoots and hollers when someone got a particularly good gift. I started opening some of mine when the noise level calmed down. I had some maternity clothes from Aunt Claire and Uncle Harry, a voucher for unlimited babysitting services from Leah, a foot massager from Emmett and Rose, candles from Seth, a picture of a nice wooden crib Grandpa Billy had ordered to be delivered after the New Year, and a bassinet from my parents. I teared up when I saw the present from my parents, deciding to wait to open the ones from Edward.

“Thanks so much you guys,” I said to everyone. “I really appreciate this.”

My mother came over and hugged me while everyone else nodded. Once I calmed, James jumped up with a smile.

“I decided that I should get you and your man a together present.” James gave us a sly wink and then left the room. Mom returned to her place on Dad’s lap.

My gaze traveled to Edward, and he shrugged his shoulders. James returned with a huge basket dripping with pink. It was full of baby items all suited for a girl. I laughed loudly as Edward grimaced.

“My apartment already looks like it’s covered in Pepto Bismol. I thought you were done buying baby crap,” Edward complained.

“Baby Cullen can never have too many things,” James shot Edward a look that clearly showed James thought my husband was a moron. “She needs to be able to have many outfits and accessories at her disposal.”

“He,” Edward said, emphasizing the word. “Will be a boy, and he’s not going to need all this crap you keep buying. Boys don’t need much.”

“Someone is in denial.” James scoffed. “Baby Cullen is a girl, and I am positive you will be eating your words when she is born.”

He set that monstrosity at my feet with a grin as the room erupted in laughter. “You guys are too much,” I said, giggling.

James went back to his spot and resumed opening his gifts. I noticed that he’d picked up the one from Edward and me. Elbowing my husband in the ribs, I tried to get his attention. He looked up and over at James when he saw me point in that direction. An evil grin crossed his features.

James finished pulling off the paper and opened the box. He let out a high pitched scream and ran out of the room. Edward was dying with laughter beside me; everyone else looked confused. I got up and went to find James, noticing the front door was open. I peeked outside and saw James was head first in a snow drift.

“Edward!” I yelled.

He came running, and the moment he saw James, it set him off on a new round of laughter.

“This is your fault,” I admonished. “Get him out of there.”

“Yes, Bella,” he said.

Edward walked out into the cold and extracted our flamboyant friend from the snow pile. James’ short blonde hair was covered in white powder, and he was shivering. Edward led him into the living room and helped him sit on the couch while I got him a blanket. I wrapped him in it and sat beside him, rubbing my hands up and down his arms. Edward took his place on the floor in front of my feet.

I looked down at my husband. “You suck. I told you that was a bad idea.”

“Don’t you love me at all?” James asked. “Why would you get me a mouse for Christmas?”

The room was full of chuckles once again.

“It was a rabbit’s foot,” Edward said, his voice rising an octave on the last word.

Seth leaned over to fist bump Edward, which he returned. I cleared my throat and glared at Edward, making him duck his head.

“Look.” Edward rubbed his hands on his thighs, looking up at James. “I know I give you a lot of shit, but I’d like to think we’ve become friends. Hell, until Jake, I didn’t even know what real friendship was. Everyone else in my life, up until then, had abandoned me. It was one of the things he taught me, how to be there for another human being. So, I have to blame him for the fact that pranking will always come with my friendship.” He smiled.

James’ face softened from the scowl he’d been wearing.

“Here’s your real present,” Edward said, pulling rectangular package from under the sofa. I looked over at him, asking with my eyes what he was doing. Last I knew, we had decided on a gift basket full of products like bath salts and body glitter. This was not bath salts and body glitter.

James took it from Edward and opened it. A large grin spread across his face. “Seriously?” James exclaimed. He threw himself at Edward, knocking him on his back. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“I hate to interrupt cuddle time,” Emmett said from his spot on the love seat. “But what has Miss Priss all excited?”

James stood up and began hopping up and down like he was on a sugar high. “Read it and weep, bitches.”

James pulled out a pink shirt and proudly held it up for all the world to see. In large white letters it proclaimed that James was the “Greatest Auntie in the World.”

Edward got up and sat next to me. I raised my eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.

“There’s a gift card in there, too,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Uh huh,” I said. “You like being friends with James.”

“Yeah, whatever. When he’s not hitting on me, he’s not that bad. Just don’t tell him that.” Edward bumped my shoulder with his.

I laughed and went back to my presents. I opened two of the gifts from Edward and saw he had gotten me a scrapbook and a gold medallion to put pictures in. I loved them immediately. The last gift made me cry because it was a framed picture of Jake sitting on a tank, hamming it up for the camera. It just captured the essence of who my brother was, and I knew I’d treasure it always.

I hugged Edward and thanked him for his thoughtful gifts. In a way, he’d found a way to have my brother as a part of the celebration, giving each person a picture of our beloved Jake and documenting his time in the army. Since we couldn’t be there with him, it was nice to know that, while overseas, he hadn’t lost who he had been. Edward waited to open the remaining presents from me until I was finished. The moment I set Jake’s picture down, he blew out a breath and started. The first one he tore into was a compass I’d bought him for the “Husband and Lover” part of the theme. Engraved inside was a little message to him, which he read to himself.

Edward,

No matter how many miles separate us, I know you’ll always be able to find me.

Love always,
Bella

“Do you like making me cry?” Edward muttered as he wiped his eyes. “I do have a reputation to uphold.”

I giggled through my tears. “No, I just want you to know I love every part of you. It’s about time someone showed you how wonderful you are.”

He smiled at me, working on the next present. Inside was a small box. He lifted the lid to reveal a circular pendant with the words “United States Army” around the edges, and the Army seal in the center. It was my way of letting him know how proud I was of his service in the armed forces.

He took it out and placed it around his neck. I’d had a hard time finding something suited for a veteran, but when I saw the necklace, it just felt right. Seeing it on him, and how proud he seemed to be wearing it, told me I’d made the right choice.

He looked nervous about the last present. I was biting my lip, hoping that it would be well received. Removing the paper, he revealed a framed photo of himself and Jake in basic training. They had their arms thrown over each other’s shoulder and were laughing at something in the distance. Out of everything else, I wanted to celebrate his friendship with Jake, because it was what had led him to me. I was thankful for it more than I could ever express.

“You raided my pictures.” Edward laughed through his tears.

“You were busy collecting pictures for everyone else, but you needed something to display, too. Jake was just as important to you as he was to the rest of us. He loved you, Edward. And I thought it would be appropriate. In a way, you can consider it a present from Jake.”

He set his gifts on the floor and hugged me. I hoped that he finally realized how much my family and I cared for him.

I noticed, for the first time, we were alone in the room. Voices could be heard from the kitchen, and I knew that everyone had given us some privacy.

“This is the best Christmas ever,” Edward said, kissing me until my toes curled.

~.~.~.~

“I’m not sure if we should leave. You look far too beautiful to be out in public,” Edward said, eyeing me up and down.

We were going out with Rose and Emmett, and I had decided to dress up a bit in a red sweater dress, leggings, and black flats. I’d left my hair down for practical reasons, hoping it would help counteract the blistery December chill. Edward had on a button down white shirt and black dress pants. We were meeting our friends at the new Mexican restaurant in Port Angeles. BC had been craving tacos, so I was going to give in and enjoy it.

It was two days before New Year’s Eve, and Charlie and Sue had let us work Upstairs that morning and taken our shifts at the bar as part of their Christmas present to us. Since Dad hadn’t decided whether to close down the bar for the holiday, that subsequently happened to be Jake’s birthday, my parents thought we needed a night out in case we were working on the thirty-first.

My parents were the best. They told us they wanted to make sure Edward and I got some couple time in before BC was born, stating it was important for us to strengthen our bond so we could be the best parents possible to our child. Her words had made me cry.

“We’re going out, Edward. Your spawn is demanding Mexican.”

Edward chuckled and kneeled in front of my stomach, nuzzling my large bump. “All right. We’ll get you fed, and then it’s Daddy’s turn to have Mommy. Okay, BC?”

He finished his little speech to our unborn child with a kiss on my abdomen. The presents I gave to Edward from our child had flipped something inside of him. He’d been wonderful before, but it was like getting something tangible from his soon to be daughter or son made it all the more real for him.

He stood up and took my hand. “C’mon. I need to feed my family.”

~.~.~.~

An hour later, we pulled up in front of the Mexican restaurant. I waited for Edward to open my door before I exited the car. My husband was all about using his gentleman skills these days, and it just wasn’t worth it to fight him on it. Honestly, I was starting to get used to the attention.

We went inside and gave our name to the host. He led us to our table, and I heard Edward mumble under his breath—unable to make out the words. I gave Edward a look, but he shook his head. It was obvious he wasn’t going to tell me.

Once we arrived, the host pulled out my chair for me, causing Edward to huff and flop down in his seat. I thanked the man and sat down. He let us know he’d bring our missing party members when they arrived and told us our server would be there momentarily.

“Should have brought my shotgun.” Edward turned his head, glaring behind him.

“What is with you?”

“If that guy stared at your ass one more time, I was going to punch him. Who ogles a pregnant married woman?” Edward grumbled, turning back.

I giggled at him and his grumpiness. “Yeah, I’m sure he was appalled by the size of my fat ass, Edward.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head, convinced he’d lost his mind.

“Don’t say that. I happen to like your ass.”

“Please, my ass is its own country.”

“Pretty firecracker has lost her fucking mind.” Edward shook his head.

“I’m ready to chow down.” Emmett’s voice interrupted our ridiculous discussion.

Edward and I jumped at Emmett and Rose’s arrival. We’d been lost in our own little bubble and hadn’t seen them. Emmett laughed at our reaction.

Our server came over not long after and took our orders. I ended up just ordering a plate full of authentic tacos. I received funny looks from Edward, Emmett, and Rose, but I didn’t care. Just the thought of the crunchy goodness made my mouth water.

Eating food became a wonderful experience again once I’d stopped throwing up all the time. After the ninth week, my body decided to quit torturing me with the morning sickness, and I couldn’t have been happier. Edward was relieved as well—he was starting to worry about me.

Emmett talked about setting up another fishing trip with Edward in the Spring, and Rose and I discussed all things baby.

“I’m kind of pissed at James,” Rose admitted. “He’s buying up all this cute stuff; there’s not going to be anything left for the rest of us to buy.”

I snorted. “He’s bought everything in pink. If BC turns out to be a boy, we’re screwed. I’d love it if everyone would get us some gender neutral colors. It might also save Edward from having a stroke. He’s adamant that the baby is a boy.”

“Yeah, I heard. He’d be such a sweetheart with a girl, though.”

“I agree, but he’d also be a nightmare. Can you imagine when she started dating. Poor BC.”

Rose cackled. “I don’t think Edward would be the only one going crazy. I’m sure Emmett and Charlie would be joining Edward on your front porch with their own shotguns. Any guy that goes out with her doesn’t stand a chance.”

I put my head in my hands. “You are so right. You and Mom will have to help me make the knuckleheads see reason.”

“What are you talking about?” Edward asked, leaning toward us.

“We’re talking about when your daughter starts dating,” Rose explained.

“I am not having a daughter. My kid is a boy,” Edward said with a head nod.

“Hear, hear.” Emmett raised his glass in agreement.

“You guys are awful.” I pointed at Edward and then Emmett.

“Can you really imagine Edward with a girl? He’d kill anything that moved.” Emmett laughed, holding his stomach.

“Ha. Ha.” I deadpanned.

“Emmett is telling the truth.” Edward snorted, taking a drink of his water. “I know what teenage boys are like. I was one, once upon a time. It’s just better if we have a boy. I promise.”

“You know, your daughter could turn out like Bella,” Rose tilted her head, placing her fist on her chin. “If that’s the case, you’d probably sleep better at night. I remember the time Brandon Miller lied and said he slept with Bella freshman year. She made it her personal mission to make sure it was a known fact he had a small penis.” She looked over at me. “The poem you wrote about it in the girl’s bathroom was brilliant, by the way.”

I laughed, remembering that dickhead. He had to confess to lying about having sex with me to try and salvage what little reputation he’d had left. It backfired on him because the damage had already been done. He was known as the guy with the “itsy bitsy teeny weenie” until he left Forks.

“The bastard is lucky I didn’t find out until years later.” Emmett scowled, shaking his head. “I would have annihilated that punk.”

“And if we have a boy, I won’t have a heart attack if something like that happens.” Edward nodded, shooting me a pointed look.

I shook my head. No matter how much we discussed the possibility of a girl, Edward shut it down. He was determined BC was a boy, and there was no changing his mind. It was annoying at times because having a girl would be nice. I’d have someone to pass the female Swan family traditions on to, but I would also be content with a boy. Charlie could teach him all kinds of things, and having a miniature version of Edward running around learning things from his dad made me smile.

I was undecided as to what I wanted BC to be, but it was fine. As long my baby was healthy, I would be happy.

We finished dinner and decided to look at the Christmas lights set up on the next block. Walking seemed appropriate because it wasn’t far, so we left the restaurant and started down the street.

About halfway toward our destination, Rose slipped on a patch of ice and fell on her ass. On the way down, she tried to grab a hold of Emmett and caused him to fall on top of her. Both broke out in laughter as Emmett tried to help her up.

Edward scooped me up in his arms after he watched the exchange.

“What the hell are you doing?” I screeched as I left the ground.

“Keeping you safe,” he said, walking toward the lights.

“I can walk fine, you know.” I stared at the side of his face.

“Well, I’m not taking any chances. It’s dangerous out, and you have to be careful.”

“Ugh. You are too much. Put me down.”

“Not a chance,” Edward said, laughing.

My overprotective husband carried me the rest of the way, Rose and Emmett following behind us. Emmett had been worried that Rose had hurt herself, but she just brushed him off and told him not to fret. She also threatened his balls if he pulled what she was calling “an Edward.”

That’s my girl.

The lights came into view a few minutes later, and we found a bench to sit down on. Edward only released me after I promised to sit and not move. I had a feeling that Rose’s fall had caused Edward’s mind into an overprotective tailspin, but it was unwarranted. I had been careful since I found out I was pregnant. I wanted BC to be safe just as much as Edward did, but he’d taken it upon himself to be my personal bodyguard and keeper. I loved the man, but it was annoying.

The light display was the biggest I’d seen in all the years we’d come to see it. When we were kids, Mom and Dad would pile Jake, Emmett, and I into their car. Back then, we’d park close and look at them from the back seat. Mom was always worried about us getting too cold and even went as far as to bring a thermos of hot chocolate with us.

I could picture in my mind piling into the car with Edward and BC next year to carry on the tradition. Really, I had so many things I wanted to do with my child when he or she was born. I knew that my parents were just as excited. I took hold of Edward’s hand and squeezed it.

I couldn’t wait until I was a mom.